


Through Space and Time

by Neeklos



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Babies, Canon Compliant, Character Death Fix, F/M, Growing Up Together, Marriage, No Smut, No underage romance, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Soft Ben Solo, Time Travel Fix-It, Twins, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22618231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neeklos/pseuds/Neeklos
Summary: Using the powers of their Dyad, Ben travels back in time fifteen years before the events on Exegol. His first priority is to travel to Jakku to find a young Rey and bring her to Luke's Jedi Academy. Ben then struggles with the demons of his past as he tries to right the wrongs before they occur again. This time, at least, he will have the scavenger to grow alongside.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo (minor), Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 127
Kudos: 600





	1. Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> This would be a 30+ Chapter story if I had the endurance to take on a big multi-chapter story at this time. However, I unfortunately just don’t have it right now and leaving a fic unfinished is not something I like to do. So, with that being said, this story will focus on the key romantic build-up/moments I had planned between Ben and Rey. I just want to give that disclaimer to explain why sometimes it might seem like there are large “scene-skips” as I call them(time-skips might be more accurate), however I will do my upmost to keep all transitions flowing smooth with a purpose. Please enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9/19/2020 - Chapter Updated

Death should be peaceful. It was the final, eternal gift to the end of a cruel life. To be purged of the emotions that had once held a soul captive in life. The anger, the hatred, the unbearable loneliness that had haunted Ben Solo for a lifetime should have been severed the moment he collapsed in that dark cavern. A cavern of which its only light rested in the pair of eyes that watched him fade into nothing; a light that soon after had been washed away in a flood of tears.

Perhaps it was all deserved. Yes, of course it was deserved. Though his lifeless heart failed to beat, its agony was one element that refused to fade. And torture him it did. He felt himself falling, being dragged away into a pit of darkness. Every soul he had tortured, every man and woman who had fallen to his blade, every mind that had gone insane by his meddling; they all screeched relentlessly in his ear.

" _My daughter starved without me."_ One voice accused. Seconds later, a wave of them were pounding against his skull.

" _I was going to be married."_

" _You tortured me!"_

" _I was trying to surrender!"_

" _You killed me. You killed me. You killed me!"_ They all began to chant.

Ben sobbed at their shouts, at their pain. He could feel it all: the scorch of fire burning against flesh, the sharp agony of a blade driven into organs, and the indescribable torment of his mind being ripped to shreds. All of it's punishing agony threatened to rid him of his sanity, if such a thing was even possible to keep in the afterlife.

 _I'm sorry_ , he would whisper. Knowing that it was a fool's plea to end the torment that he deserved. _I never wanted to hurt anyone!_ A claim true only in death. _No_ , there had been a time in life too. He had fought that voice in his head for so long, a sinister voice that seemed to be the only thing that found worthy of attention. He would argue against its cruel motives and bench the seething rage that only continued to build within. He would've continued to fight it too, for that he was certain, but then one night changed everything. That dreaded night of his uncle's betrayal pushed him over the edge into the monster they all feared him to be.

It was strange how death stripped away the fury. In life, he would have never dreamed of forgiving his mentor, even after Rey cleansed his heart from the multitude of scars that had prevented light from reaching it fully. Yet now, in the agony of his eternal torment, it seemed that forgiveness was the only shred of peace that death would allow.

He forgave his dad. For the years of brash words that the inexperienced father would unknowingly slam into his tender heart. For the lack of presence in his son's early years as he spent countless days, even weeks at times, flying out with Chewie to provide for the new mouth to feed. For the lack of patience that his troubled son needed so dearly.

He forgave his mother. For all her faults in raising him in fear of what he would become. For her unwise advice to simply ignore that frightening voice inside his head. For the way she would flinch when his temper rose and her failure to mask the fright she felt even after he calmed a second later. For her failure to realize that her muffled arguments with his father regarding the monstrosity they had birthed, crept through the walls to reach their son's ears.

He forgave them all for giving up on him. And yet, even still, he could not find the strength to forgive himself. Ben brought his hands to cover his ears and prepared for the endless hell he had forced himself into; whispering a thousand apologies that could never erase the damage he had dealt.

And then, he heard a voice.

"Walk towards me, Ben." A woman's voice rose above the others. There was no anger in this one, nor contempt for whatever pain he had caused the woman. Instead, there was sorrow mixed with a sense of urgency. "Hurry!"

 _I can't see anything,_ he replied in thought only. And yet, it seemed that she could hear him clear as day.

"Follow my voice."

He should stay; the torture was what he deserved. To be endlessly lashed by whatever cruel means until his soul bled into nothing. But that voice, that _loving_ voice, how could he deny her?

He had no understanding as to how he was able to move underneath the weight of so much sin. Ben staggered forward, following the beckon of his savior's voice. And then, as quickly as the torture had come, it all vanished.

"Ben."

He opened his eyes that should be filled with an endless stream of tears, but it seemed that death had stripped him of the ability to cry. The light surrounding _her_ was almost too much to bear.

"Mom?" he croaked.

Leia stood, dressed head to toe in bright white. Staring at her son with just as much sorrow that plagued his own heart.

"Come on, Ben." Leia spoke softly with an outstretched hand. "You can't stay here forever."

"Stay? Where am I?" he asked before glancing at his surroundings. Ben squinted through the dark clouds, as if his eyes still worked the same as when he had yet lived. The voices that had been haunting him silenced, leaving only one remaining set of sobs. When he finally found the source, his chest was ravaged by a new round of torture.

Rey. The girl born into nothing, the girl brave enough to wield a lightsaber against the feared Kylo Ren, the girl with the power to cleanse the darkness from a lost soul, and that same girl who stood against the most powerful emperor without a second thought. Now, she who had carried so much light even with so many forces trying to tear it from her was reduced to a fit of sobs on the cold ground.

"Rey," the name fell from his lips in a whisper. Her knees were curled into her chest, with one hand clenched over her heart while the other twisted into the folds of his empty shirt.

"Ben," his mother called again. "We have to go."

Ben shook his head slowly before the girl's pain struck him to his knees.

 _I've never felt so alone._ The memory taunted him, knowing that this time he couldn't offer any sort of comfort.

"We don't have forever, Ben," Leia's voice became more urgent. "Let me help you move on."

"I don't deserve to move on," he mused quietly. _I've never felt so alone,_ the voice vibrated again through their unique bond. When Ben turned back towards his mother, his gaze was pleading. "It hurts."

Leia's own eyes filled with pity.

"I can help you."

"I can't," he interrupted with a shake of his head. His voice hitching through a dry sob. "I can't leave her."

"You can't stay here," Leia spoke softly but he merely continued to shake his head.

"Mom," he begged through another sob. "I can't."

Ben wasn't sure what he expected, knowing somehow that his mother could not stay. And yet, it still hurt to watch her fade away.

"I love you," her voice faded to whisper. And then, only a moment later she was gone, and he was alone. Trapped in an eternal purgatory, doomed to watch _her_ suffer.

* * *

A Dyad. Two that are one. A bond connecting two through space and time.

Ben meditated upon these words that he had studied in life. His research had been brief given that it had been unseen for generations and the greatest source of knowledge came from his own experience. It had become so simple to bridge their minds and before his passing he had mastered the will to summon his dyad at the mere thought of her. Yet now in death he could do nothing but suffer her pain. Their minds refused to touch, no matter how desperately he tried to reach.

Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. He told himself over and over that she would heal, that she would move on from his memory. He tried convincing himself that it was nothing like when he had lost Rey, no matter how brief the moment had been. After all, she didn't love him like he did her. Didn't she? However, all attempts to find hope in a quick end to her mourning all seemed to end with the same reminder. _Two that are one._

The dreaded knowledge taunted him, forcing him to recall the dyad's punishing blow when half his soul faded into nothing. She wouldn't heal, Ben finally realized, even if she still despised him just as deeply as she had when they'd first met. For how could half a soul live without the other?

Ben wanted to scream. The bond that had fascinated him from the very first moment their minds connected had turned to both of their own source of dread. Every memory, every blow to her heart could be felt just as deeply in his own. If it didn't drive Rey insane in life, he was certain it would for Ben in death.

 _I don't want this!_ She had told him once. The words hadn't stung then as they did now while he watched her drown in her own tears. Rey moved through each day with a smile on her face and not a single person seemed to see through the mask she'd crafted But at night, in the privacy of her own room, she surrendered to sorrow.

Rey's friends had abandoned her, though he knew she would disapprove of his choice of words. FN2187, or Finn as Rey called him, became engrossed in his own projects. At first, the man kept frequent contact to share his work in guiding former stormtroopers on their own path to redemption. However, as months passed his communications became less often until they were practically nothing. Rey understood that her friends were busy, but it was a sentiment that Ben refused to entertain. The general, Poe, was sent away on his own path not a month after their battle on Exegol. The pilot's only saving grace was his final gift to Rey: the orange BB unit. BB-8 was a small bit of light for the former scavenger, along with an old D unit that Ben would have deemed far too out of date for any valuable use. However, it was the two droids that stayed faithfully by her side as their master cried into the night.

It was the perfect punishment for him. To suffer the sight and emptiness that he could feel through their bond. His head fell into his hands as he sat by her side each night, enduring the cries he had wrought. _He_ had done this. It had been Ben who had sought this connection as a tool to gain her favor in a foolish plight to seek a woman's hand that he never deserved. He realized now that he had been selfish, always so selfish.

"Where are you?" she would whisper in the late hours of the night. Begging over and over through devastating sobs. "Be with me. Please, Ben, be with me!"

 _I'm here,_ he tried so hard to tell her. _I never left._

He wished he could cry, thinking it would feel better to have some sort of release. Instead, both of their emotions wrestled in the pit of his chest where his heart had once beat. After weeks he began to wonder if there would ever be relief. _How long would this last? How long could he survive this horrible afterlife?_

"You are not being punished, Ben."

Logically, Ben knew it was foolish to be frightened. He was already dead. Yet Ben shot to his feet at the voice and snapped his attention to the newcomer. The man was tall with sandy hair, but his smile was kind enough as he walked along the edge of the room. Ben shifted slightly, blocking Rey from a possible attack. The stranger seemed to notice but made no move to retreat and instead focused his attention on Ben.

"You don't have to endure this," the man continued with a frustratingly calm smile. The sudden return of Ben's temper surprised even himself as he glared right back. _What did he know?_

"You think I want this?" Ben growled; gesturing to the girl behind him. The tears had ceased at last, leaving her cheeks stained as she fell into an uneasy slumber. His throat tightened as he looked at her, heart clenching from knowing that he would never be able to wipe away those tears. Defeated, Ben sighed, "you know nothing about me."

The man merely smirked.

"I know that you're arrogant," he pointed before walking closer. Ben's fists clenched tightly, uncertain if it was even possible to defend himself in death as the stranger took a seat nearby. "But then again so was I."

Ben watched the man carefully, searching for any signs of hostility. Instead, he simply sat in silence, smiling at the terrible sight before them.

"She's pretty," he stated before smirking. "Feisty too. She reminds me of your grandmother."

Ben flinched. Waiting another moment before finally asking, "who are you?"

"Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?"

Ben stiffened again and furrowed his brow. Pouring every ounce of hatred into his glare. He couldn't hold the venom from his words even if he tried as he faced his grandfather.

"After all this time, after all my begging, you wait until it's already too late to speak to me?"

"Death has its limits," Anakin sighed. "Palpatine put a wall between us, a wall that I could not penetrate. It didn't help that my children thought it best to hide me from you. By the time I gained their blessing, Palpatine had you securely under his wing."

"I never imagined that Darth Vader would take orders from others," he scoffed in reply.

"Darth Vader wouldn't have," Anakin nodded in agreement. "Anakin Skywalker, respects the wishes of his children."

"You speak as if they were two different people," Ben grumbled.

Anakin lifted his chin in thought.

"In some ways. The dark has a way of splitting one's soul. Wringing out the light to create something knew, something different," the man explained. When Ben remained unmoved, his grandfather continued. "Tell me, would Kylo Ren have given his life to save another?"

His mouth opened for a moment before clamping shut once more. Silence lingered for a moment before Anakin sighed beside him.

"I will never deny the terrible things I have done in allowing Vader to rise. So much pain has been caused by my own hands." Anakin paused to glance at his open palms. It took another moment, before his grandfather could find the will to speak again. "I was much like you when I passed. I don't know how long I allowed their pain to overwhelm me. All those souls…"

He drifted once more. This time, when he broke from his thoughts, he met Ben's gaze sternly.

"However, I hurt only myself in my inability to move on." Anakin glanced to the woman on the bed; now fast asleep in the dark room. "Until you forgive yourself, _neither_ of you can heal."

Ben recoiled, forgetting his distrust for just a moment.

"You're saying I'm doing this to her?"

"This isn't 'Chaos', kid. There are no sith here to torture you into oblivion, my daughter helped you escape that fate. The only one continuing to punish you two, is _you_."

Ben swallowed, his heart breaking with every word.

"So, the only way I can help her, is to leave her?"

Anakin merely smirked.

"I never said that."

Ben met his gaze once more, hopeful.

"The two of you have a unique gift. Use it," Anakin stated before rising to his feet. "You've come to master the bridge through space, however there another way to seek your connection."

"How?" Ben asked, but Anakin already began to fade. Before he disappeared completely, Ben could see the smile on his face.

"Continue your studies. You will find another way."

And with that, he vanished.

* * *

Hours later, the sun began to peak through the small windows to highlight Rey's beautiful face. She was smiling, gifted with whatever pleasant dream willing to offer a moment of relief. Ben breathed slowly as he watched over her, meditating on every aspect of the girl that had drawn him to her in life. Focusing on the calm was all he could do to fend them both from the agony fighting to break through. The night had moved slowly as he focused on sealing his wounds while also musing on his grandfather's advice. With a calm mind at last, the answer seemed so simple. There was only one obstacle remaining. _Would Rey want it?_

"H-Hello, Hello."

Ben glanced down to the little green droid, wanting to toss him from the room for threatening its master's only moment of peace. However, when he noticed that the droid was facing the very spot he sat, Ben's heart leapt into his throat. Behind cone-face, the BB unit rolled in closer to tilt its head in suspicion.

 _They could see him,_ Ben thought with excitement.

"I am Dee-Oh," the little one spoke again. Before Ben could raise a finger to call for silence, Rey already began to stir beneath the covers, groaning at the disturbance. Ben tensed at the movement, but relaxed when she returned to sleep. His throat felt dry again. If that was even truly possible. _What would he say to her?_ _Would she be appalled when he told her his plans? Would it even work?_

His thoughts were broken when the BB unit rolled into his leg, but his heart sunk when the hunk of metal moved straight through him. The droid rolled back in surprise, before a tool emerged from its side. Ben couldn't help but smirk when he noticed the sharp end failing to pierce his flesh. Forgetting himself, he stated dryly.

"You can't threaten a ghost, droid."

Rey sat up in an instant, her mouth fallen open in uncertainty as her eyes raced to absorb the sight of him. Her terror ebbed through the bond, sizzling like water on a live wire. An array of emotions, amplified by their connection, raced through her pounding heart that beat for the two of them. It was almost too much to bear.

She was afraid to speak, Ben realized, but then again so was he. Seconds passed where they sat in silence, both too afraid to break the moment.

"Ben?" The name slipped between her lips in a prayer; a wish to make this moment real.

"Rey," he could only whisper.

She dared to smile. Her hand began to rise in hesitation and his heart lurched in understanding; knowing that the action would leave her disappointed. Regardless, his own fingers came up to await her test and as expected, the tears in her eyes were unbearable when her hand passed through his own.

Rey's breathing hitched.

"This isn't real?" she asked.

Ben tried to smile in reassurance, but his lips never managed to lift under the stress of her depression.

"As real as it can be," he answered quietly.

Rey's shoulders slumped forward, relaxing ever so slightly at his promise. But there was something else, a desire that surprised him. An image was forced into his mind as Rey envisioned herself wrapped in his embrace, warmed by the thought of having someone to hold. And then his heart flared as she relayed the memory of the kiss he had never deserved. _Why had she clung to that memory? Why had she even kissed him in the first place?_

Ben swallowed.

"Rey, can you be happy here?"

His heart twisted in anger and it took another moment for him to realize that the feeling did not belong to him.

"If you came here to chastise my choices…" she started, stopping when more than one tear slipped unto her cheek as she bit back a swell of emotions.

"No," he quickly stated; waiting patiently for her to recover. Rey took a deep breath to slow the remaining flood, before blinking her eyes clear.

"Ben," she tested her will to speak again, but quickly fell silent. Her eyes clouded once more as she met his gaze. _I feel broken. I feel empty._

His heart broke yet again at the silent admission, her eyes relaying the depth of pain she felt. For the first time since its discovery, Ben despised their special bond. She shouldn't hurt so much for someone like him. She should be reveling in the years ahead and dancing in celebration with her friends. Instead here she sat, alone with an endless sense of mourning that might never heal. All because of that damned bond.

"I want to try something," he swallowed nervously before adding, "but I won't do it without your blessing."

Rey's expression softened as she waited for him to continue.

"If I could change your past, would you want me to?" he asked.

Rey blinked as her mind reeled in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think," he began nervously. "I think I know how to change our futures."

Her eyes searched his own and he could feel her confusion and disbelief.

"What do you mean?"

In another world, the question would have infuriated him. Instead he swallowed patiently.

"I might have found a way to alter our pasts," he watched her carefully as he explained. "If I'm right, would you want me to?"

Rey's emotions flared in conflict. First there was excitement and hope, followed swiftly by worry. Flashes of moments entered Ben's mind and it took a moment to understand what she was showing. There was the pilot, the stormtrooper, and an array of faces that he didn't recognize. However, he was quick to understand the fears nagging at the back of her mind. His hand rose once again, slow but certain as he brought it to her cheek. He could feel her heart race through their bond, even though their skin refused to graze one another. He ran his thumb along the edge of her cheek, wishing that he could feel more.

"I have no right to ask you of anything," he shook his head knowingly. "But can you trust me to do this?"

Rey searched his careful stare. He could feel her hesitation; her fears of losing the friends that she held so dear. Even the two droids watching curiously at their feet held a special place in her heart. However, among the beloved memories was that overwhelming pain that refused mend. She swallowed as another round of tears slid along her skin.

"I can almost feel you," she whispered sadly; nudging her cheek through his translucent palm. Her chest rose and fell with a heavy breath as she sighed with conviction. Meeting his gaze once more. "Yes."

Ben finally smiled. As his body began to fade, he held her gaze. Hoping his devotion was evident in his eyes.

"I'll see you soon, sweetheart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chaos = Essentially the Sith version of Hell.


	2. Finding Rey

_Age: Ben, 15_

Ben woke to the sounds of peaceful wildlife outside the window. The gentle breeze and chirps of singing birds was a delightful contrast to the furious ache in his head. Ben groaned while bringing his arms up in a feeble attempt to massage away the pain, instead it felt as if his head were splitting in two. _Were ghosts meant to have headaches?_ He reached for Rey, knowing that it must be her pain stretching through their bond. However, as his hands moved along the soft texture of blankets, he startled awake.

The cloth wrinkled where his fingers moved, and the mattress curved underneath his weight. Ben scanned the gloomy room alit by only one small window to find a sight that he had become all too familiar with in his youth. He then glanced down at his hands, his warm flesh-covered hands. They ran along his chest, his face, his hair. Testing a multitude of touches to confirm his suspicions, but nothing sated his curiosity. He had to see…

Ben fumbled with the covers as he leapt to the door, not even bothering to pull on proper dressings. When he reached outside the grass flowed with a gentle breeze, while younglings raced around enjoying the daylight. His eyes moved quickly from one sight to the next, stopping only when they fell upon the temple. The same temple that he had watched burn so many years ago.

"Solo?"

Ben turned to face the student's voice; a student whose body had burned in that same fire. Yet there he was, standing in the flesh.

"What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen a ghost?"

Ben twitched.

"Where's Luke?" he replied. The pitch of his own voice surprised him, but he refused to be distracted.

"At the temple of course," the teen narrowed his gaze in confusion. "What are… Hey, where are you going?!"

Ben didn't bother sparing him any explanation and in his panic he took off running down the familiar path that he used to walk every morning. Ignoring the laughs and sneers of the students as he burst into the halls wearing only a night-shirt and trousers. Luke Skywalker jumped as the door to his studies was thrown open, followed by the hasty entrance of his panting nephew.

"Ben?! What's going on?"

"Where is Rey?!" Ben gasped through tired lungs.

"Who?"

"Don't play games with me," Ben threatened with a firm tone. However, the high pitch of his voice failed to lend him any support.

"Hey, watch your tone, kid," Luke's brow furrowed in an instant. Staring down upon him as if he were a child. Then again…

Ben glanced again at his scrawny hands and atrophied muscles, taking notice of how his lungs still burned from a run that should have been routine. He glanced again at his uncle, taking in the sight of his body in the flesh; not a hazy glow as he would have expected. Ben glanced around the room but grew impatient when he couldn't find what he was looking for.

"What year is it?" he asked against his better judgment, with his muddled mind in no state for any sort of wisdom.

"Year?" Luke tilted his chin, gazing in concern at the boy before him. Ben, however, only glared to warn against testing his temper. "Twenty after the battle of Yavin."

"Twenty," Ben breathed in disbelief. _It worked._ He looked again to his young hands, free of scars and scabs from years of harsh treatment. Staring in astonishment. _It worked._

"Ben?"

He lifted his gaze to meet his uncle's suspicious glare and only then did the boy regret his frantic behavior. Fearing what consequences would await if others were to know of his strange power. He brought his arms down to rest casually at his side, doing all that he could to act natural. Judging by the expression on Luke's face, Ben feared that he might be a tad bit too late.

"I have to take a leave," he finally stated.

"A leave?" Luke smirked. "You're too young to be making such demands, kiddo."

"It's important, uncle," Ben swallowed his fury before he could explode; reminding himself that he was at the mercy of his uncle's cooperation.

"Why don't you take a seat and explain to me why?"

"There's no time!"

The rage returned, followed swiftly by a voice he had long since buried.

' _He doesn't trust you.'_

Ben stiffened, collecting his emotions in an instant. _Snoke._ He shivered. Even now, after his victory over the vile creature, Ben couldn't help but dread the thought of facing the terrors of his childhood once again.

"Uncle," he spoke calmly; swallowing his disgust and convincing himself to beg if that was what it takes. He _had_ to find _her_. "Please, there is someone that needs our help."

Luke watched him carefully and Ben could see the wealth of suspicion in his uncle's eyes. _He won't cooperate,_ Ben thought, _of course he wouldn't._ However, to his amazement, the Jedi rose to his feet a moment later.

"Get dressed and meet me on my ship in fifteen minutes."

* * *

"Jakku," Luke scoffed as he toggled the map on his ship. More than once Ben caught the man shaking his head in disbelief. However, his disapproval failed to bother the fifteen-year old. Ben sat quietly in the co-pilot's chair, nervously playing with a deactivated control.

More than once he told himself that he worried for nothing, but a flood of irrational fears sought to terrorize him. _What if his tinkering erased her from existence? What if in this world she had already perished? What if Palpatine somehow learned of his dealings and was already on his way to claim her?_

Ben shuddered at the thought before scolding his imagination. Rey had survived the desert for years on her own and was far more capable then he was giving credit. However, he also knew better than anyone that surviving and living held two entirely different meanings.

"How do you know this girl?" Luke finally asked. The question had been on his mind, radiating from his skull like an itch in the force. However, to the old man's credit, he had cooperated thus far.

"You wouldn't believe me," Ben spoke dully.

"Try me," Luke ordered while transmitting a set of landing codes. "If you want me to land this ship, you will answer my questions, Ben."

"She needs us…" he began but was swiftly cut off.

"The chance that a life is in danger is the _only_ reason I am entertaining this mission." Luke twisted in his chair to face him. "But you forget yourself, Ben. If you want to complete this journey, you will answer me."

Ben clenched his fists at his sides. The strange peace that he had felt in death had all but vanished as he met his uncle's gaze. Forgiveness had been so easy then. Pleasant even. Yet now, it seemed that life would not be so simple.

"Ben," Luke reached forward and before Ben could control himself, he found himself cowering from the touch. The Jedi recoiled in an instant, while his eyes grew wide with terror. "Ben?"

Ben shivered in his chair. It was surprising how little he cared to appear so childish, as an array of emotions swelled within his mind. The fear of _that_ night flashed through his mind and it was as if once again he had found himself gazing into the mad eyes of a man ready to strike; a man he trusted. Without the strength to bury his fears beneath a façade of fury as he would have as Kylo Ren, his trembling skin became impossible to hide.

 _Kylo Ren._ The name raced through his mind. _What if he fell again?_

Ben pinched himself, scolding himself for acting so childish. However, the pathetic display at least appeared to lengthen Luke's cooperation as the man turned to focus on landing the ship. As if there was no end to the strangeness of that day, Ben felt a sting of regret. He moved slowly to sit straighter in the chair; banishing the trembles that had overtaken him. Ben's throat felt tight as his heart urged him to apologize, yet his stubborn mind could not yet oblige. _He is going to try to kill you,_ he reminded himself. With a final sigh to push away the last of his shivers, Ben forced himself to speak.

"We've shared dreams. She has no one to care for her," he cleared his throat, hoping that his uncle would accept the cryptic answer. It wasn't a lie after all. Ben had recalled strange dreams in his youth, images of sandstorms and a metal wall of tick-marks scratched into its surface. It hadn't been until his bond with Rey had opened when Ben finally understood why his mind drifted to that same scene night after night.

"Dreams?" Luke eyed him suspiciously. "Ben…"

"I know," Ben stopped him before he could be lectured on the dangers of the dark side. "I know how it sounds. But you must trust me, uncle. She's in danger and I _have_ to find her."

Luke's gaze never faltered as he pondered, debating the risks of continuing this mission. Ben knew exactly what would happen if his uncle refused to help or even forbid him from this venture. He would sneak away at the first opportunity, steal a ship in the dead of night if he had to. Nothing would stop him from breaking his promise to Rey _._ However, with Snoke's presence lingering in the back of his mind, Ben was almost certain that there was no chance his memories had not been stolen by the emperor's puppet. And if Snoke knew of Rey and her true lineage, Luke's compliance was a necessity. _Right now._

Thankfully, Luke sighed before releasing the hatch.

"The moment I sense anything out of order, you _will_ race back to this ship." Luke ordered sternly.

Ben practically sighed in relief as the man rose to exit the ship, before following a moment later. The sun was unforgiving as he stepped down onto the sandy platform. Niima was a small city, but the great desert surrounding was vast. He allowed the memories of his visions to guide him, taking in the sights that he had once forced from the scavenger's mind.

"I'm going to see who's in charge," Luke started wandering off, but Ben merely shook his head.

"She's not here," he stated simply; staring out into the open desert. So young was their connection that she failed to appear when he reached for her, however, there was a tug that pulled his attention over the vast dunes. "I need a transport."

* * *

More than once Ben feared that the rusty motor would give way beneath him. Trading in the desert it seemed, was far more difficult than he imagined. Credits carried little value to the desert people, a foolish oversight that he should have foreseen in his haste to reach Rey. With Luke already agitated over the fact that they could only scurry enough parts to barter a single ride, the old transport would have to do.

The terrain seemed endless, but the force offered its guiding light; answering his desperate prayers as it led him through the desert. He could almost feel her presence approaching with every mile. Memories of her make-shift home drew him to the fallen At-At half buried in the sand. As he brought the transport to a halt, the engine sputtered with a loud pop. The sound caused even him to wince and he feared what state it would put her in. With a groan, Ben rand a hand along his side to feel his lightsaber before dismounting. Though he wouldn't dare use it to harm, he was no fool to think that Rey would accept any intruder into her home without a fight.

 _Would she remember him?_ Ben couldn't help but wonder. He hadn't even had the opportunity to let the bizarreness of it all to sink into his mind. Defying all rules that he had been raised to believe, he had made it here to a moment that had already been lived. Their bond had opened the gates of time, all he had to do was walk through. Each moment that passed offered an ounce of relief that he might not be dreaming.

Ben halted at the base of the once great machine where he found an opening. _Would a knock frighten her?_ He quickly smirked at the foolish thought, dismissing it in an instant. It would be imprudent to think that anything other than an angry desert teen was waiting to send whoever stepped through that hatch straight into a coma. With his weapon in hand, he prepared to block whatever furious attack she would greet him with as he stepped into the dark 'home'.

The inside was utter chaos; unlike anything he had ever seen in his visions. There was no space cleared for easy passage, no makeshift stove seated near the entrance, no poorly sewn and aged-cloth that served as a pathetic excuse for bedding. There was nothing but the remains of an old war machine.

"Hello?" He finally dared to speak; still disturbed by the awkward voice of his youth. He waited for any sign, any shuffle of movement, fully expecting Rey to appear and haul whatever weapons she could find at his tiny teenage head. And yet, several moments of silence passed as he stood in the hollow shell of the At-At. A streak of panic raced through him as he nearly fell to the conclusion that he had failed to find the correct location. Or, even worst, what if he was too late? However, he began to relax when his eyes fell to the wall that had become burned into his mind.

The sight of endless scratch-marks against metal was one of the first images that he had taken from Rey's memories. A terrible documentation of the days that she suffered in that wasteland. However, unlike in his visions, the wall was relatively free of any such marks. He counted the tiny section of seven, before allowing the spark of hope return. She was here.

Behind him, the clash of metal sent his heart racing. He turned in an instant, instinctively igniting his blade to block the incoming blow. To his surprise an attack never came. His eyes fell to the new pile of scrap that had been knocked to the floor and his heart tumbled when he finally saw her. Between two sections of rotted metal peaked a set of eyes, but she disappeared quickly as the pitter patter of feet began scurrying away.

"Wait!" Ben shouted, disabling the blade before tip-toeing over endless piles of useless scrap. His panic rose when he caught the glimpse of a foot vanish into a crevice. As he reached the small opening his heart fluttered in panic, knowing that it would be daft to think he could fit. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

He wanted to curse himself for his serious misjudgment as the girl quickly tucked herself out of reach. The lightsaber had frightened her. _Of course it had frightened_ her, he thought angrily. Her journey on that forsaken planet had only just begun. Ben's mind raced quickly, searching for a solution before she buried herself into danger. He opened a palm to the chunk of metal, commanding that a larger opening be made. It was a simple task, especially for someone so versed in the force as he. And yet, the metal refused to do anything more than shutter. Ben's shoulders fell along with his energy and he stared at his palms in surprised, dreading the terrible truth. It appeared that his physical strength had not been the only feature to fall with his age.

Ben began to panic.

"Your parents sent me!" he blurted into the hole in desperation. To his relief the retreating footsteps came to a halt. Ben fell to his knees beside the small opening and waited patiently as the gentle sounds of bare feet against cold metal slowly returned. He could only see a shadow as she observed him from her hole.

"It's okay," he smiled through a soft whisper.

Ben raised an arm slowly as he offered a cautious hand. By the time she finally reached out, his arm was aching in its position. The moment her hand fell into his own, her _tiny_ little hand, his whole body relaxed with a sigh. Rey's brown eyes looked up at him with great innocence and Ben nearly startled as he gazed into the eyes of a child.

Ben had never given much thought to the scavenger's age. Rey's maturity had far masked the differences between them. Yet now, there was nothing to hide her youthful innocence. Her hand barely spanned the length of his fingers and there were tears building at the edge of her eyes as she gazed up to him with a youthful trust; void of the terrors that no doubt had been waiting around the corner.

He took in the dirty scraps of clothing hanging loosely around her form and felt sick at the sight of bones that should be well hidden beneath her skin. She was starved, he quickly noticed. He couldn't help but wonder how long she had survived in such a way before the desert formed her into the warrior he had come to know.

A lump formed in his throat as he carefully closed his large fingers around her hand; vowing silently to ensure she would never see another day of suffering.

"It's going to be okay," he promised in a whisper. "It's all going to be okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – The theory of Ben and Rey sharing dreams comes from the novel for "The Force Awakens.


	3. Righting Wrongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 9/26/2020

_**Age: Ben, 15 | Rey, 5** _

The comlink sat on the table before Ben with its blinking light taunted him. Leia had given him the device the day that they had left him at Luke's temple; the day they had abandoned him. The memory sparked a flame of fury before he sighed deeply in attempt to sooth his nerves. Ben swallowed, forcing himself to analyze their point of view. They had been desperate, terrified not only of their son but for his own safety. He could see that now. However, he only wished they could have paid more attention.

On his eighteenth birthday, Ben had thrown that very same com against the walls of the hut. He had stood in that same spot, with every passing second mocking him. Ben had waited until the very last minute of the day, giving them every chance to make the call before it ended. When it never came, when there was no room for any other explanation other than they had truly forgotten, he shattered the device in a fit of pain. He remembered his pathetic cries in the night as he begged the force for a shred of hope; of love. Anything to assure him that he wasn't truly as alone as he had felt.

He sighed deeply, reeling himself in from the memory.

' _They don't love you,'_ Snoke tried to taunt.

It had been so easy to believe him back then, so easy to trust the stranger in his ear. Mother was always so dedicated to her cause and dad, well, was Han. Their lack of care had been easily translated as neglect back then and perhaps it still did. However, Ben thought of his father stepping onto the narrow ledge to his death; undoubtedly knowing what result awaited him if he approached his lost son. And yet, his father had taken the walk anyways. Attempting the impossible by beckoning Ben home as if he wasn't truly the monster they'd pushed him to be. He then thought of his mother and how vehemently she had fought to reach him. Even in death she had guided him away from a fated doom.

Ben breathed deeply, steeling himself to face the monster for a second time.

_You are a liar_ , he thought fiercely, _you will not tempt me again._

He willed his mind to close as he finally clicked the com to life. The hour was late back home, but he knew that Leia would accept the call anyways. Sure enough, seconds later her voice sounded through a wave of static.

"Ben?"

And just like that, he was a child again. His face scrunched as he barely managed to catch himself from breaking down at very sound of her voice; wanting nothing more than to fly home and fall into his mother's embrace.

"Mom," he gulped; failing at every aspect to mask the tremble in his voice.

"Ben, what's wrong?" Leia quickly grew panicked.

"Nothing," he promised before choking on a suppressed sob. She was alive, his mother was alive. Ben brought a shaky palm to cover his lips before an involuntary cry slipped through his defenses and quickly composed himself. Taking a deep breath, he returned to the call. "Nothing is wrong, mom. I just missed you."

The device went silent as she no doubt sorted through her confusion, but he was relieved to hear her chuckle.

"It's awfully late, Ben. You couldn't wait until morning?" She spoke playfully.

"No," he sighed away the overwhelming emotions. "I've already waited too long."

"Sweetheart, we just talked yesterday," she spoke a bit softer.

"It seemed like a lot longer," he chuckled to cover the emotions still rising to the surface.

"Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"Everything's fine, mom." He finally felt his own smile. "Great, actually."

"That is, that's good," she spoke nervously; unable to shake her confusion.

"Can I see you soon?" Ben asked, wiping away the last of his tears. "I want to visit more than I did back then."

"Back then?"

Ben flinched.

"The past few years," he quickly covered.

"Oh… Oh, of course!" she replied; her elation soothing him. "I'll tell your father to pick you up on his way home. He should be passing through in a few days."

"That sounds great, mom," he smiled again. "I, uh, should get some sleep. It's been a long day."

"Alright," Leia replied. He could have sworn it was possible to hear her smile. "I love you, Ben."

"I love you too, mom," he promised before bidding her a good night. As he placed the com gently to rest on the table, it felt as if the room had gotten brighter.

It was real. The travel through time, the chance to mend his past, and to save his family. It was all real.

There was gracious peace awaiting him as his head fell to the pillow. Rey, little Rey, slept comfortably in a room with other younglings. Her belly was finally full after devouring the food they had given her and best of all she was free. Free from a life of mere survival and intense loneliness. As Ben closed his eyes, the voice that had terrified him as a child was a mere echo in the back of his mind. Fading slowly with every second passing until finally, it existed no more. There was only peace.

* * *

Ben ignored the chuckles from his fellow padawans and knights as he walked to the temple the next morning. Their mockery, once a great crutch in his troubled childhood, held no power over him as he ignored their petty judgements. There was even a smile on Ben's face as he reached the doors, alit with the confidence that nothing could possibly tempt him from the light again.

Then, the moment he entered, Luke was standing cross armed. Waiting just for him.

"Ben," Luke nodded. Ben flinched at his uncle's voice, but forced himself to recall that he was years away from _that_ night. Besides, this time he would be ready for anything. "I think we should talk."

"About what?" Ben shrugged casually.

"You know what," Luke groaned. "I left you alone yesterday because you were all out of sorts. I want to know what's going on."

"Where is she?" Ben asked, searching the empty room.

"The girl is just fine," Luke dismissed his failed attempt to distract him. "Tell me about these dreams."

"Everything is…"

"Don't tell me it's fine," Luke stopped him angrily. "I'm worried about you. Your parents are worried about you. We love you, Ben, but I cannot help you if you refuse to speak with me."

Ben regarded his uncle. He watched the way his fingers twitched like they always did when he was nervous and only a fool could miss the moisture crawling along the brim of his eyes. For the first time, Ben considered the possibility that his uncle might actually care about his wellbeing.

"I," he started before swallowed nervously. "I have been hearing a voice."

"A voice?" Luke's arms crossed. "The girl?"

"No, that's different," Ben shook his head. He bided his time by pretending to take interest in a loose strand of his sleeve; again calculating the changes that would come with revealing the truth. "I think it's Snoke."

"Snoke? The leader of the extremists?" the man scowled. He seemed unconcerned at first, more annoyed then anything. Ben had to remind himself that Snoke had hardly been a threat until his rise many years later. "Why do you think _he_ is in your head?"

"I just feel it," he lied. "He's more powerful than we thought. He's been trying to temp me for a while, to give up the light."

"How long?" Luke's tone bordered on irritation. Ben merely scoffed.

"For as long as I can remember," he spoke softly. Tales were told of his difficulties as an infant. Dad would rave about how he had no choice but to let his son sleep at his shoulder if he were to sleep at all. It had taken Ben years to connect the two.

"You're sure it's _him?_ "

It was almost comical how unprepared his uncle had been for such a conversation. However, Ben only smirked. _He_ had brought this on himself by prying.

"Yes uncle, I am sure," he nodded.

Luke ran a cautious hand through his hair before scratching his beard in thought. With soft eyes, he met his nephew's gaze.

"I can teach you to shield your mind until we can deal with him properly."

"I think I have it under control," Ben began to shake his head but was halted by Luke's stare. The man wasn't angry as he would have imagined and instead, there was yet another round of tears resting at the edge of his uncle's eyes.

"Please, Ben, let me help you. You don't have to do this alone," Luke begged. Ben swallowed hard as his own emotions built up in his throat. _Would it truly have been so simple as to ask for help?_ Before he could manage more than a nod, Luke reached to grasp his shoulder. "I'm glad you told me, kid."

Luke stated sincerely before his eyes drifted to a spot behind him. He smiled before nodding over his shoulder, "looks like you have a shadow."

Ben scowled before turning to follow his uncle's gaze. It took a moment to find what had caught his attention before he noticed the youngling peaking a cautious set of eyes around the corner.

"Come on in, little one," Luke chuckled.

Rey glanced between the pair before finally mustering the courage to enter the room. Ben swallowed nervously as the child moved her tiny legs.

_What was he supposed to do now?_

Ben had saved her from the harsh life that would have been repeated without his intervention; or worse if Palpatine was to catch wind of his unique travels. Now, with the tip of her head barely reaching the height of his hips, he had never felt so uncomfortable. Ben sealed his heart and memories of their time together; burying the image of their battles and especially of her kiss.

"Did you sleep well?" Luke asked softly. Rey glanced anxiously up to him and back to Luke. She shifted closer to Ben, taking comfort by standing beside the man who had saved her from the desert before nodding without a single word. Luke chuckled at her behavior before meeting his nephew's gaze. "Why don't you show young Rey around the temple?"

"I, uh," Ben swallowed nervously. "Shouldn't one of the other youngling's do it?"

"Trying to avoid your duties, young padawan?" Luke smirked once again. "You'll be fine. I have a class to teach."

With that, the man took his leave. Stranding his nephew alone with the youngling. Ben shifted nervously before glancing down at Rey.

"Um, hello," he tried.

"Hi," Rey answered shyly.

"Are you, uh, hungry?" Ben asked, grasping for any suitable conversation. Rey merely shook her head in response and then promptly reached into her pocket to reveal a piece of fruit. Ben nearly snorted, biting his cheek to refrain from smirking. "You shouldn't leave that in your pocket."

"I didn't steal it," she promised quietly. "Mr. Luke said I could have it."

"Yes, but that will rot," Ben explained. "It will be no good to eat if it's not kept in the cooler."

"Oh," she observed the item in genuine curiosity.

"There's plenty to eat here, you don't need to scavenge for food," he explained. Ben scanned the empty room, searching for someone, _anyone_ else that would be more qualified to watch over the girl. He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet, finding no relief from the awkward moment he had found himself into.

"What's that?" Rey finally broke the silence by pointing to his waist. Ben followed her gaze to find what caught her interest.

"That's my lightsaber."

"Can I see it?" she asked eagerly.

"It's not a toy, it can be very dangerous," Ben replied seriously. When the girl's expression fell, Ben quickly continued, "maybe you could make your own one day."

That seemed to peak her interest. Rey stood up straighter, her gaze beaming as she looked up to him.

"Really?!"

Ben smiled.

"Sure, I'll show you how when your older," he shrugged.

"You mean I can stay here?" she asked. Eyes brightening at the possibility.

"Of course," he smirked. "Do you like it here?"

Rey nodded fiercely.

"People aren't so scary here," she admitted. Ben swallowed at the vile building in his throat, imagining what horrors had pushed a five-year old to race into the desert for a mere hiding spot. Snoke's voice prowled in the back of his mind, threatening to slip through as Ben thought of returning to Jakku to destroy the city that had failed her twice. However, Rey's expression changed a moment later as she threw her hands up in excitement, "and there's so much green!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he nodded with a forced smile. Ben glanced outside a window before returning his attention to the girl. "Do you want to go outside?"

Rey nodded, smiling widely as she lifted her tiny hand to grasp his own. Ben tensed at the contact, disturbed by the very thought of touching her no matter how innocent it might be. Rey however, seemed entirely undisturbed as she practically dragged him through the door; seemingly haven forgotten her shy demeanor from only moments ago. Ben had to take long strides to keep up with her half-jog and once they reached the tall grass outside the temple, he released her.

Rey didn't seem to know what to do with so many new textures. More than once he found himself chuckling at her clumsy jog through a patch of weeds. When she fell into a patch of dirt, the little girl couldn't tell if her disgust at the stain it left behind outweighed her fascination at the strange new type of 'sand.' Given that she began digging into the ground a moment later, he could only assume the latter.

Ben couldn't help the flood of imagination that swarmed his mind. Of a boy with dark hair, resting joyfully upon his father's shoulders while they played safely on their own peaceful property. Of a daughter with brown eyes wearing three buns to match her mother, digging into the ground just as Rey did now. Of a wife that dared to love him and the endless adoration he would have offered as a husband. A thoughtless tear threatened to reveal his private musings and Ben quickly wiped it from his eye. He had been so close to having it, _hadn't he_? The question had been gnawing at the back of his mind. _Would she have followed him after their battle on Exegol, to one day take his hand fully?_ Despite his better judgement, Ben thought of the way she had felt against him, wrapped in a hold so warm he had almost fooled himself into believing it could last. And then, of the pressure of her soft mouth against his.

Courting had never truly crossed Ben's mind in his past life. The girls he had trained with in his youth were less than impressed with his temperament, though he supposed he couldn't blame them. Then again, he had never cared. He had never wanted them. He had never wanted anything other than the love of his family and yet they abandoned him when he needed them the most. Ben dared say that it wasn't until the desert scavenger dared challenging him in the forest that a mixture of confusing emotions began to plague him. Even then, he had been so certain that no one could ever love a monster.

When Ben first entered her mind his curiosity was tempted at seeing such a great power that had gone untouched. The very fact that someone so lowly could hold so much potential convinced him to ignore his task in retrieving the droid; settling with the girl herself. Then he looked deeper, past the tattered rags and impressive power and he saw a life riddled with loneliness. Where he saw a girl shouting after her parent's departure, he saw a dark-haired boy screaming as the Millennium Falcon flew out of view. Where there was a girl crying beneath the desert stars, he saw a boy sobbing in his own bed. Both so desperate for the same thing. There, in the back of the scavenger's mind, Ben had found himself.

The discovery of their connection had only peaked his curiosity further. Recalling their first moments together through the strange bond, he remembered being amused by her brash words as she tried so desperately to shake him; to shame him for his father's murder that he already regretted. To waste her breath in telling him he was a monster, something he had known since his youth. And then, everything shifted. After Rey endured a disappointing lesson on the secret island, _she_ had called for him. Ben had been amazed that she would share her troubles with him. That she would find comfort in _him_. And then there was the touch. The smallest touch that sparked an array of visions, ranging from those of terror like falling into a dark abyss to images so beautiful he wouldn't dare speak aloud. One certainty that he had been so sure had become absolute that day, was the fact that they would never be alone again. And then, she had rejected him.

Ben had known that he couldn't go back to the light, not after all that had happened; only a fool would think otherwise. The only way he could have Rey was for her to join him in the dark that he was prisoner to. It was selfish, he understood that now, but the pain of returning to a life of unloving solitude had broken him. Pain had turned to powerful rage. For an entire year, he tried to bury her image to avoid the false flutter in his heart. It had made him powerful, the pain. And then Palpatine had given him a strange hope. In his revelation of Rey's true lineage, he had once again fooled himself into believing that she would join him. It wasn't until Rey, beautiful generous Rey, gave a sliver of her own life force to heal the shattered mess that was his heart, that he could finally see clearly. He could finally return.

A child's shriek of excitement pulled him from his own mind. He wanted to growl at the clumsy thoughts of a term he didn't dare use. _Not yet._ They had no place in his mind. Not while Rey was giggling at the simple sight of a flower hiding amongst the weeds. The purity of her excitement was a light so beautiful, that neither even bothered to be troubled by the young onlookers forming their own judgements.

Ben followed her until they reached the edge of the forest, having stopped more than once to listen to the girl's excited discoveries of simple pleasures. In her hand neared a dozen variations of wild flowers and leaves, all of which she had found far too lovely to leave behind.

"What's that?" she asked; pointing into the forest.

"We have our training courses there," he explained before stepping onto the pathway.

"But what's _that?_ " She pointed again. He followed her finger, scrunching his brow as he searched the line of trees.

"You mean the tree?"

Her fascination amazed him as she repeated the word. Ben observed the girl, shocked that the trauma of her abandonment could have erased so much from her mind. _Surely she had seen trees before?_

Green worlds had always been a part of Ben's life, even as a child. Never once had he truly stopped to think of the gift that nature could be. He recalled spending many nights among those very same trees, hiding from his troubles back at the temple.

Ben smiled as an idea came to him. Lifting his palm, he urged one of the trees to free its fruit. His limited abilities rebelled against the distance, but Ben forced himself to endure the threat of exhaustion. After a few moments, the stem cracked and the fruit was slowly guided by an invisible force into his open hand.

"Whoa," Rey gasped beside him with wide eyes. Ben chuckled at the expression before offering her the fruit. She took it into her small hands, holding the fruit as if it were gold. And then, when she met his eyes, he had never felt so adored. "How did you do that?!"

"I used the force," he smirked. Feeling odd that he would have to teach her such simple lessons. _If only you know what you would accomplish one day, little one._

"Can everyone do it?"

"Not everyone," he shook his head. "Many people in my family are strong in the force. My grandfather, my mother, and my uncle have all been trained in the ways of the jedi."

Rey appeared to ponder as she watched him in awe. However, after another moment, her expression twisted in sorrow.

"Where's my mommy?" Ben flinched at her question. He should have known it was coming, given his hasty proclamation to have known them in the desert. He met her gentle eyes, so full of innocence. _How could he tell her the truth?_

"I don't know," he started. The idea of lying to the youngling was a terrible thought, but no truth seemed suitable for the moment. "I promised to watch over you until they return."

Her lip puffed out, but she managed to refrain from crying. However, even more terrifying than her sorrows, was the way she flinched shortly after. She started glancing around in a panic, searching for something that neither could find.

"Rey?" He finally urged her to speak.

"Did you hear him too?" she asked nervously.

"Hear who?" By the time the words passed his lips, his entire body had already tensed. "Are you hearing a voice in your head?"

Rey grew nervous as she met his gaze and her face flared red. "Is that a bad thing?"

"What is it saying?" he asked, ignoring her question. However, his tone only seemed to frighten her more. Her eyes fell to the ground while her fingers tangled in her robes.

"He makes me feel sad," she explained.

Ben's terror nearly consumed him and he had to stop himself from taking her into his arms and racing to Luke. He forced himself to breath, finding enough peace to address her.

"You don't have to be afraid. As long as you stay here, you'll be safe," he promised. "Luke and I will teach you how to shield your mind."

"How?" She glanced to him in hope.

"We'll practice every day, until you can't hear him anymore," he smiled, despite his terror. Hoping beyond everything that he spoke the truth. "The force will protect you."

"You mean your magic?"

"It's not magic," he chuckled lightly. "Come here."

Ben motioned with his hand and she happily obliged. He sat on the ground and ordered her to do the same.

"It's inside of you, just like it is for me."

"I have magic?" she gasped; gazing to him in awe. He smirked, accepting defeat that she would not accept the proper term that day.

"Yes, it just needs to be awakened. Here," he began to reach for her hand but paused before his fingers could clasp around her skin. Ben watched her carefully as he took her hand within his, ready to retreat the moment it seemed that his touch was unwelcome. He guided her to the ground, placing her palm flat against the earth. "Close your eyes. And reach out."

He waited a moment to give her time to think, but then her hand came up as she reached out in front of her.

"No, that's not what I meant," he chuckled lightly before guiding her hand back to the ground. Her face flushed in embarrassment, but Ben merely smiled. "Try again. Reach with your feelings."

Rey scrunched her face in confusion, but did as he asked. A minute passed, followed by another. Just when he wondered if he was rushing her training too soon, he could see her smile.

"Whoa," she whispered.

"What do you feel?" he asked.

"I don't know," the girl's eyes were wide in both fascination and fright.

"That's okay, we'll figure it out together," he promised.

' _She will fall,'_ Snoke whispered. The voice startled him, but he quickly composed himself to avoid frightening the girl.

"Let's head back, it's almost time for lunch." He casually urged her on. Rey nodded obediently before recollecting her pile of flowers. Ben followed her closely, ready to guard her the moment she lost her smile.

_You cannot have her._ Ben thought furiously. _You will fail._

' _You cannot keep her from me forever,'_ the voice taunted one last time. Ben squared his shoulders, facing the invisible. Vowing once more to protect her beautiful light.

_Yes, yes I will._


	4. The Greatest Teacher Failure Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – So this is where those "scene-skips" come into play that I mentioned at the very beginning. Feel free to share your thoughts if any of them feel too choppy. As they are now I think it flows alright, but I'm curious to hear other opinions. It's something I could revisit in the future after completing the story.
> 
> Updates are probably going to slow down to once a week, so don't panic when the next one doesn't come out right away. This is where my first draft left off before I started going through editing and posting. So there's just more work to be done on the next chapters. We will be doing another time jump next chapter, five years to be exact. Please enjoy chapter 4!
> 
> Edited 10/8/2020

_Ages: Ben, 25 | Rey, 15_

**_Ten Years Later_ **

The sound of clashing weapons had long since become routine for Ben's evenings with his apprentice. He blocked Rey's furious blows as the young teen tried desperately to outwit his careful defense. He returned with equal vigor, knowing that any sign of softening his attacks would only offend her. He had learned _that_ lesson the hard way.

"You're relying too much on strength," he lectured while blocking another attack.

"Getting tired are you?" she attempted to joke through her fatigue. Ben merely smirked in reply.

"You won't win that battle, sweetheart."

"I would if you stopped moving," she grumbled, taking a moment to catch her breath. Ben scoffed at the tone; unfazed by her attempts to exhaust him. Rey's skills had grown at a fast rate, a fact that surprised everyone besides himself. However, the young padawan still had much to learn before taking the jedi trials.

"You can't beat me with brute force," Ben squared his shoulders as he towered above her. The very height and breadth of him displaying his advantage. "I'm stronger, fight smarter."

As if on que, Rey slashed her blade through the air and as he moved to block it, she curled her foot around his own and Ben felt himself falling backwards until he crashed into the hard floor. He couldn't help but groan as he glanced up to his apprentice. Rey disabled her blade with a smirk, holding her hands out in a smug pose.

"You mean like that?"

Ben let her have a moment of victory, smiling at the pride he felt. _But_ , Ben thought, the arrogance of her display could not be ignored. Afterall, he knew better than anyone the dangers of allowing such a trait to blossom. Using his own foot Ben curled a toe at the back of her knee and with a yelp Rey fell to the ground while he sprung back to his feet.

"Almost," he smirked with his blade resting just below her chin. "Next time, finish the fight before you lower your weapon."

"That was low," she narrowed her eyes, but not without a smirk. "Even for you."

"Enemies won't just lie there while you gloat," he reminded. Disabling his blade, Ben offered her his hand. Rey groaned as he helped her to her feet, wincing a moment later as she covered a cut at her arm.

"Maybe we should go back to using staves," she panted.

"Sorry." Ben quickly retrieved a bacta patch and tossed it her way. "Though, _you_ were the one that wanted to practice with sabers."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," she winced again while fumbling with the patch. Ben waited another moment, watching her struggle before stepping in close to kneel at her side.

"Give it here," he mumbled. Thinking nothing of it as he reached for her arm. When she tensed however, he began to wonder if he had done something improper. It was innocent, a gesture of regret for dealing an ill-timed blow. So why was she acting so nervous?

"Am I being too rough?" he asked. Rey quickly shook her head.

"You just have fat fingers is all," she joked.

"Maybe if you did more push-ups your arms would be more proportionate," he retaliated playfully. Hoping to lessen the strange tension between them.

"Brave of you to say something so bold, given our proximity," she glared. Had her tone not been so gentle, Ben would have wondered if she'd been serious.

"Please," he scoffed. "After the amount of times you've hit me, I think I've grown immune."

"You are being awfully dramatic, _master._ They are mere friendship pats."

They both shared a laugh as he finished applying the patch. Ben was about to stand before noticing the dark bruises at her knuckles. When Rey noticed that his attention shifted, she tried to stand but Ben quickly grasped her wrist.

"What did you do?" Ben asked in surprise. At the tip of her knuckles, blood had begun to seep through the cracks of partially healed wounds.

"It's nothing," she tried to pull from him but Ben persisted.

"Rey," he stated firmly before meeting her gaze again. "What happened?"

Rey sighed before begrudgingly continuing.

"Well, you know that guy that's been walking around with a giant bruise on his face?"

Ben scrunched his brow.

"He said he tripped on his way to breakfast. Fell against a rock," he shrugged. Rey stared at the ground when she refused to answer, Ben narrowed his gaze. "You hit him?"

"Only a little," she argued.

"A little?! It looks like you nearly broke your hand!" he scolded.

"His face was harder than I thought," she shrugged before scowling. "Besides, that bantha-brain deserved it."

"I thought I taught you better, at least punch him _correctly_ ," he smirked, shaking his head in disappointment. Rey rolled her eyes before he turned serious once more. "Why did you do it?"

"He was running his mouth, _again._ I told him to shut it, but he wouldn't listen," Rey answered. Ben waited patiently, narrowing his expression as he waited for a better explanation. She finally sighed before staring at the floor again. "He was talking about you."

Ben tensed at first before forcing himself to sigh. His notorious attitude had pitted many of his fellow padawans against him for years. Though his relationships with his peers had improved since his 'return', there were still many that clung to the distant memory of a repulsive Ben Solo. However, he had long since shrugged off those who refused to soften their hearts.

"You know that I don't care what they say about me," he reminded. "It's no reason to punch someone."

"This was different," she shook her head, "he was saying that it was only a matter of time before you…"

Rey hesitated, shifting uncomfortably from her spot on the floor; refusing to meet his eyes.

"Would turn to the darkside," she finally spoke. "That it was in your blood. _Vader's_ blood."

"Oh," Ben stiffened in surprise. He watched Rey fidget nervously with her lightsaber, waiting until she finally met his stare before asking. "Do you think I would?"

Rey flinched, her expression twisting in clear offense that he would ask such a question.

"Of course not," she stated immediately.

"Then why did you let it upset you?"

"Because, it's ridiculous! They shouldn't be saying it," her face reddened in anger. "Just because your grandfather was Vader doesn't mean you'll end up like him."

"Exactly," Ben shrugged. However, his answer only appeared to infuriate her.

"Why are you so calm?! Why aren't you mad at him?" Rey snapped. Ben felt strange as he watched her unravel.

Ben met her gaze carefully.

"Because the ones that matter the most still believe in me," he answered. Rey started to glare, struggling for another moment before finally relaxing. When she finally sighed away her aggravation, Ben allowed himself to smile. "Besides, if you go around punching everyone you don't agree with, you won't have a hand left."

"Not if I get a metal one like Master Luke's," Rey finally laughed. Ben shared in her chuckle, before offering one final bit of comfort.

"Besides, if I ever did fall, I'd have you to pull me back."

Rey scoffed.

"More like knock you in the head for being an idiot."

"I'd expect nothing less," he smirked before holding out a hand to lift her to her feet. As she rose beside him, Ben's fingers traced another unusual item at her wrist. "Where did you get this?"

"The bracelet? Sival gave it to me for my birthday."

Ben blinked.

"Who… gave you what now?"

"Relax, you didn't forget. He just gave it to me early. Can you believe it's almost been ten years since you found me in that old AT-AT?"

Ben had to close his mouth when he realized it had fallen open. Of course he didn't forget. With no evidence of her actual date of birth, they had resolved to celebrating on the anniversary of the day he found her, seemingly so long ago. Her gift was already sealed away in a box hiding underneath his bed. None of this troubled him, except for one thing.

"Who is Sival?" he asked. By some miracle he managed to keep his tone even.

"Really Ben? He's in your sparring class," Rey smirked again and Ben had to convince himself to remain calm when she missed the point of his question.

"So," he started. Clearing his throat. "Why didn't you tell me you found a boyfriend?"

At this, Rey's entire body glowed with a furious red. She pulled her arm from his grasp to nervously tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Avoiding his stare as if he were suddenly the most repulsive thing in the room.

"He's _not_ my boyfriend," she corrected a bit too quickly.

Ben tried to smile, but quickly turned away to hide his expression; knowing that the pain was at risk of being revealed. The way she spoke, the way she flinched at his own touch; it all seem far too obvious. Rey liked this boy.

"I didn't think you cared for jewelry," he tried to chuckle while pretending to busy himself.

"What was I supposed to do? He handmade it himself, it's not like I could tell _him_ that."

Ben knew that he should have been prepared for the possibility of this very outcome. _Of course_ she would be sought by one of her fellow padawans. She was strong, kind, and even though Ben couldn't state it aloud there was no denying that she was beautiful. And yet, what could he possibly do?

Nothing. _Of course he could do nothing_ , he thought in dismay.

There were many times he had considered testing their bond, bridging their minds as it used to be. It would no doubt secure a path that would join them in the end. However, each time he had resolved to the understanding that she was far too young. To open their bond would mean sacrificing privacy. Rey would be able to see it all: their lengthy battles, her offer of affection, his death, and the impossible leap through time. They would all be open to the girl that was practically still a youngling. No matter how desperate Ben was to secure their future, he refused to place such a pressure on her.

But, that didn't mean he had to support this… _this boy_.

"Aren't you a little young to start courting?" Ben asked, a bit less patient this time.

"I told you, he's not my boyfriend." Rey groaned. "What are you trying play the role of big brother all of a sudden?"

"No," he growled. "Stop calling me _that_."

Rey recoiled, displaying a wave of pain as she took a step back. She then flinched a second later and scanned the room as if there was someone else with them. Ben immediately regretted the tone, but before he could offer an apology she glanced to him in worry.

"Ben," she started nervously. "Do you remember a long time ago when I told you that I was hearing a voice?"

Ben startled before recovering his focus; trying to appear calm.

"Are you still hearing him?" he tried to speak casually. However, he only began to panic at the sight of her gentle nod. "Have you stopped doing the exercises I showed you? You should be blocking him out, Rey."

"He went away for the longest time, but," she paused anxiously. Watching his expression with a careful eye. "I started hearing him again, about a week ago."

"You're only hearing him because you're not blocking him," Ben scolded. "We both know you have the strength to do so."

"Yeah, but he started talking about…" she froze again.

"What is he saying?" Ben met her cautiously when she failed to continue.

"Well, he," she began again before altering the subject. "Ben, have you heard anything from my parents?"

He tensed as his heart tightened. Ben supposed that one day he would have to answer her questions about her parents. And yet, he couldn't help the flood of irritation that always seemed to follow her curiosity regarding the matter. "I promised that I would tell you if I ever heard from them. You already know my answer."

"I know, but…"

"Then why ask?" The question fled his lips a bit harsher than intended. Rey flinched at the tone and this time when she hid her gaze from him, he could see a flash of anger.

"We should head to dinner," she stated dryly and began to pack her things.

"Rey," he stopped her with a much softer voice. "This voice, what is it saying?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. It does matter. This is dangerous, Rey."

"I've lasted this long, Ben. I think I can handle it," she answered shortly. Ben swallowed anxiously.

"You don't have to do this alone," he reminded but Rey merely shrugged.

"Don't worry about it," she said. Clipping the lightsaber to her belt before trying to make a hasty retreat before Ben reached to grasp her arm. He kept his features soft as he begged her to listen, regretting his short temper.

"Please, you can talk to me."

Rey sighed.

"I know. But we're going to be late and I am starved. I'll meet you in the hall."

"Are you sure?"

Then, Rey snapped. She ripped from his grasp to glare.

"Yes! I'm nearly an adult, Ben, stop treating me like a child!" Rey growled while collecting the last of her things. She stopped at the door and sighed. "I'll see you in a minute."

And with that, she raced from the room. Leaving him alone to a multitude of troubles.

Ben groaned in frustration. For ten years Snoke had eluded him. More than one mission had ended in failure as he and Luke followed false leads to dispatch Palpatine's puppet. Ben had done everything in his power to eliminate the vile instrument, from shielding his own mind to tracking his current whereabouts and yet, the future Supreme Leader continued to elude them. Then there was the Emperor himself to be dealt with, but Ben knew all too well that his own powers weren't yet strong enough to dispatch the final threat. Especially without the strength of his dyad. First, they must deal with Snoke.

And then, there was another issue. This _boy_.

Ben couldn't comprehend how he managed to reach the mess hall. More than once he tried focusing on something proper, but his thoughts continued to circle back to this nagging issue. As he sat down to eat Ben scanned the faces of the Padawans, but the little welp was nowhere to be seen. _Who did he think he was trying to court little Rey?_ Then again, as each day passed the truth was becoming increasingly difficult to deny. Rey was no longer a little girl.

For so long he had been so proud that she maintained that beautiful humility that she had harbored in their past life. Amongst the other students she was kind and compassionate. Rey would always make it a point to seek out those who sat alone, prying to make sure they felt admired. She would fix the weakest droids, simply because she couldn't stand the thought of "killing" them as her more youthful side liked to call it. She was beautiful through and through; the type of girl that any man would desire to seek companionship. And yet for him, she was so far out of reach.

Ben ran a hand through his hair while he stared at his untouched plate, failing to ignore his breaking heart. She would not wait for him. _Of course she wouldn't wait for him_ , he thought with a groan. _Why would she?_ He was too old and though Ben had tried to argue his way out of it, Luke had appointed him as her Jedi Master. His thoughts drifted once more to Sival and to the array of young boys that were of a more suitable age. He would have no choice but to endure the pain of watching her love another.

"Master Solo!"

Ben twitched. A swell of rage flooded his veins as he recognized that voice. That little weaselly voice.

"What happened this time, Sival?" Ben grumbled.

"It's Rey!" the boy panted. "I saw her tinkering with a ship, but I couldn't stop her until it was too late."

Ben's scowl vanished in an instant and terror cooled his fury.

"What are you talking about?" he asked with growing urgency.

"She left! In the ship," the teen spoke the words he feared. "I don't know where she's going!"

Ben's throat went dry while the rest of his body went numb. _What had she done?_

"I do," Ben wasn't sure if he should growl or cry. "I do."

* * *

Ben jammed the controls to life, wasting no time punching the ship into light-speed. He watched the blinking light on his map and for the first time since helping Rey build her own lightsaber, he didn't regret hiding the tracker. With both Snoke and Palpatine at large, he couldn't take the risk.

"Calm down, Ben," Luke spoke far too calmly.

"I can't calm down!" he roared. "She is going to kill herself!"

"You should be proud of how well you've trained her. She is more than capable of defending herself."

"Not against _him!_ Palp… Snoke won't hesitate to kill her when he fails to turn her!"

"Worrying will do neither of you any good. We are doing all that we can right now. Calm your heart and help me think of a proper plan," Luke reminded. "We cannot just storm Snoke's ship."

"I can," he disagreed angrily. Ben would cut down every stormtrooper, every officer, every fool that dared to stand in his way. Then he would cut Snoke down just as he had before.

"You will die if you act so brashly! Then your Padawan's loss is certain," Luke growled as his patience began to falter. "We only have a few minutes left before we arrive. I _need_ you to focus."

In a moment of frustration, Ben let his head fall into his hands. _Why? Why would she go to_ _him?_ How could he not see the influence earlier, happening underneath his very nose? He had been more attentive than any master had been to him, asking her countless times if the darkness was tempting her. He had been a good teacher. Hadn't he?

Luke's hand fell upon his shoulder and the simple touch broke him.

"I can't lose her," Ben's throat tightened as his rage turned to sorrow. There was so much he could have done, _should_ have done. He had failed.

"We won't, Ben," Luke said softly, the grasp on his shoulder tightening. "I promise. Now come one, we're dropping out of light-speed."

* * *

Ben led the way through the halls of Snoke's ship, ignoring his uncle's murmur's and questions about how he seemed to know exactly where to go. He halted at the corner, waiting for the stormtrooper's to make their rounds.

"This way," Ben whispered. "The elevator is the only way to get to him, we'll need access codes."

"How do you know all this?" Luke narrowed his gaze.

"Not now," Ben groaned before searching the hall one last time. Once he was confident that they were clear to move, he jogged into the open and straight into a trap.

"Halt!"

Ben and Luke skidded to a halt. Only a few feet away, a stormtrooper raised his blaster. Ben began to reach for his lightsaber but immediately noticed a shift in the force. There was a shiver in the man's arms as his finger hesitated on the trigger. _He couldn't do it._

"We are here on invitation," Luke stated methodically while waving his hand. However, his trick failed to produce any results.

"We were warned that more would come," the trooper spoke and only Ben seemed to notice the tremble in his voice. "I'm sorry, I can't let you pass. I have orders."

The man began to reach for a button in his armor, a button that Ben knew all too well would alert everyone to their presence.

"Stop," he blurted before looking into the dark eyes of his mask. "You don't have to do this."

"Ben…" Luke began, glancing suspiciously at his nephew.

"I know you don't want to do this," Ben focused on the soldier; ignored his uncle entirely. Recalling his promise to Rey so long ago, Ben raised his hands in surrender. "FN-2187."

The trooper flinched. Ben could feel the man's gaze burning through the mask as he watched him carefully. To his relief Finn slowly began to move his finger away from the button.

"How do you…"

"Don't be ashamed of your conflict," Ben took a step forward and Finn retaliated with a cautious step backwards. Ben's hands clenched at his side; they didn't have time for hesitation. "Someone needs your help. Your leader captured someone not even an hour ago."

"The girl?" Finn stated, lowering his blaster only an inch. "She came to us, Snoke is only interrogating her."

"You know that's not true," he grumbled, clinging to the miniscule shred of patience that he had left. "She needs us. She needs _your_ help."

The room fell into an eerie silence as the man's arms began to shake. "They'll kill me."

Ben shook his head.

"You can come with us. We will keep you safe."

He dared to take another step forward. This time, Finn did not step back. They paused for a moment longer before the soldier's resolve vibrated through the force.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Finn practically whispered.

On any other day, Ben would have felt softened to the gentle tone of his admission. However, time was running out and who knows what Snoke was doing to Rey as they stood there wasting time.

"Every second we stand here brings her closer to death, you are hurting her right now," he tried not to growl. Lifting his hand in offering. "Do we have a deal?"

Finn looked at the outstretched hand as his loyalty to the Order crumbled. Finally, after another moment, the blaster fell to his side and his hand clasped within Ben's.

"Okay, what do we do?"

Ben practically sighed in relief before remembering that they were still no closer to helping Rey. He glanced towards the elevator and back to Finn.

"Get us to Snoke."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Finn sighed, but pointed towards the elevator. "That's our only way in. We'll have to move quickly; other's will be making their rounds soon."

Together, the three of them ran.

"What was that about?" Luke asked quietly as they reached the doors. Finn scanned his badge before they slipped inside the elevator.

"I'm surprised you couldn't feel his conflict, uncle." Ben brushed off his questions before turning to the stormtrooper. Nodding to his blaster. "Finn, you any good with that?"

"Finn?" he turned to Ben in confusion.

"Can you shoot?" Ben asked with greater urgency.

"I, I've never actually used it in battle," Finn admitted, lowering his gaze to the ground in shame.

"You point and shoot," Luke interjected as the elevator began to rise. "When these doors open it's important that you remain calm. No matter what awaits us."

"Yes master," Ben promised before gripping his lightsaber. Truly, he had every intention to be obedient. To trust in Luke's wisdom to bring a swift end to their turmoil. But then, the doors open and there Rey was, suspended in midair.

Ben had witnessed Snoke probe her mind before and yet, this felt different. Her screams echoed through the chamber, far more desperate and pained than he had heard before. She was alone, she was young. So very young. Ben didn't recall the desire to disobey his uncle's orders, but before he could stop himself his legs began to move.

"Ben, no!" Luke shouted from behind, but Ben was already halfway to Snoke _._

Ben ran, fueled by rage as he lifted his arm with a defying shout. Logic fled entirely and he could focus on nothing other than the fact that he had nearly reached Rey. However, just as he prepared to leap upon the throne to drive his blade into Snoke's vile body, Ben found himself surrounded by lightening. He growled as he was thrown backwards with his body engulfed in pain.

"Young Solo, we meet at last," Snoke smirked from his throne. Ben groaned from his spot on the floor, feeling as if his body had already been burnt to a crisp. He managed to lift his head enough to find Luke standing above him with his lightsaber drawn, glaring down in irritation at his nephew. Around them, the Pretorian guards drew their weapons as they prepared to defend their master.

"I think it's time you stop meddling with my students," Luke stated, speaking with a level of calm that Ben could never reach.

With another wince, Ben propped himself onto his elbows to access a new plan. Rey was no longer in the air and instead crumpled into a ball on the ground only a few feet away. She was shaking and his heart twisted in terror at the sight of blood snaking from her ear and down her neck. _Too young._ Rey tilted her head in the slightest to meet his gaze with an exhausted stare, mouthing an apology without words.

"Get up, Ben," Luke commanded.

Ben blinked his vision clear, forcing himself to stagger to his feet. His fingers scraped along his hip and he nearly jolted upon noticing that his weapon was missing. Glancing around the room, he was surprised to see the lightsaber seated on the handle beside the vermin on the throne. _So, he hasn't seen everything._

Ben tensed again as he noticed Snoke's dark gaze watching him. He quickly formed a wall in his mind, desperately hoping that his thoughts were his own.

"I was most impressed with your sudden desire to abandon the dark," Snoke's sneer contradicted his words. And then, the Supreme leader turned his eyes towards Rey, now completely lifeless. Ben angled his body, hiding a careful hand at his thigh. "However, you brought me a powerful replacement."

"You cannot have my student, nor my nephew." Luke interjected before Ben could foolishly lash out once again. Ben however, was too focused on the task at hand. Twisting his fingers ever so slowly, he concentrated on the subtle motion of the saber at Snoke's side.

"Is that what you think, Skywalker?" Snoke snickered before scowling at the Jedi. "I have been with you for far longer than you know. I have seen your every move through their eyes." The creature snarled in Rey's direction. "I suppose that you're still wondering why all your attempts to find me have ended in failure?"

Ben nearly lost his concentration when Snoke laughed maniacally.

"Hiding like a sniveling coward is beneath even you, don't you think?" Luke taunted.

Ben was relieved by their distractions, risking the slightest glance to the throne where his saber was nearly turned. He was nearly there, seconds away from ending their mission. And then, a large hand came to rest at the hilt. Halting its movement.

"Young fool," Snoke chuckled. "Did you really think you could hide your mind from me?"

Ben stilled in panic as Snoke forced the saber away, holding it out in front of him on display to taunt his failure. At the sign of movement, Luke ignited his saber. All around them, the guards aimed their weapons at the Jedi in warning. As everyone prepared for a grand battle, Ben took the chance to reach for Rey. He pulled her arm out from underneath her and nearly sighed in relief at feeling the faint pulse beneath his fingertips.

"You overestimate yourself, Skywalker," Snoke taunted while rising to his feet.

"I scarred you once, it appears that you haven't learned your lesson," Luke retorted.

"You're outnumbered, _Jedi,_ " he spat. As if to demonstrate, the guards began to advance.

Luke twisted to face the nearest guard while keeping an eye at the throne. Ben hovered over Rey, heart drumming against his chest as he could do nothing but shield her as three guards advanced. And then, the sound of a blaster confused them all.

Finn leapt from his hiding place, firing shot after shot at the throne. Snoke startled before hastily moving to stop the shots from reaching him, however the surprise was short-lived as he began deflecting Finn's fire and within seconds the room looked like a battleground.

Ben had no choice but to pull Rey roughly across the floor, ending with her limp form collapsed across his chest as he dived just in time to avoid being hit. Even the guards halted their advance to dodge the barrage. Luke's saber slashed through the air as he swatted away bolt after bolt. Just when Ben had feared that the energy in Finn's blaster had reached its limit, Luke batted a shot right back to the throne.

"Argh!" Snoke groaned in surprise as his side was struck and his grip on Ben's saber faltered. As gravity tugged it from his palm, Ben lifted his arm and willed it to life.

Even Luke tensed in surprise as Snoke gurgled with wide eyes. He looked to the blade speared through his chest and with a sneer Ben commanded the saber to his hand. Snoke collapsed to the ground.

The surrounding guards flinched at their masters fall while Ben pushed himself up, carefully cradling Rey's lifeless body. He had been too focused on searching her for new wounds, he didn't notice Finn racing to his side until he was already kneeling before him. All around them the guards took up arms once again and readied themselves for attack. Luke had just engaged the first as he shouted.

"Go, get her out of here!"

Ben quickly pushed Rey into Finn's arms, ignoring the look of confusion on his face.

"Get her to my ship," Ben ordered.

Finn glanced nervously between the pair but evidently Ben's glare was fierce enough to earn his compliance. The soldier carefully collected Rey and raced towards the elevator.

"If you insist on staying," Luke growled from behind, "would you mind helping?!"

Ben smirked. Never once did he imagine that he would fight alongside his uncle in battle, especially not _this_ fight. Ben raised his lightsaber, shouting before charging the red armored guards. _Here we go again._

* * *

**_Ten Years Ago_ **

Ben clenched the straps of his pack as the Millennium Falcon entered the atmosphere. Uncertain what to expect when his father stepped off that ramp. The last time he had seen Han Solo, physically seen him, Ben had thrust a saber through his chest. His body trembled as the ship hissed with the release of his landing gear. Han should deck him, Ben decided, and Chewie tear off his limbs. It was what he deserved. Instead, he was surprised to see the long gown of a dress as Leia was first to step on the landing pad.

She was smiling. His mother was smiling at him. Ben could have cried.

"Hey sweetie," Leia cooed as she reached her son. "I wanted to surprise…Oh!"

She yelped in surprise when Ben pulled his mother into his arms. Even in his youth he had already begun to tower above her, enveloping her in chest. Leia was slow to reciprocate, confused by his unusual display for affection, but Ben relaxed when her arms came up to hold him. He didn't dare speak, to declare how terribly he had missed her, less he break down in a fit of sobs. Instead, Leia held him through the silence, stroking a gentle hand through his hair when he started to tremble.

Behind them, two sets of footsteps began to approach.

"What's going on kid?" Han asked with a hint of impatience in his tone. Chewie growled in disapproval at his friend's reaction before Ben could feel a mound of fur surrounding his back. Sandwiched between the wookie and his mother, Ben finally smiled. At his ear, he could hear Leia's muffled scold aimed at his father. When Ben finally lifted his head from her shoulder, Han was scratching the back of his neck and shifting uncomfortably.

Before anyone could say another word, a little girl screamed.

"Don't hurt him! Get away!" Rey shouted as she sprinted into Chewie's leg. Pounding her little fists against his furry thigh. The wookie pulled away from Ben to glance down at the child.

"It's alright, Rey," Ben smirked before pulling out of his mother's grasp to calm the young girl. Chewie tilted his head in amusement when the youngling relented. She glanced at each of the faces watching her, flushing red with embarrassment.

"Who is this?" Leia asked with a smile as Rey cautiously stepped beside Ben; reaching up to take his hand.

"Uh, this is Rey. She arrived earlier this week," he explained.

Leia knelt to the girl's level.

"Hello Rey," she greeted sweetly. The girl only pressed closer to Ben.

"Shy little thing, isn't she?" Han chuckled. "If you wanted a baby sister, kid, you could have just asked."

Leia playfully smacked her husband's shoulder while Ben grimaced at the term.

"Han, grab your son's bags. I want to get home by nightfall."

Ben merely tightened his grip on his pack. "It's okay, I've got them."

Then, something seemed to snap in Rey's mind.

"You're leaving?" she asked through a gasp; unable to mask her concern.

"I'll just be gone for a couple days," Ben answered. Rey's eyes began to flood with tears as she clasped to his leg.

"B-but you promised! Y-you promised you wouldn't leave me!" she yelped into his leg.

"I'll be back, Rey," he assured but his words did nothing to tame her cries.

"You promised!" she cried again and again into his leg, clinging to him harder with every sob.

Ben sighed before meeting his mother's eyes. The woman watched him, knowing without him having to say it that Rey had no one. Apparently, Han did to. Or, Ben supposed, he simply didn't care as he beckoned Rey towards the ship.

"Take it easy kid, we have an extra seat," Han offered. Rey sniffled, glancing from Ben to Han in question.

"I'll talk to Luke." Leia smiled. "I'm sure he won't mind us watching over one of the younglings for a few days."

Rey sniffled, wiping a wealth of tears from her eyes as she glanced again at Leia. This time, her little eyes were filled with hope.

"Y-you're not going to leave me behind?"

Han smirked.

"Course not, kid. After all Chewie could use a snack for the ride home," he tried to joke. Ben merely sighed while Rey twitched anxiously.

"He's kidding, Rey," he assured. Han ignored Chewie's scowl as he chuckled once more. Waving his hand again, he beckoned them to the ship.

"Come on, let's go home."

**_Present Day_ **

A thousand sorrows plagued Ben's thoughts as he steered the ship home. The relief at having Rey alive and bandaged was short-lived as he soon became overwhelmed by a fury that he hadn't allowed himself to feel in years. Ben wanted to continue ignoring the beep of his commlink as his father called time and time again. Knowing that if he opened his mouth to speak before he finished seething, he would regret whatever followed. However, as the persistence caller rang yet again, he knew that he could not ignore his family forever. With a groan Ben clicked the link to life.

"Dad," he finally answered.

"Ben! What the Hell happened?!" Han spoke frantically. "Luke called and said…"

"Everything's fine, dad," he stated, trying to suppress his growl.

"It sure as Hell doesn't sound that way! Your mother is worried sick!"

"I'm a grown man," he snapped in irritation.

"That doesn't stop us from worrying, kid!"

"You have nothing to worry about. The threat's eliminated, we're heading back now."

A stream of muffled curses slipped threw the static before Han finally began to calm.

"You're sure?"

"Yes," he groaned before enduring another pause.

"Alright," Han's sigh sounded through the link before the man finally relaxed. "How is your little sister?"

"Don't…" Ben bit his tongue from shouting. "She is _not_ my sister."

"Hey, just because you don't want her in the family doesn't mean we don't," Han chuckled over the com. Ben shook his head in frustration. "So, how is she then?"

"She'll be fine. I've healed what I can, she's just resting now." Ben answered before turning to glance at the unconscious girl, only to find her sitting up on the bench. Her head was down, eyes stuck in a mindless stare as she fiddled with the edges of his sweater that he had given to keep warm. His fury waned for a fraction of a second as his heart tumbled in conflict at the sight. A part of Ben wanted to empathize with her turmoil, but the disappointment he felt refused him the chance to do so. Unable to decide if he wanted to pull her into a hug in relief that they had both survived or shout at her stupidity until he lost his voice.

"Dad, I'll call you back." Ben deactivated the link before giving the man a chance to reply, tossing it aside before returning his attention to the girl. Rey tugged the shirt closer, seeking its warmth, but not once would she allow her gaze to rise from the floor.

"Where's Master Luke?" she asked.

"On another ship with Finn."

"Who is Finn?"

Ben hesitated, remembering that she had not yet met the man who had once been her dearest friend.

"A stormtrooper that helped us reach you," he explained evenly. Rey nodded before they both fell into an uncomfortable silence. More than once he bit his tongue to avoid letting his anger take over.

"Say something," she whispered after the silence grew too long; still refusing to mee his eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" Ben couldn't prevent the shake of his head, nor the irritation in his tone. _That you were being foolish? Reckless? Destructive?_ There were countless terms he wouldn't dare wield against her, though his temper tested his resistance. He wanted to run his fist through a wall at the very thought of how close he had come to losing everything. To ruining the second chance that they had both been given. All because she tried to take on the puppet of a sith lord all by herself.

"You could have been…" He stopped himself from uttering the words that would devastate him. Ben sighed deeply, running a shaky hand through his hair. She could have been killed, or worse, turned into the very weapon that Kylo Ren had been. Her beautiful innocence could be stripped away and replaced with an unloving monster. A fate that he knew all too well would be worse than death. And he himself had almost allowed it to happen. Ben bit his tongue. "Why? Why did you go there?"

Rey shivered.

"I had to…"

"No, no, no," he muttered under his breath before his anger surged. "No! You _could_ have stayed in the safety of the temple, but you didn't. Why?! Why would you go to him?!"

"I didn't know he was a sith." She didn't even bother hiding her sniffle.

"You could have asked!" he breathed in disbelief. "We _both_ told you that voice was dangerous. I taught you to shut him out, that everything he said was a lie, but you listened to him anyways!"

Ben glared at her. Uncertain if he was angrier at Rey or at himself. His failures did not elude his thoughts, knowing darn well that he should have seen the signs that Snoke was in her head. His complacency had nearly damned her and in turn himself. His anger continued to boil as he found himself grumbling into his sleeve.

"I don't want this."

The admission did nothing to soothe Ben's fury as he had hoped. Nothing could tear the image of Snoke probing her innocent mind. Her shrieks of pain echoed in the back of his head, adding fuel to an already raging fire.

And then, at the sound of the crack in her voice, all anger vanished.

"Is that why you hate it when your dad calls me your sister? Because you don't want me?"

Ben flinched, lifting his gaze to see the sorrow in her eyes.

"What?"

"You always get so defensive," she whispered, swallowing a swell of tears. "Is it because you regret taking me on as your apprentice?"

He stared at her in shock, while his mind fumbled for an answer. _Of course_ he hated the term, but what could he possibly say? That the word repulsed him because he was in love with the woman that she would soon become? She would run from him in terror or disgust; or perhaps both.

"I don't regret anything," he answered quietly, swallowing his own discomfort. As the fury faded, shame was there to replace it. In a matter of moments, he found himself stepping cautiously until he was seated at her side. Ben locked his gaze to her, though she still refused to meet his eyes. He swallowed again but this time to fend off tears. "I thought I would lose you today. I have never felt more afraid."

Rey finally raised her chin, meeting him through a cloud of tears. A hint of the sorrow had lifted, but much still remained.

"Do you… do you _want_ me to see you that way? Do you really want me to think of you as a sister?"

"No," she answered a bit too quickly. "I just, I don't know. I kind of liked the idea of having a family."

"What made you think you didn't have one?" he scoffed in surprise. "My parents love you. Luke loves you. I… you are the most important person in the galaxy to me."

Ben stopped himself from his own proclamation. Knowing that she was not ready for such an admission nor was he; no matter how dearly he wished to cling to the memories of their erased past. Regardless, Rey nodded with a weak smile, grasping at the bit of comfort that the words offered.

"Why did you go to him?" he asked, calmly this time. Rey tensed but he spoke even softer. "Please, Rey."

"He," she began before pausing. Ben waited patiently for her to recover. "He said that he knew where my parents were, that he would hurt them if I refused to go to him. You always change the subject when I ask of them. I didn't think you'd let me go."

Terror consumed him at her admission. _He_ had done this. _He_ had nearly led her to her own death. _He_ had failed.

"Will you tell me?" Rey sobbed as softly as possible. "Ben, please, tell me where they are."

Her tender cries broke him. Ben swallowed, knowing that the days of dodging such questions had met its end. His secrets had driven her right into Snoke's grasp and now because of him Palpatine no doubt knew her true name. He swallowed, suddenly very aware of why his own parents had tried to hide his own dark lineage.

"Rey, it won't bring you peace," he whispered as a final attempt.

"That's not for you to decide," she huffed through a tear-filled expression. It amazed him. It always amazed him how quickly she matured. At the mere age of fifteen, he hardly saw a difference from the woman he had first encountered in the forest at Takodana. She narrowed her stare, almost threatening as she growled. "You promised that you would never lie to me."

Ben ran another hand through his hair as he sorted through countless ways to say it. However, no matter how soft he spoke the words, it tore him apart to know what pain they would bring regardless of how he arranged it. He met her gaze with the softest expression he could produce.

"They aren't coming back, Rey," he spoke with tears dancing at the edge of his own eyes. "I'm sorry."

Even as she closed her eyes the new tears poured against her skin. She began to shiver as she fought the urge to break down into a fit of cries. He would think no less of her of course, but she still clung to the remaining threads of pride.

"What happened to them?" She asked quietly.

"They were being hunted by some bad people. Your father abandoned his name to hide, but he was eventually discovered." Ben watched her carefully with every word he spoke. "They hid you on Jakku to keep you safe."

"Why?" Her eyes squeezed even tighter. "Why were they being hunted?"

"Your grandfather," he hesitated, "wanted to turn you into a weapon."

She finally opened her eyes to meet him, begging for him to continue.

"Why? Why would he want me?" She shook her head in disbelief. "I'm no one."

Ben stiffened at that. Appalled that he had once stated the very same thing. How wrong he was then. How wrong she was now.

"He was very powerful. He believed you might have his power."

Rey searched his gaze, both in curiosity and suspicion. To his own surprise, her emotions flowed through him as if they were his; a clear tell that she was well aware that the truth would not be kind. But it could no longer be avoided.

"You know the story of the Emperor?" he asked. Very slowly, Rey nodded. Her heart was pounding in _his_ chest and he wondered if she could feel him too. "He had a son."

"No," Rey shook her head in disbelief. Her eyes already full of understanding. "You're wrong."

"Rey…"

"I can't be his…" she stood before she could utter the word. Ben waited, letting her pace and shed the tears that needed release. It wasn't until she collapsed to her knees that he finally rose to his feet. He knelt beside her, holding out a cautious hand before placing it at her back. Rey sobbed into her hands. "I'm a monster."

Ben swallowed nervously, knowing that so much could go wrong if he failed her in that moment. He collected himself, taking deep breaths to calm them both.

"Do you think I'm a monster?" He asked quietly and Rey immediately tensed.

"No," she groaned as her cries came to an end. "Of course not."

"And neither are you," he stated firmly before smiling. Recalling the same conversation they had that very same day. "Besides, if you ever fall, I will be there to pull you back."

"Will you knock me in the head for being an idiot?" She tried to chuckle through the remnants of her tears.

"Never," he smirked. "But, I might knock you to the ground."

After one final chuckle, she was in his lap. Ben was knocked off his knees at the force of her grasp but managed to catch himself from falling entirely. When he recovered from the surprise, his arms enveloped her.

Ben swallowed nervously. Only once before had Rey given him the gift of her warm embrace. For ten years he had worked to erase _the_ memory, ten _long_ years he pushed any shred of emotion away. And in a single instant, she managed to flood his heart with a desire he should not possess. At least not yet. However, as she once again began to sob, his grip tightened and he pulled her closer.

"It's going to be okay, Rey." He sighed against her, whispering the promise over and over. The thought of losing her once again threatened to plunge him into his own pool of tears. But, dwelling on the pains of the past was a tool of the darkside. A lesson he had long since learned. And he would _not_ fail again.


	5. Daring to Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, many are noticing that many little moments are being left out due to the nature of this story and so I am compiling a list of scenes that readers would have liked to have seen. So I encourage anyone to submit a moment that you really wanted to see included so I can add to the list and at the end of this story (if I'm still up for writing) I will either add a "bonus" chapter with as many as requested scenarios possible or add a one-shots series to go along with this story. Some moments that have already been brought up are: Ben's birthday gift to Rey, Little Rey meeting Han and Leia, and more development to the Snoke plotline.
> 
> Feel free to submit your own missing moment that you would like to see written! It's very possible that these little sections will be posted.

**(Five Years Later)**

Ben traced the numbers on the paper; staring in awe as the day had come at last. _He had made it._ At last the final dates had come in which he had lived once before, only now there was no overwhelming darkness staining his soul.

_Were his sins truly washed away?_ It was a fear that never ceased to linger, that no matter the outcome of this new world he had altered, he could never truly atone for the blood on his hands. And yet, the world was at a greater peace without Kylo Ren terrorizing the galaxy. With Snoke dethroned, mother's band of rebels stood as strong as ever. Their ranks had grown without the menacing puppet chasing them into oblivion. And yet, there was the constant reminder that the greatest threat was still living in the dark caverns of Exegol.

Ben breathed deeply, forcing a peaceful start to yet another peaceful day. Palpatine could wait. At least this is what he tried so deeply to convince himself each-and-every morning; praying that without his puppet, the Emperor would crumble just the same.

His attention turned to the small mirror hanging in his quarters. It was a habit that became routine as his fingers rose to scratch the stubble growing at his chin. In another life, he had despised such an appearance, having desired nothing other than a clean shave. _That_ was the way of Kylo Ren. Ben looked over the beard again and at the hair cropped short just above his ears. Two features that seemed so simple to others, yet to him made all the difference in the world. As he gazed upon himself in the mirror, there was a clear distinction. _This_ was a different man. Even Luke used to chastise his obsession over his frequent haircuts, but the man could never understand. He had no desire to glance in the mirror only to find Kylo Ren staring back.

A knock on the door broke him from his thoughts and he quickly pulled a shirt over his shoulders. Ben nearly groaned as his morning routine had been interrupted and forced himself calm as he opened the door to greet the visitor.

"Finn," Ben nodded. The former Stormtrooper replied with a polite smile; a gesture that would have never been offered back then.

"Master Luke asked me to come get you. He said there was something important that he needed to talk to you about."

"So important that he couldn't make the short trip himself?" Ben withheld a groan at the early beckon, without even the chance to complete his morning regime.

"Sorry, Ben… Master Solo, but he seemed quite distressed. I don't think he wanted others to see him," Finn swallowed anxiously. Ben nodded through a sigh before retrieving his lightsaber, clipping the weapon to his belt before following Finn out the door.

There were already eager students ready to start their training as they walked along the path. It always seemed to amaze him how large the academy had grown, with almost too many younglings to remember properly.

"Master Solo," Finn cleared his throat beside him. As always, Ben flinched at the title. Even after years of adjusting to a new life, genuine respect was not a trait that he handled easily. "I've been thinking lately, I think I want to join the resistance."

"The academy is treating you that badly?" Ben scoffed.

"No, no!" Finn began to panic. "I just, I want to do something to help the cause. There were others like me, other's that are just following orders. I want to help them."

"Why are you telling me?" Ben gazed to him in both irritation and confusion. "You are not my apprentice; you don't need to inform me of your choices."

"I was hoping that you might be willing to put in a good word for me," Finn ducked his head nervously. "You know, since your mother is the General. Rey said that Leia was making rounds throughout the entire system, calling for recruitment."

"I told her to keep that a secret," he ranted aloud before sighing. His mother was no doubt brave, but her deliberate actions to put herself in potential danger put his heart on edge. The more that knew of her plans, the greater target she carried along.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry, I didn't know." As Finn only grew more nervous, Ben urged himself to calm. His difficult temper had gained a reputation throughout the years, despite his great efforts to bottle his impatience. More than once Luke had pulled Ben aside to inform him of his strict behavior towards his students. However, Ben simply expected the best out of his pupils, treating them more fairly than any master had been to him. And yet, with Finn practically shivering before him, he began to fear that his uncle had been right.

"I'll talk to her," he finally agreed.

"Really?" The man's eyes widened in surprise, but Ben merely shrugged.

"It sounds like they can use all the help they can get."

"Oh, thank you!" In a moment of confusion, Finn began to reach out to clasp Ben's shoulder before remembering who he was speaking to. It was almost comical to watch him cower backwards, casually bringing his arm to scratch his ear as if he had meant to do so all along. "Uh, thank you. Can you do me a favor? Don't tell Rey, I want to tell her myself."

"Unlike Rey, I keep my secrets," Ben smirked to mask his desire to frown. It was no surprise that the pair had grown close since his arrival five years earlier. They had always been close. An unhealthy pain pranced around in his stomach, testing his temper every time he thought of the Stormtrooper and how the two always seemed to find themselves in each other's company.

Finn was a good man, even Ben could not ignore such a truth. The man's humility had been a grand contributor to his acceptance as an older student. He was old in terms of Jedi. Accepting a Padawan at such an age was more than unusual, but Luke hardly hesitated to welcome Finn. However, to Ben's dismay it meant that he would be joining the other students; he would be joining Rey.

It was a selfish thought to wish to separate the pair. Ben supposed he knew this at heart however, their growing relationship had become a source of torment that was far too much to bear. It was only a matter of time until he found the pair locked in an embrace that would drive him mad.

"You're very close to her," Ben blurted without thought. Finn stopped in his attempt to retreat, spinning around to meet him once again.

"Rey? I mean, sure," Finn answered nervously.

"You're going to ask her to join you," he surprised even himself by admitting the accusation aloud. Ben told himself not to glare, but his furrowed brow betrayed his wisdom. He expected the man to race away to avoid giving him an answer. Instead, Finn stood, watching him in confusion.

"No," Finn almost chuckled. "She would never go with me."

Ben's glare softened in surprise. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, she," he began. Pausing in speech as his hands seemed to struggle in a gesture that Ben could not translate. "You really don't know?"

Ben was certain that his scowl would have the man racing away in terror, instead Finn shrugged as if amused.

"There is too much that she would leave behind," Finn answered. He waited another moment before hesitantly dismissing himself. "I really should get going, I wanted to run the training course before breakfast."

Ben nodded, watching the man jog towards the forest before continuing his own journey to the temple; musing on his words. What could Rey possibly have that would keep her from joining the one she cared for most?

The rest of the walk was far too short to sort his thoughts and by the time he reached Luke there was a tension clouding the force. Ben flinched at the feeling, having only once felt such a strong energy surrounding his uncle. A moment, that he tried so desperately to forget. He walked cautiously through the door, closing it behind him.

"Uncle Luke?"

"Something happened last night," Luke didn't even bother to turn at his nephew's greeting; staring out the window in comfort of nature's sights. Ben's fingers twitched towards his lightsaber before he scolded his senses. _This Luke would not harm him._ "There was a voice broadcasting threats. A voice that I have not heard in a great many years. A voice that should be dead."

Luke turned slowly to meet his nephew's eyes. Ben swallowed anxiously knowing exactly what he spoke of. An indescribable agony seized his body as his peace was torn to shreds. Knowing that his days of hiding from the inevitable had reached its end. His throat swelled uncomfortably, and he furiously fought to keep his breathing steady.

"There is not an ounce of surprise in your eyes. Fear, perhaps, but no surprise. You already know who I speak of, don't you?" Luke narrowed his gaze. Ben opened his mouth to speak but was stopped in an instant. "Don't. Don't you dare give me one of your pathetic excuses. Do you really think I've been blind all these years?"

"Uncle…"

"No matter the moment, you are always one step ahead. Fifteen years ago, I feared what was becoming of your heart and in an instant you abandoned the dark."

"And that disappoints you?" Ben finally managed to glare; softening his uncle's tone only in the slightest.

"Of course not."

"Then what are you raving on about?" Ben asked grimly. For once, his brilliant mind refused to offer an escape from his uncle's interrogations.

"It's as if…" Luke scowled in conflict. "You are a different person entirely."

Ben sealed his lips in a firm line, knowing that his voice would betray his secrets.

"How long have you known?" Uncle glared accusingly. Ben swallowed again, refusing to back away from Luke's dark glare. The sight would've sent him into a panic years ago, but their relationship had gone far differently than in his past life. He wasn't sure exactly when he had begun to trust his uncle, but no longer did he fear that Luke would take a weapon against him. However, there were things he was not ready for, and it continued to surprise him that facing the emperor was one of them.

"A while," Ben answered honestly.

"Why have you kept this from me?" Luke's temper grew. "Do you have any idea what you've done? You've given him time! Time to grow stronger!"

"So have we," Ben bit his tongue from shouting. "Mom said that she gets new recruits everyday."

"Pilots, Fighters. No Jedi, no one with the power to stand against the Emperor!"

"They are needed to fight his fleet," Ben growled. "Palpatine cannot regain his strength unless we send a Jedi to _feed_ him. If we go to him, we will lose!"

"How?" Luke shook his head in disbelief and anger. "How do you know all of this?"

Ben's mind urged himself to answer, while his heart pounded painfully against his ribs. _It couldn't hurt to tell him._ He tried convincing himself as much, but nothing could stir his will to speak. He didn't even realize a tear had slipped to his cheek. Luke observed him with gentler eyes, but nothing could hide his disappointment.

"Have I given you reason to distrust me?" Luke asked calmly. Ben thought on his words. _No._ Not in this lifetime. With his lips on the verge of trembling, he didn't dare to speak his answer aloud and instead shook his head gently. Luke sighed at the response, "Then why won't you trust me with the truth?"

"It's complicated," Ben took a deep breath to banish the remaining tears. Luke watched him for a minute longer before finally sighing in defeat. He expected him to pry further, to test him until his nephew was on his knees divulging everything, but nothing prepared Ben for his uncle's response.

"I am closing the Academy." Luke spoke grimly. Ben stiffened in shock, gazing at his uncle in a mess of emotion.

"What?!"

"I have no choice. I will join Leia in the fight, along with your fellow masters." Luke sighed. "They have all agreed."

"What about the younglings? The Padawans?" Ben began to growl. _What about Rey?_ "How can you abandon them?!"

"Master Voe has agreed to stay with the younglings without a home to return to. When the war is over, those who survive can return." Luke spoke in defeat. "I need you to consider…"

"No," Ben shook his head instantly; pushing against the dark memories of Exegol.

Ben's mastery over pain had been tested to the end of his sanity when he was thrown into the abyss, left to crawl through the rubble without hardly any bone left unscathed. And yet, nothing compared to _her_ fall. Rey's death had sliced through their bond. Filling him with an agony that could not be described using words. All he knew was that he never wished to feel such torture again. _He would make sure of it._ "I will not fight _him_."

"It is unlike you to avoid a fight," Luke watched him carefully.

"How long before you leave?" He ignored the comment.

"An announcement will be made this afternoon. They have a week to gather their plans, then I will be off." Luke sighed, reaching to place a hand at his shoulder. "Please, Ben. Go home. Talk to your mother. When you're ready, I'll be waiting to have you at my side."

And with that, Luke left him alone.

* * *

Ben's legs felt heavy as he walked along the grassy path. The breathing exercises that had been drilled into his head since the beginning of his training, failed to offer any sense of relief. _In and out. Find your peace_ , Luke would say. However, no matter how far he ventured into the quiet woods, nothing could soothe him.

For years he had known this day would come. Palpatine's return was inevitable, but Ben had managed to concoct countless excuses to avoid confronting the Emperor. Their chances of victory would be far greater with his knowledge, but there was always another chance. A chance that once again, he would not survive. _What if his death was inescapable? What if the confrontation was finite and no matter how prepared he was it would always end the same?_

Ben had never been one to fear death. For so long he practically chased the sweet end to the torture his life had been. After all, he never had anything to lose. Yet how different it all was now.

Not a week went by where both of his parents spared a moment for a call and neither went a month without stopping in for a visit. Even Luke's company had become a beacon of comfort, though he would never admit it aloud. And then of course, there was Rey.

He had friends before his descent into the dark. There was Tai, a gentle and patient man. Even when confronted after the temple burned, Tai had been the one to try and reason with the remaining Jedi to hear Ben's perspective. The others, however, wanted nothing more than to kill him. Then there was Hennix, a perceptive Quarren who lived and breathed the ways of the force. However, their friendships were limited. No matter how fondly Ben looked upon his very few friends, Ben kept his heart closed; refusing to offer them any secrets. There was only one who had managed to pull them from him, and only one whom he would give them to willingly.

"Master Solo." A voice broke his thoughts. Ben turned and hardly withheld a growl as he met his former student. He had enough of dealing with Rey's suitors for one day.

"What is it Sival?"

"Well I, erm, actually Rey told me that I have to talk to you." The boy chattered nervously. Ben observed the newly appointed Jedi Knight. With his trembling voice and constant fidgeting, it was hard to see how he even managed to pass his trials.

"And?" He asked impatiently.

"She, um, told me that I would have to ask you for permission to…" Sival paused anxiously. It was almost comical how terrified the boy was. No, not a boy, he supposed. Not anymore. The young man cleared his throat and straightened his posture as if it was his final act of bravery. "W-well, I would like permission to court Rey."

Ben wasn't sure what he expected. Or perhaps he had and his heart refused to catch up to his mind. Regardless, he found himself biting his tongue to refrain from a swift and immediate answer. _No!_ He wanted to shout. _Absolutely not._

"Master Solo?"

"Why are you asking me?" Ben grumbled. "She doesn't need my blessing."

"Y-Yes sir, of course. It's just what she wants, I suppose."

His chest twisted in regret. He should have acted had been so preoccupied in the simplicity of living a life of peace, of training his students like a good master should, he had missed the realization that little Rey was no longer a child. And yet, would she have even wanted him?

Ben observed the young man once more. He didn't dislike Sival. He was, in fact, one of his more attentive students. And yet, the boy had always been so determined to shatter his future. The future that Ben himself had lost.

"If it's what Rey wants, I will not stand in your way." Ben hardly broke a whisper.

"So, is that a yes?"

Ben's fist clenched. _Do not make me say it, boy._ Tilting his head, he merely nodded when words failed him.

"Oh, thank you, Master," Sival tried and failed to mask his excitement. Something that Ben was willing to help with. He reached out to grasp his shoulder, a bit too tightly to be considered friendly.

"If she ever sheds a single tear on your behalf…" He began to threaten, but Sival chuckled nervously.

"You'll rip off my limbs? Kill me?" He attempted to joke, but Ben merely narrowed his glare.

"Take your pick," Ben growled.

"Ah, yes, of course." Sival cowered from his grasp, sliding away casually until his shirt was freed. "Well, I really should be going. I'm sure Rey will want to hear the good news. T-thank you again, master."

And with that, the boy turned and ran. Ben stared after him, drowning in a pain that would have driven him to destruction in another life. He watched the boy race away, unable to fully dwell in his sorrows before a stone smacked into the back of his head. He flinched before hearing her voice.

"You stinken' nerf herder," Rey scolded from behind.

Ben turned to find her arms crossed and her brow furrowed. After growing up with the constant pouts of a little scavenger, flustered by the suddenness of simple things like rules, it was hard to be anything other than amused when faced with Rey's fury. But, for the first time since his return, he allowed his eyes to linger.

Rey stood with a posture that was a clear representation of the discipline she had mastered. With muscles that were properly toned from years of training and clothed in Jedi attire, one would never know that she had once scavenged the deserts. It was no wonder that more than one heart had fallen for the girl. No, not just a girl. Not anymore.

"What?" He asked in offense.

"You were supposed to tell him no!" She complained. "Why else would I have him talk to you?"

"You… What did you think I would say?" He only hoped his relief did not reach his expression, as the weight of a thousand suns lifted from his shoulder.

"No! You were supposed to say, no!" She scowled as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Now _I_ have to do it."

"Are you admitting to trying to pass your responsibilities onto someone else?" He smirked with a raised brow. "Not very Jedi-like."

"You're one to talk," she countered. "You test Master Luke every chance you get."

"That doesn't count. He's my uncle."

"And _I'm_ your best friend, you're supposed to do stuff for me. Like protect me from awkward courting proposals!" She crossed her arms playfully. "And you failed."

"You are the strongest student here and you're afraid of telling some boy that you're not interested?" He raised his brow in amusement. Rey merely smiled playfully.

"At least you finally admit I'm the strongest."

"Of course," Ben shrugged with a smirk. "And when you become a Knight, you'll be the _second_ strongest Jedi."

Only after the words sprung from his lips did he realize it would never come to be. Her trials had been fast approaching and now they never would.

"You are so full of yourself," she narrowed her gaze. "And dodging the issue at hand."

"I would do just about anything for you, sweetheart." Before he could comprehend his actions, Ben raised a hand to grasp a loose strand of hair tracing her cheek. All humor fled the pair as he carefully tucked it behind her ear. "But breaking some poor boy's heart is not one of them."

Rey stood very still, watching intently as his hand retreated. For a moment, he wondered if she would hit him for overstepping. It was what she normally did when such a tension fell between them. This time, however, she took his hand.

"Come on," she began dragging him. "I can't go back there yet."

Ben staggered at the ferocity of her pull. His heart betrayed his senses as it lurched at the feeling of her fingers against his skin. Rey was one to touch freely. There were countless times that he had watched the girl take her friends in an embrace; including the boy she now feared to reject. Ben on the other hand, was never offered even the simplest of touch. For years there was nothing more than a simple brush of limbs during training, she had even stopped slapping his shoulder playfully when he grew too critical. The clear rejection had almost made it easy to accept the truth. Whatever feelings she held for him in their previous life, had been of pity for the wreck that was Ben Solo. Now, with no Kylo Ren needing to be extinguished, Rey appeared content with the limits of friendship.

It had hurt. Oh how it had hurt.

When Finn was welcomed to the academy, he had tried everything to forget her kiss. From meditating peacefully to training into the night until his limbs went limp from exhaustion. For so long he regretted suggesting that the man be admitted into the academy. Watching Rey's relationship with the former Stormtrooper flourish had been torture.

The first night he saw the pair laughing in each other's arms, playfully shoving each other like two lovesick fools refusing to admit the emotions they shared, he had nearly fled the academy. His heart twisted at the memory, at the pain of so many nights sitting alone in his room so that no one could see him break. He had focused so much energy in keeping their bond closed, to avoid revealing his agony through the power of their connection. More than once he wished to bridge their minds. Oh how he wanted to. It was like a buzz in his ear every time she neared, begging to be active. But, he never could. It had taken three long agonizing years for him to accept as much, to let her live as she wanted without his interference. And now, with the simple warmth of her hand against his wrist, his heart betrayed his logic with foolish fantasies of hope.

"Where are we going?" He cleared his throat.

"Anywhere that Sival can't find me," she released him when he faithfully followed.

"Rey, you're only delaying what needs to be done," Ben reminded.

"If you would have told him no like you were supposed to, we could be eating breakfast right now. But no!"

"It's unlike you to be so dramatic," Ben chuckled. He was surprised, however, when Rey went quiet. Her arms crossed like they normally did when she felt discomfort; hiding her gaze to the ground.

"I don't like hurting people," she admitted. Ben had to refrain from snorting as memories of hiding his own tears strangled his heart. _If only you knew, sweetheart._

"Rey," he reached for her arm; forcing her to meet him. "His feelings are not your responsibility."

"That doesn't make it easier," she shook her head.

"No," Ben agreed; despising the hypocrisy of such a lesson coming from him. "But you cannot run from your fears forever."

"I know not forever, just a bit longer."

Ben shook his head with a smirk, before taking a seat on a boulder overlooking a small lake.

"Alright, then I'll wait with you."

Rey offered a wordless thanks as she sat next to him; _right_ next to him. _What was she doing?_ Her shoulder grazed the very edge of his own, emitting waves of emotions that he had long since buried.

"Why don't you just tell him the truth?" Ben mused aloud and Rey turned to watch him with a puzzled gaze. "Tell him you're courting the Stormtrooper."

"The… he… what?" Rey flinched. It looked as if a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind before finally scowling. "First of all, you have to stop calling him that."

"Old habits," he merely shrugged.

"And second, what in the name of the force made you think that he and I were together?"

"You don't have to lie," he assured. Rey, however, only grew more flustered. Her face turned red as her brow furrowed.

"I'm not… I am _not_ courting Finn. I'm not courting anyone."

"Then why are getting so defensive?" He challenged.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in this?" She countered.

"I asked you first."

"Really Ben? What are we, children?" Rey groaned. Ben opened his mouth once more with a half smirk, but was stopped in an instant by a glare that could rival his mother's fury. "Say anything and I'll throw you into the lake."

He merely scoffed, "as if you could even carry me to the water."

"I'll use the force," she threatened playfully. Ben held his hands up in fake defeat as the pair fell silent; gazing over the still water. He didn't even have time to decipher whether-or-not she spoke the truth before she asked, "so, what about you?"

"What about me?" Ben raised his brow in question.

"You know," she shrugged nervously. "Are you courting anyone?"

Her question surprised him. In the fifteen years they had spent together at the academy, not once had they spoke of such things. It wasn't like he had anyone drooling in his presence as she had.

"Don't you think I would have told you if I was?" Ben asked.

"You've been," Rey paused. "Distant lately. I never used to have to pry for an answer."

"You've never asked something so personal," he countered with a smirk. He was surprised when she stiffened.

"Fine, don't answer." Her knees curled up to her chest as she stared across the water. Ben watched her carefully; taken aback by her behavior. Allowing another moment to pass, he turned to watch over the lake.

"No," he answered simply; obviously. "To answer your question."

"Really?" Ben could see Rey glance at him from the corner of his eye. He merely scoffed in return.

"How does that surprise you?"

Rey began playing with small pebbles, tossing them into the water. "You're always spending time with Voe."

"She's my sparring partner," he answered plainly; dreading the direction of their conversation.

"I thought I was your sparring partner?" Rey mumbled.

"A Jedi Master can't have multiple sparring partners?" He could not help but smile. Rey, however, did not seem so amused. Burying his will to chuckle, he cleared his throat. "I think she likes the opportunity to hit me."

"Or she just likes spending time with you," she countered before tossing a pebble his way. He swiftly caught it before snorting at the notion.

"She tried to kill me. _Twice._ " He reminded before skipping the stone.

"You are so dramatic," Rey finally smiled.

"If we hadn't been using practice sabers, my neck would no longer be intact."

"Maybe you should've blocked her with your giant head," she smirked. Ben couldn't help but chuckle before silence fell between the pair once more. Rey continued her game of tossing debris into the water until there was nothing left to throw. A knot formed in his throat as his own advice from earlier buzzed in the back of his mind. _You cannot run forever._

With a sigh, Ben finally turned to gaze at her properly.

"Rey, the academy is closing," he finally admitted. He watched her carefully as she received his words, but to his amazement there was no surprise in her stare.

"I know," she bowed her head from him. "I was strolling outside Master Luke's office early this morning. He was talking to a group of masters."

"You were eavesdropping?" Ben raised his brow in the slightest act of playfulness however, it did not lift her frown. She finally met his eyes with tears lingering at the edges of her own.

"Are you going to leave?" The words escaped in a whisper. Ben pondered the question and the glossy sheen in her eyes; his heart fluttering at the sickening ounce of hope that the thought pained her.

"I've been practically ordered to visit my parents. I think Luke is hoping that my mom will convince me to join him," he shrugged.

"You don't want to join the rebellion?"

"You sound surprised," he noted aloud.

"What else is our training for?" Rey countered. "You're the strongest person here, Ben. Everyone knows that you'll be the next Grand Master. How could you not want to fight?"

"I never wanted to be a Jedi," he reminded. Rey nodded, waiting a moment before asking.

"What did you want?"

Ben sighed deeply, tossing another stone into the lake. He had wanted his father to take him on trips when he got older; to fly at his side until the old man turned grey. He had wanted to stand by his mother's side when the Senators drove her mad; to hold her arm when her body began to fail her. It was so simple and yet they had been blinded by fear. Even after years of mending the relationships with his parents, the resentment seemed to linger.

"Family," he finally answered. It was all he ever wanted.

"Why have you stayed then?" Rey shook her head in disbelief. "If you hate it here so much, why did you stay?"

"I don't hate it. I just wish many things could have been different. I only stayed because," he swallowed anxiously; terrified that his face was as flushed as it felt. _What would she think of the pathetic truth?_ "It doesn't matter. I chose to stay."

Rey appeared to smile, but there was something in her eyes. Disappointment? He thought back to her earlier accusation. _Had he truly become so distant?_

"I'm leaving for home tonight," he cleared his throat before meeting her gaze. "You want to come?"

"Really?" She perked up in an instant. "You haven't brought me for years."

"Yeah, well," he shrugged. "My mother would probably kill me if I didn't bring you along. _But_ , first you have to have a chat with a certain someone."

Ben slipped off the rock onto his feet, hardly refraining from laughing at her pathetic groan.

"Come on," he offered his hand. "One five-minute conversation and it's over."

"Five minutes? Make it one," she tried to smile before accepting his help to her feet.

"He's going to need at least a few minutes to finish crying," he attempted a joke.

"Ben!" She groaned again.

Rey's hand tightened when he tried to release her and Ben tried to ignore it; to ignore the warmth spreading from the source of their connection. Every time he thought his heart would settle, a finger would graze along his skin. They walked in silence through the woods and he didn't dare tear his hand from her grasp; not until the voices of students rang ahead. He pulled from her casually as his eyes spotted the boy in question.

"Good luck, sweetheart," he smiled. "I'll prepare my ship."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is shaping up to be a big one, so it might be split up into two to avoid a super long wait, but I haven't decided quite yet. So just a heads up on that.


	6. Going Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I did decide to split this chapter up. I really want the second part to be good and if I didn't split I fear I would have rushed it. So there will now be 8 chapters total instead of 7.

Ben toggled an array of switches, preparing to activate the landing gear. Ahead he could already see the rolling green hills of his homeland and lakes large enough to produce waves along its shoreline. And then of course, there was the small homestead built just at the edge of the forest. The humble home could never be mistaken for a house worthy of a princess, nor a general. Beside him, Rey leaned forward to glance out of the window in excitement.

"Will Chewie be there?" She asked eagerly.

"Probably," Ben replied.

"Good, I miss him."

A pinch of sorrow prodded his heart; now knowing for certain that her accusations from earlier that same day had been true. Ben _had_ become distant. He had thought it noble to step aside and allow her to choose her own way, while he was left drowning in the painful certainty that their paths would diverge. And yet, here she was in his ship; eager to be with his family. Guilt tore at his insides as he finally came to realize that he had only been hurting them both for a mere oversight.

"Are you ready to try it yourself this time?"

"What? Landing?" Rey glanced at him. "Really?"

"Be my guest," he motioned for her to take the controls. She immediately straightened her posture, grasping the handles with excitement; too much excitement. The ship bowed slightly the moment her fingers wrapped around the controls. "Careful."

"Relax, Ben. I've landed ships before." Rey scoffed.

"Not this ship," he reminded. His hand reached out to cover her own. "You have to bring the wings up first and you'll need to hold it tighter."

Rey's knuckles tensed under the weight of his palm, but she nodded obediently; allowing him to guide her. More than once she swallowed nervously and he began to fear that he had once again overstepped. After he was certain that she understood his instruction, he slowly pulled away.

"Perfect," he nodded in approval once they were safely landed on the ground.

"Why do you like these small ships?" Rey asked. "They feel so much different."

"They have better range of movement." He shrugged. "Easier to maneuver out of a target's sights."

"Is that worth feeling so cramped in here?" She smirked; trying and failing to stretch her legs.

"I don't normally have passengers," he finished toggling the last of the ship's engines.

"You used to bring me along every time you would go home," she reminded.

"You used to be a lot shorter," he pointed. As the engine turned off, he reached to retrieve his things. Thinking nothing of the sudden silence before hearing her sorrowful whisper.

"Why did you stop bringing me?" The question froze him; turning his gaze to the woman beside him. "After we fought Snoke, you changed."

Ben was still as he watched her, failing to find any suitable answer. Sorting through an array of different truths though finding none being fit to share. What was he to say? _Because I loved you when I wasn't supposed to?_

"I just, needed some time alone with my parents," he finally said.

Rey nodded, but there was not an ounce of relief in her eyes.

"I had thought you hated me," she admitted in a whisper. At that, he flinched in surprise.

"What?" He stared at her in shock, while Rey fiddled with the ends of her tunic. _How had she translated the exact opposite?_

"Come on, Ben. You have to know that you changed?" She finally met his eyes. "You became critical, _only_ critical. You stopped sitting with me at meals, you stopped waking me up after a nightmare to talk. I don't think I've seen you smile in years. I thought you were annoyed by me after the whole Snoke thing."

"I wasn't annoyed with you," he shook his head furiously in disbelief. Terrorized at the realization of what he put her through.

"What else would you call that?" Rey scowled in doubt.

"I almost lost you," Ben shook his head in disbelief. "I was scared. I thought that I needed to do better. To perfect your training. To let you live your own life."

He swallowed in discomfort as the admissions flowed passed his lips. His head gently shook as his gaze fell to the floor in shame, sinking in the revelation of his undeniable failures.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

"It's alright," Rey appeared to shrug. However, Ben knew the sight of a mask when he saw one. She was lying; she was hurt. "It's in the past."

"That doesn't erase the pain," he voiced aloud when she refused to and his heart punished him after. Apologies were nothing. They could not change his doomed legacy of failure. They could not bring back those who had lost their lives solely because they found themselves in his path. Then again, as a man's voice shouted from outside of the cockpit Ben lifted his gaze to see his father. The old man waved at them from below and the familiar confusion of facing his family returned.

Ben never could grasp how to cope in the presence of his parents. He had learned to behave, to be more forgiving than they ever would. He had harnessed his anger as they wrought the same careless words that drove him to madness in his past life. And yet, he could never erase the sight of agony in his father's eyes as a flash of red erupted through his chest. He could not help but wonder their reactions if they had known the truth. _Would they still love him?_

"It doesn't erase what I have done," Ben whispered.

"Relax Ben," Rey finally chuckled. "You act like you killed someone."

Ben tried not to react but given the way she softened he knew that there must be pain in his expression. He _had_ killed someone. He had razed villages, tormented countless souls. His body count had been far too high to keep tally. He could see Rey twisting towards him from the corner of his stare and he turned to gaze into her innocent eyes. Her sweet gentle eyes. All at once Ben was reminded how unworthy he was to be in her life.

"I'm just happy to finally have you back," She smiled with an outstretched hand. "Let's agree to never let it happen again. Deal?"

Ben could help but smirk at such a simple solution. As if a simple clasp of the hands could cleanse his dark past. A task that even fifteen years of an earthly purgatory could not seem to amend.

"Really? A handshake?"

"If you prefer we could seal it in blood? Or back on Jakku people would spit on their hands." Rey smiled at Ben's repulsion and exaggerated their shake when he finally took her hand. "Good, now come on! Han's waiting for us."

She quickly removed the buckles around her waist, staggering through the narrow hallway of the ship. Ben followed, releasing the hatch so they could step on solid ground. He almost felt ashamed that he failed to match Rey's enthusiasm as she raced to his father, but he supposed their relationship had never been the type to participate in such actions.

"Hey! You brought the kid with you," Han smiled as Rey practically leapt upon the man. Han grunted at the impact, but never lost his smile. "I guess you're not really a kid anymore. It's good to see you again."

"Good to see you too," Rey beamed up at his father. The sight only troubled him further, reminding him of what he had taken from her in his years of brooding. _Selfish_ , he scolded himself. _Unworthy._ He did not need a voice in his head for him to know as much.

"Hey kid," Han nodded to Ben, reaching out in their usual fashion. Ben returned his nod, clasping his hand within his father's.

"Dad."

"Would it kill you two to hug?" Leia groaned playfully as she hurried from the house. Before either of the two had the chance to retort, Ben was forced down into his mother's arms. Ben smiled over the woman's shoulder. No matter how many times he had the privilege to spend time with her, one gift that he had never failed to cherish was that of his mother's love. "I missed you sweetie."

"I missed you too, mom." He smiled against her shoulder.

"Chewie!" Rey gasped as the Wookie strangled her against his furry chest. She managed to laugh as Chewie roared happily above their hold. Leia pulled from her son to watch the pair, smiling with every passing moment and waiting patiently for her turn to hug the scavenger.

"Alright, get your things," she ordered them both. "I hope you like Alderaan soup."

"I tell ya' kid, she hasn't gotten any better at cooking since you left," Han grimaced in a whisper.

"I heard that!" Leia shouted before disappearing into the house.

Chewie released a roar that could only be translated as a laugh as he followed the woman into the house. Ben smirked before walking astride his father to the ship; tossing Rey's bag into his arms.

"How come you didn't tell us you were bringing the kid?" Han smiled once they were alone.

"It was a last minute decision," he shrugged. "I thought you said she's welcome anytime?"

"Of course. But you're the one that said you didn't want her here."

"I never said that, dad," Ben groaned at his father's knack for twisting his words. "I said that I didn't think she would want to come."

"Because of her boyfriend?" Han's brow rose as he secured the last of their bags. "They still a thing?"

"Dad…" He sighed in irritation but supposed that he had only himself to blame for his father's misunderstandings. "Apparently they weren't a thing."

"Oh," Han smirked. "So you were just jealous for nothing then?"

"I wasn't jealous," he argued.

"Uh-huh, sure. I wasn't born yesterday, kid." Han chuckled. "I know when someone is pining."

"Can we talk about something else?" Ben's temper rose. "Anything else?"

"Alright, alright," the man chuckled. As they walked to the house, he was only given a moment of silence before his father taunted again. "She's gotten pretty, don't you think?"

"Dad…"

"Hey, we get closer to war every day," Han shrugged as if the declaration was meaningless. "Might as well make the best of your time."

Ben pushed against the door and rushed through the hallway away from his father, hoping his face was not as flushed as it felt. The mere suggestion of his hidden thoughts spoken aloud sparked a strange sensation within. At first he thought the pang in his chest was a result of his father's teasing, but with each passing second it only strengthened. His breaths rapidly grew unsteady as he watched the scene before him.

Rey was following his mother through their small dining area, clinging to every word that the woman offered as if it were gold. Chewie was tinkering with Threepio's volume as the cyborg rattled on in a fit of nonsense. Han snuck behind his wife, taking her playfully into his arms. Rey stood with the widest smile as Leia couldn't resist laughing at her husband's antics.

It was beautiful. It was all far too beautiful.

The sensation turned to unexpected terror and Ben raced past the room, tossing his bags aside before hiding himself in the fresher. His heart fluttered from the sudden panic and he found himself gripping the walls for balance to counter the wave of anxiety attempting to strike him to his knees. He wasn't sure the cause, nor the reason for such an erratic display. By the time the strange attack faded, he had sunk to the cold floor.

Tears stung as he gathered his emotions. So much was changing and so quickly was it all happening. Seeing Rey standing taller than his mother, a clear distinction from the awkward teen refusing to leave Ben's side. Now she walked around his house as if she had already been a part of his family. His parents were happy. Without the wedge of Kylo Ren existing to drive them apart, their marriage had seemed to last. It was all too lovely.

A hand clasped over his mouth to silence a sob as the truth bared down upon him. _He was going to lose it all._

* * *

Ben forced a spoonful of his mother's soup down his throat; ignoring his stomach's insistence that he was not hungry. As quickly as his irrational panic had come not an hour ago, it vanished all the same. Leaving him instead with a terrible sense of dread. He was thankful that Rey had come as she drilled his parents with innocent conversation. While she stared in awe as the couple retold their glorious tales on the Death Star, no one seemed to notice his melancholy.

"So, I hear my brother is closing the Academy?" Leia observed aloud. When Ben failed to answer, Rey stepped in for him.

"Yes," she glanced nervously to Ben. Only then did he fear that his behavior had not gone as unnoticed as he believed. "He said that…"

"Palpatine," Leia finished for her when she failed to speak the name. "Only the force knows how he managed to survive all these years."

"Does anyone know where he is?" Rey swallowed anxiously. Her throat twitched and Ben began to worry that he should have given her more attention after hearing the news of her grandfather's return.

"No," Leia answered grimly. "Luke believes he has a lead, but no one knows for certain. He plans to take his fellow Masters with him to Mustafar. Supposedly sith loyalist are guarding something that could lead us to the Emperor."

Ben startled. He had expected more time before his uncle managed to figure out Exegol's location. He supposed it was naïve to think that the man would fail to find it at all.

"What will happen when he is found?" Rey asked.

"We will strike," Leia answered proudly. "Our numbers rise every day. We are ready to fight."

"Don't get overconfident, sweetheart." Han reminded. "It never does anyone any good."

"We have no choice but to attack first. The longer we wait only gives Palpatine more time to grow stronger. Which reminds me," she turned to Rey with a smile. "Luke tells me that you're a pretty good pilot?"

And then Ben snapped.

"No." His low voice hardly broke a whisper. However, as he felt all pairs of eyes fall upon him, he knew they had heard.

"Ben?" Leia stated in confusion.

"You can't have her." His heart thundered in his chest and it took all his strength to prevent his body from trembling. "She is not joining your fight."

"She is an adult, Ben. Rey can choose her own path." Leia's tone grew in authority, but it failed to move him. It was foolish to argue, a calm mind would know as much. However, tension from years of hidden resentment began to heat his blood, until there was a boiling rage simmering within his stomach.

"She's _my_ Padawan," he growled.

"Until this war is over, the Academy is finished," she threatened in a low voice. "Jedi titles mean nothing."

"I said no!"

"Kid," Han warned but was hushed by his wife.

"Let him talk," Leia focused on her son.

"Why are doing this?" Ben glared at his mother.

"Doing what?" Leia watched him carefully; confused by her son's outburst but stern nonetheless.

"You've already fought your wars. You already have your _heroic_ tales. Why are you still doing this?"

"You think I want this?" She narrowed her stare. "You think I want to keep fighting?"

"Yes!" Ben didn't recall moving to his feet but found himself staring down at his mother with fists clenched atop the table. "You had the chance to get out and the moment things got bad you raced right back into the fray!"

"I didn't have a choice…"

"You had plenty of choices!" Ben roared.

"I had responsibilities to the republic!" Leia's shouts matched his own.

"What about your responsibilities to your family? Or was I just a nuisance keeping you from your fight?" Ben countered. Already he could feel the fall of his mother's heart, perhaps his father's too. He could feel Rey's fear as she sat innocently at the table; watching him unleash years of contempt against his parents. And yet, despite all the love they had given him upon his return, the memories of so many lonely nights spent crying under the stars tore at his sanity; releasing like an explosion. "Is that why you handed me off to Luke? Is that why it was so easy to let me go?"

"You know why I brought you to Luke," she tried to speak calmly.

"Of course," he shook his head in disgust. "Can't have a kid around while you rush out to be a hero to everyone else but to your own son."

Leia startled, but was quick to narrow her eyes. "You know that's not true."

"Do I, Mom?" _Don't say it._ The last remaining ounce of serenity pleaded for his silence, for his swift apology for speaking up thus far. And yet, as he gazed into the war hardened eyes of his mother, the words unleashed themselves. "You're throwing your own life away like you threw me away!"

Leia flinched. Her body froze in a terror that he knew would come. To his amazement, he didn't feel sympathy for his beloved mother.

"I don't know why you are so insistent on getting yourself killed," Ben glared at his mother. "But stop taking others to die with you."

Threepio backed away as fast as his mechanical legs would allow once Ben turned from the table. He pushed through the door and walked out into the night.

He had almost forgotten what it felt like to hold onto so much anger. For years he had learned to master his rage, burying it deep beneath his heart whenever it threatened to strike. So why after so much time perfecting his serenity, did he let it all go in a single moment of anger?

A fist raised in a fleeting desire to take his rage out against a tree, but his senses were well enough to know that he would not win that fight. He paced the edge of the forest, not yet ready to beg the force for peace. Time was a lost concept when Ben finally fell in defeat against a log. He groaned into his knees while his fingers tangled the short hair at his scalp.

Seconds quickly turned to minutes and Ben was certain that an hour passed as he sat there. _She is going to ruin everything._ His imagination began to plague him. There were images of his mother's lifeless corpse floating in a dark abyss of starlight, of his father shouting in defiance as the Falcon exploded in fire, of Rey falling to her knees in the dark caverns of Exegol and of Ben failing to reach her in time. The force refused to comfort him; further evidence that everything he had fought for over the past fifteen years was doomed to fall all the same as it had before. Anger fled him, making room for a terrible replacement. His eyelids clenched together as an unstoppable flood of tears forced their way to the surface.

Ben didn't even bother to soften his cries. With only the moon to witness his pathetic tears, he gladly released the pain into his palms. By the time they finally stopped, his eyes were as sore as his aching head. When the agony was replaced by an unwelcome sense of emptiness, he could finally feel _her._

Rey's worry seeped into his heart, even before her soft footsteps could be heard behind him. She didn't even bother to say a word as she sat on the log beside him. A comforting heat poured from her body, seeping through flesh and into his cold heart. It was almost enough to soothe him, but he couldn't bring himself to lift his head out of his hands to see her. Minutes passed as they sat in silence, finding comfort in the mere presence of one another.

"You don't have to hide them." Rey barely broke a whisper. "Everyone cries."

"What are you doing out here?" Ben groaned; a tone he knew would be regretted if she fled from it. Thankfully, she remained patiently at his side.

The answer was obvious, yet to her credit she did not chastise the stupidity of his question. Instead, she answered calmly. "I didn't want you to be alone."

With a pained grunt, he lifted his head from his knees. The fresh air was kind to his hot skin that was still moist from his tears.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he whispered. Rey allowed another moment to pass before speaking again.

"You know, for someone who is constantly nagging me to share when I'm upset, you certainly know how to keep things bottled." She tried to chuckle, but even Ben could hear the disappointment.

"I know," he sighed deeply.

"So," she started nervously. "Want to talk about it?"

Ben shook his aching head but sighed again. There was too much to say and too many fears to acknowledge. Too many memories of those he had wronged that taunted from the back of his mind. Reminding Ben once again of the torture he had felt when death sought to punish him. He couldn't do it again. He could never fight again. Collecting his thoughts, he settled upon a simple answer.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," he whispered in defeat before continuing. "I don't want to lose anyone."

A moment of silence fell between them. He almost believed she had failed to hear him before she finally answered.

"Okay."

Ben turned to see her; startled by the calm reply. "What?"

"We can run. To the farthest reaches of the Galaxy," Rey spoke far too relaxed as she finally rose to her feet. Stepping until she stood only a foot away. Her eyes were comforting, but no less fierce as she met him. "And then what happens when my grandfather finds us? After he's finished terrorizing the rest of the Galaxy? After he's killed everyone we know?"

Ben tried to turn from her; to avoid her logical musings. But then, she cupped his cheek. The act would have sent him into a rage if the fingers along his cheek belonged to anyone but her. Instead, he tensed at her beautiful gift; struggling to focus on anything but the sweet warmth against his skin.

"Ben, if we wait, he will grow stronger. He will kill our allies and when he chases us across the Galaxy, we won't stand a chance. You'll lose everything. We _have_ to help."

When he attempted to pull away again, her fingers moved to grip the side of his face. It was almost irritating how strong she had become. Padawan or not, Ben no longer felt that that he had any right to expect obedience from the woman standing firmly before him. His desire to simply take her and hide from the Galaxy was unmatched for the pride he felt.

"You know I'm right," she said sternly. "You know."

"Why us?" he shook his head. "Why do we have to fight? Why are we responsible for the Galaxy's problems?"

"Because we live in it," she stated far too simply. "And you said it yourself, I'm the ' _second'_ strongest Jedi next to you. They _need_ us."

She smirked and he wanted to growl at the smug display of her victory as his words were used against him. Her thumb began tracing circles on his cheek and all at once he felt his resistance fading. _That's not fair,_ he thought to himself.

His own hand moved to cup the back of hers before she fled his cheek; begging her touch for just a moment longer. In a moment of bravery, or perhaps confusion, his head twisted into the heat of her palm; placing a long kiss against her skin. Ben wasn't sure how to translate the slight gasp that passed through her lips. For a moment he worried that he had frightened her before she pulled him into her arms.

Ben released a deep sigh as he melted against her; soaking in the comfort of her warm hold for as long as she would allow. His own hands snaked around her back and he tucked himself into the safety of her neck. It was likely a pathetic sight if any pair of eyes were to come across the large man seeking solace in her small reach, but in that moment he wasn't inclined to care. He was certain that he could have stayed there until the sun peaked above the shoreline. However, all too soon, she pulled away.

"Now come on," Rey moved to her feet, dragging him with her. "You need to apologize for yelling at your mom. And then show me where I'm sleeping because I'm tired and your mom is insisting that I wake up early to _'learn how to shut a senator up.'_ "

Ben scoffed while following the sweet warmth against his hand. Something had changed in the short span of the day. Where Rey had once been hesitant, she now confidently pulled him along. A normal Jedi Master would be offended at their Padawan treating them in such a manner, but Ben was no normal Jedi Master.

"You realize that you're just going to sit in a bunch of boring meetings tomorrow, right?" He joked.

"It's better than having to sit through one of Master Luke's lectures," she replied. The moonlight lit their path as they trudged through the grass to the cozy home he had grown up. With the comfort of her hand within his he almost forgot what he was about to walk into. When they stepped inside the house, lit dimly by a few remaining lights, Han and Leia were waiting on the couch.

Rey released him before the couple could see their entwined hands, but had no quarries letting them watch her nudge their son forward. Ben attempted to glare at her, but she merely scowled. With a sigh he turned to his parents.

"Rey said I had to apologize," he grumbled.

"Ben," Rey groaned from behind.

"I'm sorry that you…"

"Nope," Rey stopped him again; seemingly unsatisfied with his delivery. Ben turned to glare again, but the young woman refused to back down. With a sigh he returned to gaze at his amused parents.

"I'm sorry."

"See that wasn't so bad," Rey whispered just for him, however given the expressions on both of his parents he would be a fool to think they could not hear. Then, Rey tried to nudge him forward once again. "Now hug them."

"Alright, time for bed." He grasped her shoulders, refusing to acknowledge her triumphant smile as he pushed her along the hallway. She followed him into a room and he could feel her mood shift in an instant.

"Isn't this your room?" She asked in surprise.

"Yes," he answered while retrieving an extra set of blankets; tossing one into her arms. "Here's an extra blanket if you need one, you already know where the fresher is."

"Ben," she stopped him as he reached the doorway.

"What?" he turned to offer his attention and was confused by her expression. For someone so confident only seconds ago, she now appeared to fumble for words. Her fingers grazed the length of her biceps and she nervously shifted on her feet.

"Thank you for bringing me," she whispered.

Ben smiled, clutching the remaining blankets in his arms. "Goodnight Rey."

The door closed behind him with a click as he returned his is own place of rest. However, he swallowed anxiously as he knew for certain that his parents would still be there. Sure enough, the pair remained seated on his make-shift bed with mixed expressions as he entered the room. The devastation on his mother's face was enough to stir his guilt once more, while his father looked far too amused for his liking.

"You let her have your room," he pointed.

"Very perceptive," Ben refrained from rolling his eyes. Han, however, never faltered.

"You used to make her sleep on the couch," he prodded further.

"She's not a kid anymore, dad." He grumbled. "I'm sure she wants more privacy."

"Sure, sure." The man's amusement nearly pushed Ben back into the forest. "You know, I thought the Master was supposed to be in charge. Not the Padawack, or whatever you call it."

"You know what a Padawan is, Han," Leia silenced him impatiently.

"Not so sure our son does," Han smirked. "Now, are Masters allowed to, you know… mingle with their Padawacks?"

"Knock it off," Leia stood from the couch. For a moment he thought she would leave, to free him from the awkward conversation that he wasn't sure how to avoid. Instead, she walked to him, standing so close that he could count the tears building at her lids. "Ben…"

"I didn't mean it," he tried to interrupt but his mother silenced him by cupping his face.

"Yes you did," she accused softly. Her fingers began to tremble against his skin as she too struggled for words. "Why didn't you talk to me?"

Ben closed his eyes, scolding himself for earlier. _Why had he snapped?_ He debated sorting through a list of lies that would shorten the awkward moment. However, when he opened them to see her desperate gaze, her tired eyes demanded the truth.

"You were always busy," he answered quietly.

"I was never too busy for my son." His mother's half-sob nearly broke him. And then, she began to beg. "Tell me you knew that?"

Oh how Ben wanted to. How Ben wished to make her feel like the greatest mother in the Galaxy. But it would be a lie. His own tears formed as she broke at the gentle shake of his head.

"You always seemed so strong," Ben admitted. "I thought I had to be too."

And with that, she collapsed against him. His arms tightened around her, while his heart shattered at every cry falling into his shoulder. He was half aware of Han standing a few feet away; uncertain what to do as his wife muttered an array of apologies.

"Mom, you did your best," he tried to assure, but the choice of words only seemed to strengthen her grip. He couldn't stand it. To see his mother, the woman of so many legends, reduced to a fit of sobs in her son's arms.

"My best wasn't good enough," she replied when she finally managed to calm. He sighed against. _No_ , he thought with a grimace, _it hadn't been good enough._ At least not in his past life.

"It's alright, mom." He tried to promise.

"Kid," Han scratched the back of his head. "You know that we, that we uh, well you know."

"I know," he nodded. For once, when his father brought his arms around him, Ben did not pull away. So many apologies passed all three sets of lips, until he was unsure what they were even for anymore. However, one thing he knew for certain was that he never wished to let go. "I love you too."


	7. Of Doubt and Dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the extra wait time on this, but this chapter got waaay longer than originally planned; like double the size.
> 
> This chapter begins with a POV switch. The idea to give some insight for Rey was a last minute decision and was the deciding factor to split this from the last chapter since it simply got way too long. Let me know your thoughts on how Rey's characterization feels. Hope you enjoy!

***Rey***

Ben hadn't been exaggerating when he had claimed how boring his mother's meetings would be. Rey fought against the desire to yawn as yet another Senator began drabbling about their systems problems. _We all have problems,_ Rey wanted to counter grumpily. She supposed, however, that the experience made her appreciate life at the Academy. And yet, even that seemed to be ending.

Rey straightened her posture as a wave of uncertainty tried slumping her shoulders. For so long she fought against the ridiculous posturing of the Jedi after a brief yet feral beginning on Jakku. She only wished that she could grasp the memories prior to her abandonment on the desert planet. The faces of her mother and father were all that her memory would allow of the pair before having found herself in the tight grasp of Unkar Plutt.

Rey's face scrunched on its own accord at the thought of the fowl being. He had stunk, among many other things, but most of all he had terrified the little five-year old. The Crolute would wield countless threats of breaking her parent's pact if she proved to be weak in his 'army' of scavengers, usually consisting of selling her to even more unsavory characters. However, in the end his threats did not matter.

Rey could not help but smile as she recalled _that_ day; the day a tall intruder barged into her pathetic home. At first, she had been terrified of the dark-haired boy. Certain that he was there to claim her findings as his own and dispatch anyone who dared to stand in his way. And then, he hadn't. Instead he had offered his kind hand and pulled her from the dark crevices of the old AT-AT. No matter how many times Ben forgot himself, no matter how many times his irritable temper got the best of him, he would always be her savior.

Ben. Rey sighed, threatening her foolish heart from tumbling as the name crossed her outburst the night before had set her on edge, casting a shadow upon the bright little family. Rey had seen him angry; she could see his fists clench no matter how good he got at masking the dark emotions. They had happened more frequently over the past few years, but she had never seen him _that_ mad. He had left the table in a rage, leaving her to watch his mother crumble into tears. Leia, General Leia Organa. The Legend of all her favorite stories, the woman who had braved so many feats, had cried in front of her. _Really_ cried.

The terrible sight of his broken family had nearly been enough to put tears in her own eyes. Han had held her through it and Chewie offered words of praise in a folly attempt to uplift the General. And Rey, had just stood there.

The scavenger had never felt so conflicted, with too much pain erupting from her chest. There was a terrible sensation of being torn in two as she felt not only the tension in the room, but also from the agony pouring from the lonely man in the forest; a man without a pair of arms to warm him nor a set of lips to whisper kind words in his ear. He had been alone, and oh how he had felt it.

Ben had been easy to find. Somehow, there was always something tugging her towards him. Even as a child she had felt it, though only recently had it begun to spiral out of control. It felt as if there was a switch in the back of her head, constantly begging to be flipped. Only, she did not know how nor if it was wise to try. She used to believe it was simply the way of the bond between a Master and their Padawan, but after years of sharing Ben's emotions she knew it was something else; something forbidden. There were so many times that Rey wondered if she should ask about the unique pull, about the way she seemed to know exactly when he needed her. However, there was always the fear that it had to do with the stupid childish affection that refused to fade. Discussing the strange connection was out of the question.

For many years Rey had looked proudly to her master. She was quick to silence anyone dumb enough to speak poorly of him with a little fist to their faces. It had gotten her extra meditation hours more than once as a child, but she had never regretted fighting for the boy who had saved her from the lonely desert.

Her fascination had only grown when he accepted her into his family, when he introduced her to the great Han Solo and Leia Organa. There were no doubt stars in her eyes that first time he had brough her home, but their greatest gift was always saving her a seat at the table. Family. Oh how she had always craved it, and Ben had practically given her one. How easy it had been for her heart to be fooled.

Rey couldn't remember the exact moment her affections changed; from mere childish admiration to an emotion she didn't dare name. She only knew that the switch had caused pain, so much pain. It began with fleeting thoughts here and there; of simple musings over how wonderfully his dark hair contrasted his fair skin, or how mature the short beard at his chin seemed to make him. Ever so slowly, the daft emotions began to toy with her logic. Soon enough a simple brush of the shoulder had begun sending her heart racing and seeing him wear a genuine smile would release butterflies in her stomach. After their confrontation with Snoke, it only became worst. The more that he tried to distance himself, the harder she tried to perfect her faults.

Rey remembered how hard she worked after returning from their battle with Snoke. Ben _had_ changed, regardless of his own doubt. She had disappointed him. There were so many nights she spent late in the temple, building her body until she could pass as a woman; to be seen as more than a foolish teen conned into running straight into trouble. She perfected everything: her temper, her posture, her silly desires to poke fun in every lesson. She even stupidly began wearing a smidge of make-up here and there, all in the hopes that _he_ might notice; that he would see her as more than that fragile little desert girl. Oh how she had longed for the day that he would see her as an equal. For the day that he might see her worthy enough to…

_No!_ Her mind growled. _This was not the time for girlish fantasies._ Ben was a traditional Jedi. He was always challenging Master Luke and reminding the older master that 'it was not the way of the old Jedi'. She had pieced the truth together long ago; he wouldn't want her. She had to remind herself countless times, he wouldn't want anyone. It was the true Jedi way to be free of attachments. Master Luke would always refute his nephew, becoming lapsed in the old teachings and allowing his students to form relationships if they so desired. Ben, however, had never seemed interested. Instead, he would bury himself in his studies and throw himself at a training dummy until his knuckles bled. Even if Ben desired anything different, there was a long list of far more suitable partners than some scrawny desert girl. And yet, despite all the signs to fuel the obvious logic, her heart flickered with pointless hope. After last night, her stupid thoughts were out of control.

Rey could hardly sleep the night before, if she had slept at all. Not with the scent of his blankets wrapped around her torso. Certainly not while her mind replayed the memory of his gentle kiss at her palm. She had no choice but to pull him into her arms, lest she try to claim a kiss of her own. That was a rejection waiting to happen. What would he think if he knew just how much she enjoyed having him rest against her neck? His warm breath at her skin had only added fuel to her burning heart, sending her thoughts to a place that bordered being sinful. She had rushed him out of her arms and back to the house; hoping to bring a swift end to the family's drama and to banish the budding emotions with proper meditation. But then, he went ahead and offered his room. How was she to get him out of her head with his scent lingering in every inch of his quarters?

"Keep your comms on you at all times, be prepared for anything," a man ordered above the crowds; snapping her from her thoughts. A surge of excitement flowed through her, _was the meeting finished?_ Sure enough, the crowd began to disperse and Leia started to gather her things. Rey tried to contain her eagerness as she helped to haul one of the General's bags over her shoulder. Then the man who had spoken last stopped before them. "General Organa."

"What is it Commander Dameron?" Leia nodded to the man.

"I have a new batch of recruits coming in tonight, I would ask that you reconsider allowing the party to go on?"

"I have already said my peace, the other Senators won't have it." Leia almost appeared annoyed. "Of all people in the rebellion, I would have thought you'd enjoy a night off."

"This isn't the time for a premature celebration," the Commander groaned. "I will be all for it once the enemy is defeated."

"You're barking to the wrong person, Poe, I have no power over the Senators. And it's not a celebration, it's a chance to enjoy yourselves before putting your life on the line," Leia tried to sound optimistic. Rey swallowed nervously, narrowing her eyes at the man for chastising his General. Ever since the night before she felt a shift in the woman. Ben's outburst had gotten to her. Rey was almost certain that Leia would be agreeing with this man, if the weight of her son's fears had not fallen upon her shoulders. The General finally smiled and reached out to place a hand on Poe's shoulder. "Go visit your family. Enjoy this night of peace. Who knows how many we have left."

Poe sighed and Rey could tell that he was not moved by her speech. Then his eyes fell on her. "Whose this?"

"This is Rey," Leia answered for her. "She is a close friend of my son's."

"Hi, I'm Poe," the man smiled before reaching out a hand. Rey hesitated, confused by Leia's glare before she finally shook it.

"Hello," Rey replied.

"Will you be there tonight?"

Rey wasn't sure she liked the strange way that Poe smiled.

"Don't even think about it, Dameron." Leia threatened, but for what she did not know. Poe simply chuckled before nodding one last time and bidding goodbye. "Come on, Rey. We ought to get back to the house and make sure Han hasn't killed my son."

"What?" Rey startled, but Leia only chuckled.

"My husband is many things, but responsible is not a word I would use to describe him. Once, when Ben was only three years old, he thought it was a good idea to let him shoot a blaster," Leia appeared to groan at the memory. " _He_ was confused as to why I nearly rang his neck."

Rey couldn't help but smile, enjoying every tale of motherhood that the woman had to offer. She only wondered what stories her own parents would have.

"I wonder if my own father had been just as reckless." Her heart dipped, knowing that she would never know. When her senses returned, she flushed red. "I'm sorry, that was improper."

"Improper? What is my brother teaching you?" Leia chuckled. "You are welcome to speak your mind, Rey. There is no shame in it."

Rey nodded, but could not resist hiding her stare into the ground. She had only been away from the Academy for a day and already it felt as if she had lost years of etiquette. They walked in silence for a few moments before Leia began sniffing loudly beside her.

"Do you smell that?" She asked. Rey took a deep breath and scrunched her nose as the scent of smoke filled her nostrils. Leia continued her quest to find the source as they rounded the corner. "It smells like… What have you two gotten into?!"

Rey almost walked right into the General as her gaze fell to the large pile of rubble in the middle of their yard. She had to stifle a laugh when she came across the two men watching the last flames burn out. When their gazes turned to Leia, both sets of eyes widened in obvious guilt.

"Hey sweetheart," Han tried to smile. "You're home early."

"What is this?!" Leia gestured to the rubble.

"Well, you remember that old speeder you've been asking me to get rid of?" The man stated as if the answer were obvious. "It's gone."

"I said get rid of it! Not burn down our house!"

"Don't be dramatic," Han rolled his eyes before clasping his son's shoulder. "We had it under control."

"I leave the house for three hours…" Leia grumbled before pulling her husband aside to endure more hushed arguments. Ben took the chance to escape the pair, making his way to her side.

"Have fun?"

"Not really," Rey shrugged with a smile. "Looks like you did though."

Ben merely smirked, allowing his eyes to fall upon the rubble once more. His light skin was darkened by soot.

"You have ash on your face," she pointed with a chuckle.

"We were sighting in some old blasters." He spoke softly enough to ensure the words did not reach his mother. "I bet my dad that he couldn't hit the gas tank."

Rey's eyes widened with shock. "You caused this?"

"In my defense, I didn't think he'd actually do it." Ben shrugged. "Now I owe him a hundred credits."

"You are insane, Ben Solo," Rey barely managed to hold her laugh. In a rare sight to behold, Ben shared in her pleasant struggle.

"Insane?" His brow rose in mock offense. "I don't think anyone has made that claim before."

"Maybe not to your face," she joked. Ben released a huff of breath while resisting a smile.

"What did they discuss?" He asked.

"I didn't understand most of it. They talk like their reciting some ancient textbook," Rey grumbled.

Ben nodded with a scoff. "The Senators like to remind the common folk that they are educated."

"Your mom doesn't," she argued.

"She used to," Ben smiled. "I think spending so much time with my father has made her…"

"Do _not_ call her dumb," Rey threatened.

"I was going to say humble," Ben cast an offended glance. "You think I would say that about my mother?"

"You're not exactly one to keep harsh opinions to yourself," she defended. "How many times have you called Master Luke a 'damned fool?'"

"That's my way of helping him stay humble," he smirked again before glancing towards his mother. "So, you gathered nothing from the meeting then?"

"Mostly concerns over resources being short in certain systems," she shrugged. "Oh, and there's some party going on tonight."

"Party?" He scoffed. "I guess an eve of war makes sense to break out the spice."

"Spice? Not very Jedi-like to indulge yourself in such things," she scolded playfully.

"You heard my mother," he chuckled without humor. "The Academy is dead. I am no Jedi."

"Master Luke said it will reopen once the war is over," Rey reminded. Ben however, never smiled.

"Whatever happens, I think this is my avenue out of a life I had been forced into as a child."

"What?"

"I can get a bigger ship," he shrugged so casually. "Finally become a pilot. You know, _if_ I even make it through."

Several seconds passed that she stood, staring in disbelief.

"What are you saying, Ben?" She whispered.

"I'm not going back," he answered again. His calmness only sparked her rage.

"You can't just leave the Jedi Order!" She exclaimed.

"Why not?"

The question hit her like a slap. Even worst however, was the continued expression of ignorance upon his face. The concept of parting didn't even trouble the man; her savior. _You can't just leave me!_

His head tilted, as if he had somehow grasped a hint of the sting in her chest. By the time his lips parted to speak, Leia had beckoned her forward.

"Come with me, Rey. We have a lot to do." Leia shouted behind her shoulder while walking towards the house. Rey quickly turned away, certain her eyes would expose her heart.

"I guess I'll talk to you later." She tried to avoid sounding disappointed, but knew it was pointless given the expression on his face. Hiding her face into the ground, she began jogging towards the General.

* * *

Rey's fingers began to grow sore as she sorted through an array of papers for Leia. After an hour passed, she was almost regretful that she had freely offered her help. She wanted to sprint a mile or grab Ben and force him to spar with her. Not to mention the concept of hitting him seemed far to appealing in that moment. Sitting and mulling on her thoughts was driving her crazy.

It was all so foolish to feel disappointed. Allowing herself to hope had been stupid enough on its own, she had known that from the start. And yet, she had watched him unleash fury at the thought of losing her in the coming fight. He had welcomed her into his family. She could have sworn there was a bit of sorrow in his eyes when he so stupidly assumed her relationship with Finn had blossomed past mere friendship. And in the end, he wanted nothing more than to move on with his life and leave her well behind.

"Red or blue?" Leia called from the other room. Rey wiped her eyes quickly and scrunched her brow in confusion. When no one else responded she realized it was only her left in the house. Clearing her throat, she hoped her voice would be void of the sorrows trying to strangle her.

"Sorry?"

"Which color do you prefer?" She called again.

"Um, blue I guess," Rey answered. A moment later, Leia walked into the room with a handful of dark blue fabric. It took another moment to realize that it was a dress.

"Good choice," the General smiled before holding up the dress; gazing upon it nostalgically. "My mother had given this to me shortly before… before Alderaan's fall. I was much skinnier back then."

She chuckled while clipping the clothing to a door. Leia walked a few steps before her eyes fell to a portrait nearby.

"Is that your mother?" Rey asked when the silence grew uncomfortable. Rising to her feet, she walked joyfully at the chance for a break.

"Yes. Well, my adopted mother I suppose."

"What does it say?" Rey squinted once she was near. Beneath the portrait of a man and woman was an inscription in a language she had never seen before.

"Bail and Breha Organa, King and Queen of Alderaan. My adopted parents." Leia answered proudly. "She was as beloved as any leader could ever dream to be."

Rey smiled and nodded in typical fashion, before the term truly reached her senses.

"Queen?" Rey's eyes widened. "So, so you… You mean… You're a princess?"

Leia chuckled nervously, as if the title had struck a nerve.

"I don't usually associate myself with that term anymore, but yes, there was a time when I was royalty."

"So, does that make Ben," she stopped herself from blurting the term. Her face flushed crimson as once again she was reminded just how out of reach the man truly was. All those years of bickering playfully with her master, of landing cheap blows just to earn a pointless victory. All along she had been disrespecting a prince. Leia, on the other hand, could hardly contain her laughter.

"Please inform me first if you ever plan to call my son royalty. I imagine his reaction will be priceless," she smiled.

"I thought they were only in fairy tales," she mused aloud. Jakku had not been a planet to house royalty, and Master Luke's temple had been no different.

"It's not as glamorous as it sounds," Leia assured as her amusement faded. "Princess is just a fancy word for a senator. Now where is, ah, here is a picture of my birth mother."

Leia reached for another frame, blowing a bit of dust from the edges before handing it to Rey. The scavenger's eyes glossed over the picture but had to remember to force her lips closed as amazement flooded her senses. Now _she_ was a queen.

"She's gorgeous," Rey whispered.

"She was," Leia agreed sadly. "I wish I could have gotten to know her."

"What about your father?" The words flowed so freely. It wasn't until seeing Leia's flinch that she realized her error. _Stupid, oh so stupid._ She glanced to the woman, pouring everything into her apology. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Leia sighed. "My brother forgave him so easily, but I… well, let's just say I'm not made for the Jedi life of wisdom."

"I think you're very wise," Rey assured.

"You are kind," she smiled. "My father put my family through great pain. There was a time I thought I had finally forgiven him, but then Ben came. He was still in my womb when I had a vision of him…"

Leia paused with tears building upon her lids. Whatever she had intended to say retreated into her throat.

"I couldn't help but blame my father for the darkness I had seen. I never realized that it would be me that would cause him so much pain," she choked and Rey feared that she was doomed to repeat the events from the night before.

"Ben loves you," she assured. "He's just not good at saying it."

Leia, at least, stifled a chuckle.

"It seems to run in the family," the woman sighed. Rey reached for her hand and clasped it within her own. It was what some of the other Padawans would do to comfort someone in pain, but she began to worry that she had overstepped when the General flinched. However, a moment later her fears vanished as her own hand moved to cup the back of hers. "Thank you, sweetheart. Now come on, this is supposed to be a happy day. It's your turn to have the fresher, I'll find you some shoes while you bathe."

"Shoes? What's wrong with mine?" Rey glanced at her comfortable boots. They weren't new, but they were far from being soiled.

"You can't wear them to a party," Leia merely chuckled before grasping the dress once more. Rey stared in confusion as the beautiful fabric was placed into her arms, before her eyes widened in terror.

"Wait, I-I can't…I've never…"

"Come on child, into the fresher."

* * *

***Ben***

Ben scowled as he pushed through the crowd. Stopping himself more than once from exclaiming how foolish it was to host such an event so close to chaos erupting. Loud music and laughter refused him the opportunity to think and a woman already drunk off wine bumped against his shoulder. Withholding a groan, Ben quickly scurried for room to breathe.

He scanned the large gathering, looking for any sign of a familiar face. Finally, after a few minutes of searching, his father emerged from the crowd.

"Kid," Han nodded in greeting, but there was something disturbing about the way he smiled. Ben eyed him suspiciously as his father moved to his side, leaning in close to whisper at his son's ear. "Remember, girls like to be told that their pretty."

"What?" Ben tried to combat the rising heat in his face.

" _All_ girls."

"Dad, what are you on about?" Ben nearly rolled his eyes.

"It's just like your mother. She only ever wanted people to know how tough she was, but," Han smirked with a playful grasp at his shoulder. "No matter how much she tried to deny it, she always liked it when I told her she was pretty."

"Why are you telling me…" His voice trailed off when his mother stepped through the crowd.

Leia had been born of royalty, even as a General she had a knack for wearing decorum suited for a princess. At an early age Ben had grown accustom to seeing his mother parading around in a dress with her body adorned in various jewels. He was not, however, used to seeing _her_ in such attire.

Gone was the scavenger's over-worn garbs and humble robes of the Jedi. Hair that was used to being tied at the base of her neck flowed freely along shoulders that were practically bare. The woman's walk was awkward as she struggled to adjust to a style of unfamiliar shoes, but the small fault didn't distract from her beauty. No matter how long he stared, he couldn't seem to process what those familiar brown eyes were doing on this princess.

"Close your mouth, kid. You'll scare her off," Han whispered before walking to his wife. "You look lovely as always, sweetheart."

"Oh, knock it off, Han," Leia smirked at her husband's clumsy attempt to place a kiss at her knuckles. Ben would have smiled at the couple; basked in a wave of joy that his parents had maintained a good marriage without his great faults to tear them apart. He couldn't, however, strip his attention from _her_ own stare.

Rey was watching him carefully, fiddling nervously with the fabric of the dress that was so entirely new to her. When their mutual gazing lingered for a bit too long, her eyes ducked to the ground while her cheeks burned red. At that, he finally smiled. _There's my Rey._

"I have to mingle with the senators," Leia's smile was even more mischievous than his father's as she glanced between the pair. Ben felt his own face flush under their teasing gazes. "Rey tells me that she's never been to a party, why don't you show her around, Ben?"

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's leave the kids be," Han tugged her towards him before leaning in to whisper one last time at his ear. "Remember, tell her she's pretty."

Rey was far too close for him to curse his father's teasing and before he even had a chance to scowl at the man, Han had already been dragged away by his wife. When Ben was left alone with Rey, he was uncertain whether he wanted to laugh at his family's antics or hide in embarrassment at their banter. However, he was thankful that the girl beside him appeared oblivious and instead found great interest in the ground.

"She started talking about hairstyles," Rey spoke nervously. Her eyes never seemed to find the courage to meet him. "I made the mistake of saying that my mother never had the chance to teach me anything. Your mom practically forced me into a chair."

She tried to chuckle, but nothing could mask the trembles in her throat. Ben's lips curved upwards to encourage her laughter.

"I-uh, I could have taught you," he cleared his throat. "Well, at least some things. Mostly braiding."

"You know how to braid hair?" She smirked.

"Well, when you have a Wookie to practice on," he smiled; happy to see that her laughter offered another chance to relax.

The sound did something strange to him; stoking the embers of his adoration that for so long remained carefully buried. He wanted to hear it again, he wanted to see that smile remain forever. However, after a few moments her stare became glued to the ground.

Ben had watched her grow from child to teen to the woman she had quickly become underneath his very nose. He had seen her live an entirely different life; a life of hardship, pain, and extreme loneliness. He had seen her face foes that even the greatest warriors of legend would tremble at their feet. And yet, he had never seen her as petrified as she was then.

"I should have brought you home more often," he grasped for any words to break the silence; searching for any way to see that smile again. "She could have taught you all sorts of things."

Rey could only muster a light smirk while gripping her elbows that were tucked in close to her belly. A desperate attempt to hide the sight of skin that she preferred to keep to herself.

"I feel ridiculous."

There was truth in her voice, but then there was something else. She was terrified of such a new setting, even a blind man could see as much. However, there was desperation in the way she stole occasional glances; waiting anxiously for his next words. He thought of his father's advice and in a crazy moment of understanding, he was thankful for his teasing.

His chest constricted in regret, chastised himself for taking so much for granted when he should have known better. Perhaps his mother had been right, perhaps this was the perfect time for a party.

"Do you, uh, want to?" He gestured forward with his eyes to the dancing crowd. Rey followed the gaze, before growing even more panicked when noticing just where he had pointed.

"I don't know how," she answered quietly as a few trembles slipped past her careful defenses.

"That's okay, I do." Ben raised an arm to offer his hand. The moment brought about a memory of the first time he had made the very same gesture, though how different this moment was. Rey glanced at his open palm and for a terrifying second, he believed she would turn and run. But then, in a moment of wonder, her fingers were sliding along the tips of his fingers until they lay flat against his palm.

The touch surprised him, adding another beat to his already drumming heart. Ben had endured great moment of torture in his past, experiencing pain that would make even the toughest of beings wonder if their hearts would burst under the pressure. And now, in a simple moment of bliss, he could not help but fear that it was only a few beats away from failing. All because of a silly touch.

She had taken his hand before. Only a day ago they had followed the trail to his home hand in hand. He had spent the entire night wondering what the touch meant, before finally settling on the possibility that it had been nothing more than a friend's plea for comfort; taming his desperation for the touch to mean more. But this, _this_ different.

Rey's grip tightened once they began walking. He refrained from making a joke over his mother's 'gift' as Rey used him for balance; having no desire to allow humor to soil this moment. He stopped at the edge of the crowd, choosing a spot that would best hide them from curious eyes. However, in the end Ben simply ignored the distant smirks upon his mother and father.

A gasp slipped between Rey's lips when he took her waist, and she could no longer deny the shivers. Just when Ben thought to release her and step away, Rey took his arm in a death-like grip.

"It's alright, Rey," he promised quietly.

"I know," she barely broke a whisper. When her shoulders relaxed ever so slightly, Rey looked at his shoulder and over and back again. Uncertain, it seemed, where it was proper for her eyes to rest. "Are we supposed to be this close?"

"Yes," he smiled; barely containing his chuckle. "That's usually why people dance."

"Why?" Her face flashed crimson. "No one at the Academy ever does this."

"I'm sure some have behind closed doors," he shrugged with a smirk. "I'm certain that your buddy Silvas would have liked to."

"I would have punched him if he came this close," she shook her head fiercely.

"Well, I appreciate your hesitation to do the same to me," he tried to chuckle. Rey, however, looked petrified at the concept. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No," she quickly stated. Her shoulders relaxed as if to prove her point. "It's just new."

He nodded in understanding.

"Me too."

"You?" She finally looked up to see his eyes. "Then how do you know what to do?"

"Mom taught me a long time ago," he explained while extending his hand to spin her slowly. Her panic fueled his burning chest as she so adorably returned to his arms with a fierce grasp. "Don't like spinning?"

"I-I don't know," she breathed nervously, while her eyes seemed to look everywhere but him. "Ben, they're all looking at you."

He finally released his chuckle.

"No Rey, they are all looking at you."

"Why?" She tensed in an instant as her face flared red.

Ben's chin tilted slightly. _She really didn't know?_ His father's advice stirred at the back of his mind as he waited for their eyes to join. Taming all senses as he poured every ounce of sincerity into his words.

"Because your beautiful," he whispered.

Rey flushed again; once more ducking from his gaze.

"People don't normally look at me," she whispered.

"Yes they do," he promised quietly. "You just don't notice them."

"Am I embarrassing you?"

"No," he denied firmly, while his arms tightened on instinct. "Ignore them."

Rey swallowed nervously, tucking her chin off to the side and away from wandering eyes. He was ready to pull her out of the crowd until finally a few moments later she began to relax.

"I learned something today," she whispered.

"What did you learn?"

"That you're a prince."

Ben almost choked as he bit back a scoff.

"No." He denied immediately.

"Your mother was a princess," she reminded.

"I am not a prince," he shook his head with a forced smile; knowing that his irritation would be misunderstood. "Alderaan's royalty died with the planet. Even my mother has abandoned the title."

"But you would have been one," she pressed; driving to a point that he didn't understand. And then he felt it. A sudden distress filled his veins, a pain that once again did not belong to him. Ben swallowed his panic as he worried that the bond had slipped, but the realization of just what she feared overshadowed his own concerns. Racing through his mind were her incredibly foolish fears that she was unworthy for a prince.

"And you would have been an Empress," he reminded. "Though I think it's safe to say the galaxy would have far preferred you over its previous predecessor."

Rey did not relax as he had hoped and instead lowered her gaze to the ground once more. His hand rose hesitantly, running a careful finger along her cheek. He could only imagine the reactions of his parents if they were still watching, but all that mattered was taking away her sorrow.

"I meant that as a compliment," he promised.

She tried to smile, leaning ever so slightly into his touch.

"I guess I can see why you don't like that term," she said. He tried not to scoff before returning his hand to her waist.

"That's all I would have needed. Yet another title that I would fail to live up to."

"What do you mean?" Her brow lifted.

"I'm already the nephew of Luke Skywalker, grandson of Darth Vader, son of the great Leia and Han Solo; named after the ever-powerful Ben Kenobi," he couldn't resist releasing his aggravation in a sigh. "I can't take another legacy on my shoulders."

Rey stared for a moment, watching him in great confusion. "You don't think you've lived up to them."

"Is that a question?"

"Why do you think so little of yourself, Ben Solo?" The tone was surprisingly harsh given how nervous she had been the entire night. "You were the youngest Jedi to ever become a Master. You killed the Supreme Leader and sent the First Order scrambling for years."

"Yeah and look where we are now," he reminded. "Any day now Luke will find the Emperor and we will forced onto the frontline."

"You bought the Rebellion time," she argued. "Valuable time."

"Time to realize that their days are numbered?"

Rey simply narrowed her gaze. "Give me one good reason why you think you have failed your family?"

Ben shook his head softly. _Because I'm a monster._

"Rey, there's a lot about me that you don't understand," he sighed.

"I would if you'd just tell me," she challenged.

It was his turn to hide from her; flustered that he had no one but himself to blame for the conversation. For a moment, he considered pulling away to run. It was what he normally did when faced with such conflict. But then, the strangest thing happened. She stepped closer to rest her head against his chest.

"You have no idea how hard it is for the people who care for you to watch you suffer in silence. Please, Ben, let me help you," she whispered against his shirt. Ben breathed softly while she rested above his lungs. The thought that she could most certainly feel the storm in his chest at her ear terrified him to his very core.

The bond that he had so successfully blocked for many years, began prodding his mind. Building like an intolerable headache; demanding attention. His eyes scrunched at the sensation and tried to focus on the angel in his arms. However, the more his thoughts lingered and the longer she remained, only seemed to aggravate it further.

"You already do, Rey," he whispered. _In so many ways, my love._

Around them, the crowd began to clap at the end of the song. Rey startled back at arm's length, but quickly relaxed when all eyes were turned away from them. When she met his gaze her cheeks had flared red, as if only just realizing her actions. Ben finally smiled. "Come on, let's get some fresh air."

* * *

Rey walked along the edge of the beach where the sand met a patch of tall grass. As she moved her hand grazed along the tips of foliage and her smile, oh that smile, shined as brightly as the fireflies fleeing into the air. She was a walking contradiction, Ben thought to himself. Having long since removed the pair of shoes Leia had given her, she walked barefoot in the sand with a childlike innocent. And yet, her dress flowed so elegantly with the blades of grass, as if she were a queen basking in the glory of her humble subjects. Suddenly, her claims to see him as royalty did not seem so bad.

Ben wasn't sure how long he watched the angel giggle at the unique insects, nor did he care. He would stay there all night if it meant spending each moment adoring this woman. _When did she grow up?_ He could not help but of their past filled his mind, breaking down every last barrier that he had so perfectly crafted.

For so long he had waited for the little girl he had taken from Jakku to grow into the woman that now paced the edge of the beach. He had forced himself away to let her live a life of her own choosing and yet, here she was. _Could it be because she wanted him?_ Images of her kiss threatened to break his sanity, as he desperately wished to relive every sensation of her touch from so long ago. Ben also recalled those terrible moments spent stranded in the unknown. Doomed to watch half of his heart drown in sorrows.

_You loved me in another life, could it be possible for you to love me now?_ He begged the force to answer, to grant him permission to seal their unity with a kiss. Ben's willpower began to crumble as their bond sizzled in the back of his skull. The dyad pounded relentlessly, begging to be released; to feel her mind brush against his own.

_You are one,_ the force practically whispered. _Make it so._

"They almost look like stars." Rey's voice managed to break his trance. All around her the bugs took flight, illuminating the space around her. Ben fought against the emotions in his throat, preparing himself before so foolishly blurting words of affection.

"More like comets with how much you're moving them," he hardly managed clear speech.

"Are you saying I'm a destructive hinderance?" Rey narrowed her gaze, sinking his heart into his stomach. _He had offended his angel._

"No, of course not," he quickly stated, but Rey merely smiled at his quick defense.

"I was joking, Ben." She chuckled, but after meeting his gaze it appeared that she too grew nervous. _Was he staring too much?_

Whatever had troubled her seemed to flea as she moved to sit at his side. Accompanied by an aura of warmth that snaked through the folds of his clothes to soak into his skin. The closer she got, the more his bond threatened to break through.

"Your mother showed me a picture of your grandmother today," she said. "She was beautiful."

"She was," Ben nodded.

"I accidentally asked about your grandfather," Rey spoke softly. "I think I upset her."

Ben merely shrugged.

"She doesn't like to talk about him. But, I'm sure she knows that you meant no harm," he promised. "My grandfather put her through a lot of pain. He tortured both her and my dad and destroyed her homeland. It's hard for them to let go."

"I thought she'd be more forgiving," Rey stated.

"Why's that?" Ben asked curiously.

"I don't know, she's always been so full of hope. And he did change in the end." Rey shrugged nervously, as if fearing that she had answered incorrectly. He was ready to explain that the question had not been a test; that his days of seeing her as a mere Padawan were long gone, but then again…

"Would you forgive him?" He blurted.

"What?" She flinched in surprise.

"Could you forgive a man like Darth Vader?" He asked. "If he tortured your friends and killed the ones you loved, could you forgive him?"

"Is this a test?" She asked innocently.

"No," he shrugged as casually as he possibly could before asking again. "If Anakin Skywalker found a way to change his past, to prevent himself from becoming a sith, would he be worthy of my grandmother's love?"

"That's not possible," she scowled at the challenge.

"Imagine it was," he pressed. "Imagine he had found a way. Would he deserve even an ounce of forgiveness?"

For a moment, he thought she would flea from him. Or at the very least refuse to answer. Rey shifted uncomfortably, but eventually managed to whisper.

"Yes."

It was Ben's turn to stare in awe.

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't you?" She watched him cautiously. "Isn't that why the Jedi exist? To turn hearts away from the dark? If we aren't ready to welcome them home, why would anyone tempted by the dark feel safe in the light?"

Ben gaped at them woman. Certain, despite all his knowledge that proved differently, that she was an angel that escaped from the moons of Iego. And he, the once feared Kylo Ren, was her willing prey.

_My angel, you'll never know how much I needed you in my first life._

"Besides," Rey continued. "If he stopped himself from hurting people, what's left to forgive?"

"He would have their memories," he whispered softly. "All those he had wronged, he would carry them wherever he would go."

"Sounds like a worthy punishment," she agreed with a shrug. "But it would also keep him safe."

"What you mean?"

"I would think it would help to remind him not to trust the lies of the dark side," Rey explained.

"I never thought of it that way," he admitted in a whisper.

"You think about this often?" She half joked.

"I used to struggle with the pull to the dark," he ducked from her gaze. "You know that."

A flash of shame crossed her features before she nodded in understanding. He offered a light smile to reassure her that he meant no ill will.

"Do you think he would have still married your grandmother?" Rey asked quietly. "After knowing how it could end?"

Ben nearly flinched in surprise at the question.

"Of course. My mother paid Naboo a visit many years ago. She found pages written between the two," Ben answered confidently. "They loved each other very much."

"But it was against the Jedi code," she pressed. Ben had to contain his desire to scoff.

"The Jedi had a great number of faults. Forbidding love was one of them," Ben held back the venom. "I'd wager that my grandfather would have never fallen if he hadn't been forced to hide their marriage. Instead, he was discouraged from entertaining fear as if it were something that could even be contained."

"I thought you liked the old ways of the Jedi?" Her brow scrunched as she asked.

"What gave you that idea?" He scoffed.

"You're always arguing with Master Luke about how he should run things." She reminded. Ben swallowed nervously. Perhaps he didn't have as good of a grasp on his temper as he had believed.

"I suppose I have a knack for giving my uncle a hard time," he admitted. A pinch of vile built within his throat as he forced himself to acknowledge the truth. "But, I think he has made many changes for the better."

"Wow. I think I just heard your head explode," she mocked. Ben allowed himself to smile through her chuckles.

"If you ever tell him I said that…"

"What?" She interrupted with a smirk before calling his bluff. "What will you do?"

"I don't know," he shook his head playfully. "I'll force you to do another eight-hour meditation."

"No way!" her eyes widened in clear discomfort at the memory. Their chuckles lasted a moment longer, before there was nothing but the sound of waves pressing against the shore.

Shouts of joy echoed in the distance from the ongoing party, but there was nowhere else he'd rather be than their peaceful little beach. From the corner of his eye he could see her adjust her posture more than once before asking.

"So you're alright with Jedi getting married?"

"Of course." Ben merely shrugged. Rey, however, was watching him in disbelief. "Why does that surprise you?"

"You've never courted anyone before," she returned to playing with the fabric of her dress. He thought of a playful retort, to remind her that she had admitted just the same only a day before. And yet, his heart compelled him to answer truthfully.

"I had never found the right partner."

The cold light of the moon melted against her warm stare. In another life he would be disgusted by the storm in his chest, by the appalling way his intellect became muddled with poetry. He wanted to shower her with words of adoration, to exclaim that her beauty went beyond physicality. The worst part was, he didn't care. With a flutter of his heart he swallowed as the realization revealed itself. He loved her. Then again, he always had.

Her shoulder brushed against his when she tried adjusting her posture. She whispered an apology, but when Ben moved to shake his head his gaze was captured by her own. _How did they get this close?_ Rey sat at his side, watching intently. Waiting. _But for what?_

A flash of shame stilled him. It felt wrong. He had sat too closely, selfishly clinging to the generous heat between. She was an angel being adored by a demon's unworthy stare. _Selfish._ He was oh so selfish. And yet, he didn't have the power to turn away. With the full strength of their dyad buzzing in the back of his mind, how could he? And then, as if the force meant to stir his doubt, the sky exploded.

Rey leapt to her feet in an instant, stripping him from the lovely heat they had shared only seconds ago. His mind, still drunk off the sensation of her nearness and still muddied from a conditioned conflict, failed to comprehend her fear. She twisted and turned, looking to him in horror.

"It's just fireworks, Rey." He answered softly. Rey narrowed her gaze in doubt, but when he never startled at the strange activity, she allowed herself to calm. The voices cheered in the distance and ever so slowly began to disperse.

"Sounds like the party is over," Rey observed aloud. Ben merely nodded with a sigh, swallowing the pain of the Force's rejection. He supposed it was foolish to be hurt, for he had known it all along. He never deserved her.

Dousing the bond's aggravating flames, he forced himself to rise.

"We should get back," his voice nearly betrayed him. "We have an early start tomorrow."

* * *

The house was dark when they returned. After shouting more than once through the house, he came to the conclusion that neither of his parents had returned. Nor had Chewie and the droids.

"Must still be at the party," he noted aloud. "About time those two enjoyed themselves."

Rey smiled, but the expression failed to reach the rest of her features. With tense shoulders her arms were once again folded across her stomach, while her fingers ran anxiously along her biceps. _Say something,_ his mind urged.

"I'll grab a change of clothes," he stated, slipping passed her before vanishing into his room. By the time he found himself reaching into his drawers, his arms had begun to shake. Ben wanted to growl at the force for its inconsistent punishment; uncertain how much longer he could take of the bond's torment before falling to his knees and divulging everything. And yet, as he walked back into the hallway to find his angel blocking the path to his make-shift bed, he couldn't help but wonder. _Why not tell her?_

"Ben?" Her voice was weak as she begged his attention. He took slow steps to reach her, tossing his night clothes on a chair nearby.

"Yes?"

Rey's mouth opened more than once as she struggled to speak, and her glossy eyes pleaded for comfort.

"What's going to happen to me now that the academy is closing?" She finally asked.

"You can go wherever you'd like," he assured.

"I don't have anywhere to go," she admitted in a whisper. By the way her lips clamped shut he imagined she was on the verge of sobbing and yet, he couldn't help but smile at her foolish worries.

"You have more options then you think. You already know that my mother wants to recruit you. I'm sure dad is trying to figure out how to get you on his ship."

To his surprise, none of his words seemed to offer any sort of comfort.

"Where will you be?"

"I," he stopped in surprise. "I don't know."

For a silent moment, Rey observed him carefully.

"I don't want things to change," she admitted in a whisper.

"Me neither," he agreed softly. However, he was met with a glare.

"You're lying," her accusation slipped softly. Ben stiffened uncomfortably, taken aback by her claim. _What?_

As if she could hear his question in her mind, she scowled.

"You're already making plans for when the war is over. To abandon the Jedi." A tear slid along her cheek before continuing. "To abandon me."

He flinched at the admission, finally understanding her hesitation. He almost smiled in disbelief, but the angry tears in her eyes warned against letting it show.

"You think I intend to leave you behind?"

Her scowl lessened.

"Why do you think I need a bigger ship?" His arm lifted on its own and by the time he regained control of his action, his fingers were already grazing her cheek. Rey ducked her chin slightly and her embarrassment flowed into him. With a stroke of his thumb he wiped away the tear. "Where would you like to be?"

There was a heated silence as he awaited her answer. He could hear his heart in his ears as he desperately wished to hear the words aloud. And then, his angel's eyes rose to meet him.

"I want to stay with you."

He couldn't speak as she stepped closer to meet him in a daring move. Rey gripped his arms to hold him steady, as if he had any desire to flee, while her lips reached his cheek. It was quick, hastened by uncertainty as she met his eyes after.

A trail of tingles was left behind by her lips, and the will to ignore his pulsing heart tugged at the end of its last string. The last of his logic taunted him, remining Ben that he shouldn't entertain the desires flowing through his veins. And yet, she too had remained. Rey's hands were still at his arms as her gaze searched his own; _begging_ for something. With a flutter of his heart he imagined that he knew just what it was she sought.

Rey brought her fingers to rest at his chin; testing the texture of his scruff against her soft skin. He clung to his resistance a moment longer, before her eyes lingered just above his chin. Against all his conditioning to be doubtful of any worth, against his carefully crafted judgement, he kissed her.

Ben had no recollection how his hand ended up at the back of her neck, nor how he found the courage to break his resolve. The only thing that mattered was the elation of their kiss.

Rey didn't shy away as he feared. Instead, her hands closed around his shoulders, pulling herself deeper into his touch. It was much warmer than their first and far less painful. There were no broken ribs burning in agony at the ferocity of her hold, replaced by a thundering heart. He wanted to memorize everything: the feel of her fingers grazing the side of his face, the pressure of her body held against his, the sensation of deeply buried desires that were sated at last by a simple touch. Every trace of her fingers against his skin, every graze of her lips moving against his own produced a new flood of emotion that his mind failed to commit to memory.

His mind was drunk from her gift. When she broke with a gasp he found himself chasing her lips; stopping just short of claiming another. His finger moved to trace the edge of her smile, as they stood in the silent hallway in a shared breath.

"Does that mean I can stay?" She whispered so sweetly. He took her face gently within his hands, resting his forehead against her own. For a moment, he basked in the relief of her nearness.

"I see no future without you at my side," he promised.

She reached once more, taking his lips gently within her own. It was short and featherlite, but oh so sweet before she pulled away far too soon. Leaving him with a smile to haunt his beautiful dreams.

"Goodnight, Ben."


	8. Breaking Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for the extra wait time, this whole quarantine thing has been more difficult than I anticipated. I hope you all remain safe from this virus and that this update can at least be a little bit of light in your day.
> 
> Thank you to all who have left kudos and special thanks to those that have been commenting. I love interacting with you all and hope to see you in future stories!

As the morning sun crept through the window of their humble little house, Ben was almost certain that he hadn't been allowed a single minute of sleep. He groaned as his head throbbed with a pain he had never experienced before.

Ben had thought their kiss would soothe the angry entity buzzing at the back of his skull. Instead, what had been a subtle tickle grew into an intolerable agony overnight as their bond sought to punish him.

He pulled his legs from under the loose blankets, sitting for only a moment before his head fell into his open palms. He needed to run, to train, to do anything to get his mind off the woman in the other room. It was improper, no, it was sickening to dwell on a single moment for so long. To relish in the memory of her lips pressed against his, to chase that beautiful smile that she seemed to save just for him. And yet, his once brilliant mind refused to think of anything else while the thoughts only amplified his torture.

Foolish desires swelled within him, rising to the point where he could no longer decipher if it was his own mind or the strength of their bond causing such insanity.

Ben wanted Rey to open the door to his room and walk straight into his arms. He wanted to fall to his knees before her, offering every ounce of his soul if she would accept it.

The threat of war brought no favors as the force seemed to wield the knowledge against him. Their time was limited, it would say, taunting Ben with everything he knew they could never have.

Rey deserved it all before the end, and oh how Ben wished to make it happen. To traverse the Galaxy together, showing Rey all the lands she had never been allowed to see. To spend months properly courting her, to prove that his feelings went beyond mere infatuation. To marry her on this peaceful planet that had once been his home and to whisper words of love as they shared a wedding bed. To raise whatever number of children she desired in a house surrounded by green. To ensure that the only time her feet would ever sink into searing hot sand again, would be instantly cooled by a wave drifting along the shore. And yet, a part of him knew it was selfish to dream of such things when he knew how the fight would end.

A sudden slice of guilt startled him as he realized just what he had done. He had given her hope the night before. Hope that all those wonderful dreams could one day come true when he knew far better. One of them would die, and like before, Ben would make sure that it would not be his Rey.

The pain thickened; as if punishing the dark thoughts. And then, an even greater strike sent him to his knees. He quickly scanned the empty room, hoping that his parents were still sleeping peacefully in their beds. _That_ was all he needed for them waltz into their living quarters to find their wreck of a son shivering on the floor.

Ben's breathing grew heavy and after only a few more moments he was certain that his head would burst.

"Why are you doing this?!" He asked no one. To his amazement, something answered.

_Why are you still fighting?_ A familiar voice whispered at his ear.

Ben managed another scan, but once again found no one.

"Grandpa?" Ben gasped through another wave of agony.

_Let go, Ben._

Ben began to shake his head, sorting through the long list of reasons he had once concocted against binding his mind with Rey's. His brow scrunched at how foolish they all seemed now. In a moment of weakness, he allowed the thought to slip. _Why_ _ **was**_ _he still fighting?_

He hadn't meant to activate the bond, to release the power tormenting his mind. And yet the moment it slipped, the moment his weak mind reached for hers, he felt peace.

For the first time in years his head felt clear; free of a burden he hadn't even realized that he had been carrying. Ben took a deep breath, basking in the sweet relief of his mind's release. And then, he panicked.

Rey appeared before him, sitting on the floor while sorting through an old book that his mother used to read him before bed. Her fingers scrolled along the pages that he recalled marking in ink when his parents looked away. Ben remained still as he watched her, both terrified and enamored by the way she smiled at his childhood memories.

For a moment, Ben had thought she couldn't feel him as several seconds passed where they sat in silence. And then, she gasped. The book fell to the floor as she stiffened, before she slowly turned to see him.

The girl's eyes went wide with an array of emotions that Ben didn't know how to decipher. He could see her mind racing faster than the speed of light, while her body stilled unnaturally. Rey's lips parted with a deep inhale and he was certain that she would spring to her feet to counter whatever rush of shock the bond had forced upon her.

Instead, she collapsed.

"Rey!" Ben sprung to his feet in a panic as she faded from his sight. He rushed through the hallway, fueled by his pounding heart as he pushed through the doorway and into his room. _What had he done?_

Rey looked delirious as she tried to pull herself to her feet. The scavenger only lasted a fraction of a second before falling back to her knees, barely holding herself up with trembling arms. Ben managed to make it to her side just in time to catch her next fall.

"Rey?" he choked anxiously; watching hopelessly as she heaved for breath. He encouraged her slowly to sit properly, cursing himself for his weakness. Rey brought an arm to cover his, while her face remained fixated on the floor. A moment passed where only raspy breaths filled the room.

"I'm okay," she managed to speak through a shaky breath. "I'm…"

Rey finally lifted her gaze to meet him, staring with wide eyes.

"Ben?"

"Here, let me help you to your feet," he tried to rise but was stopped by a pair of tight fists twisting against his shirt.

"Ben," she gasped again. Ben watched her carefully. Rey's panic molded into relief as she whispered in disbelief. "I remember."

His mouth fell open in preparation to question her meaning. Before the words could form, he saw it.

He saw a flash of red clashing against blue. He saw the touch made from galaxies apart. He saw them standing side-by-side against an army of red and then apart once more on the ruins of the Death Star half-buried in the ocean. Every moment that led to his collapse in the dark ruins of Exegol flashed into his mind. Except, the memories were seen from eyes that weren't his own.

"Ben, I remember!" Rey smiled; the same smile she'd given him when he gave his life for her.

"Rey?" He whispered in disbelief.

Her uncertain gaze showered him as her hands moved to trace the edges of his face. The first touch of her fingertips against his cheek caused her to startle, as if she too could not trust her own mind. Her shoulders rose and fell with heavy breaths as she continued to recover from the revelation.

Ben thought to ask if she was alright but knew that it was a pointless question when their thoughts were already entwined. He could feel the shock of a thousand memories flooding her thoughts and the slow yet welcome relief as she eventually caught up to the present. Rey watched him cautiously with shivering hands against his skin; displaying her fears that at any moment he would vanish once again.

"That's not going to happen," he promised in a whisper. Rey flinched, as if only just noticing their connected minds. And then, she dared to smile.

"It worked?" She breathed. The terrible discomfort faded, replaced by a warmth filling both their veins. Ben began to nod in response, but her fingers tightened against his face. The fierce grasp held him steady as she pulled herself to him in a bruising kiss.

The ferocity of her touch surprised him, nearly sending them both tumbling backwards to the floor before he caught their fall. There was a new intensity in the emotions, _their_ emotions, combined into one shared soul. Rey's heart thundered alongside his own. Her desires rose, soaring through his veins before her heart tumbled once again. The feeling of their hearts intertwined almost frightened him.

"It worked," she sobbed in disbelief against his lips. Ben began to retreat, intending to wipe the tears from her lovely skin. However, the moment Rey sensed him parting, a strong hand moved to the back of his neck.

Ben only smiled at her behavior, amazed at the new confidence in the way her fingers weaved into his hair. The link of their dyad purred as at long last, his heart was sated. Then, Rey's loneliness ebbed into his thoughts, displaying the pain his delay had wrought. Ben felt himself scowl as he deepened the kiss, promising that she would never again be subject to the terrible emotions.

_I'm sorry_ , the thought slipped. Rey simply answered with another caress. With her gentle palm half covering his ear, he couldn't seem to hear the footsteps just outside the door.

"Everything alright in there, sweetheart? I thought I heard someone fall…" Han paused.

Ben broke from her in an instant to hide his reddened gaze, while Rey stared in awe at the man standing in a mix of shock and amusement at the door.

"Kid, you know your mom's going to kill you if she finds you in here," Han sighed in false exasperation.

"Han Solo!" Rey leapt to her feet and crashed into his father's chest. Han stumbled backwards with his arms outstretched in shock.

"Uh, hey kid." His brow rose as his arms wrapped hesitantly around the scavenger, staring at his son in confusion. By the time Ben moved to his feet, Rey was pushing away from his father.

"Where's Leia?!" She asked excitedly.

"Uh, I think she's getting breakfast going," Han hardly finished answering before Rey dashed around him. A moment later, a surprised squeak sounded from the kitchen. The man turned to gaze at his son. "What was that about?"

"No idea," Ben merely shrugged as casually as possible; focusing his energy on taming his pounding heart.

There was an ease in the way his body moved. The dyad, separated for far too long, had been punishing him more harshly than he realized. For the first time since his return fifteen years ago, he felt free of a burden he hadn't even known existed. Ben's heart came to rest at an easy pace, thanking his foolish mind for finally breaking the chains that he himself had tightened.

Even now, rooms apart, he could feel Rey pouncing upon his unsuspecting mother. He refrained from smiling while his father stood smirking.

"So, I take it you had a good night?"

"Dad," he shook his head in a weak fight against the burning in his ears. Thankfully, his father merely chuckled as Ben moved around him. He only hoped the red on his face faded by the time he reached his smiling mother holding the scavenger through her confusion.

Leia cast a glance to him, similar to his father's, searching for an answer to the strange confidence from the girl in her arms.

"Wait, Ben!" Rey pulled away to glare at him. "We have to talk to Luke!"

"Luke? You just got here." Leia glanced between the pair. "What's going on?"

"We have some news that he must hear!" Rey urged.

"You have to tell Luke that you're dating?" Han asked as he entered the room.

"What? No!" Rey glared at the man. "We know how to get to Exegol."

Ben flinched as he finally began to understand.

"Rey…"

"Exegol?" Leia's eyes widened. "Why would you ever go to Exegol?"

"To stop my gran… To stop Palpatine," Rey blurted.

"How do you know…" Leia started to ask but Ben began to pull Rey towards the door.

"I need to speak with Rey in private," he silenced his family before closing the door behind them. Rey had the audacity to appear confused by his behavior as she stared at him. "What are you doing?!"

"What do you mean what am I doing?" Rey crossed her arms. "What have _you_ been doing?! Why haven't you told Luke?"

"Because we're not ready!" he answered in exasperation. However, as the words passed his lips, he could finally feel just how foolish his fears had been. Given the way that Rey's glare deepened, he knew she felt the same.

"Not ready?" She scolded. "Ben, do you not feel it?"

Ben wanted to shake his head, but her thoughts sprung into his own. He did feel it. The unimaginable power flowing through their veins and the overwhelming aura of the force stationed around them. It was a power that even the dark side could not offer. They were together at last, truly as one. Ben had never felt so unstoppable.

"I'm going to see Luke, and then I am taking him to Exegol to stop my grandfather," Rey stated calmly, but no less firm. She waited for him to meet her gaze before continuing. "I would prefer that we try it together this time."

Rey reached out into the empty space between them, holding her palm upright for the taking. Days ago, _no,_ hours ago he would have dug his heels into the ground and begged her to stay. But now, with the gracious power simmering between them, it was easy to take her hand.

"Alright," he sighed. "What do we tell my parents?"

"How about everything?"

They both flinched before noticing the pair scowling from an open window. Ben wanted to groan.

"Do you two not know what private means?" He growled at his parents.

"You should've closed the window, genius." Han scoffed before making a gesture with his hand. "Get in the house. Apparently we need to talk."

* * *

Forty-two minutes and thirty-four seconds.

Ben counted every moment where his uncle sat staring in doubt at the tale being told. When the old man wasn't sitting in silence, he would spend their time wasting his breath on alternative solutions to the impossibility presented by his nephew.

The interrogation would have been unbearable if not for the warm hand resting within his own. It had been Rey who refused to release him upon entering the Academy; a touch that had not gone unnoticed by wandering eyes. To his uncle's credit, the man did not produce any expression when his eyes first fell upon them.

"So," he began by clearing his throat. "You two think that you, what? Time traveled?"

"There's no 'thinking' involved," Ben groaned. "I know what happened."

Rey's patience flowed through their bond, and a gentle stroke of a thumb was all it took to soothe his rising temper. He cast her a subtle glance; both soft and grateful.

"Right, because you're a dyad?" Luke raised his brow. "A union unseen for generations?"

"Which part is confusing you, Master Skywalker?" Rey asked in a tone that was less than pleasant. Luke turned to scowl at the young girl before returning his attention to Ben.

"And you've turned my most loyal student against me," Luke accused half-playfully.

"You said it yourself, uncle. You've known for some time now that something's been off," Ben pressed. "You know I speak the truth."

"Yeah, but not _this_ ," Luke ran a flustered hand through his hair before rising to his feet. Within seconds, the man began pacing behind his desk.

"What would I gain from lying to you, uncle?" Ben asked.

"I've spent my entire life studying the force, the history of the Jedi, the sith even. What you're talking about isn't possible!"

"Our bond made it possible," he reminded.

"Your _bond_ ," Luke scoffed in disbelief. "A dyad."

_Forty-five minutes_ , Ben counted with a sigh. He watched his uncle carefully.

It had been obvious that the news would be difficult for even the wisest person to comprehend. Ben knew he would have been a fool to think that Luke wouldn't resort to every other avenue of possibility before finally accepting the impossible truth. He did not, however, expect this much defiance from his uncle. The man who had already seen so many impossibilities come true.

"He just doesn't want to believe it because of what he did to you." Rey's impatience surprised them both. Luke halted in his tracks, turning to glare at his young student.

"When did you get so bold?" Luke asked.

Ben observed the man once more, noticing the way that Luke tensed at the very suggestion and how his lip trembled as he spoke. With a drop of his heart, Ben realized that Rey was right.

He recalled the moment of betrayal so long ago. The moment he had awakened to the threat of a saber at his throat in a home that should be sanctuary, by a man who was meant to protect him. He remembered escaping the temple on his ship, shoving the vessel into lightspeed just moments before collapsing on the cold floor.

So many tears had been shed that night. The memory of his sobs poked at his heart, recalling his desperate shouts that would never reach a listening ear.

" _I didn't want this!"_ He had cried. Over and over, he had cried. _"I never wanted this!"_

Even without Snoke's taunts, Ben knew that he couldn't return to his mother or father. How could he?The heir of so many legends, of so many heroes, was the monster they had all feared him to be. With one final lash from his uncle, the beast had finally been unleashed. All because the great Luke Skywalker had failed his nephew.

The hand on his own tightened and Ben could feel Rey's attention shift his direction. There was no doubt that the sudden calm in his heart was a gift of her own fruition. With her gentle light flooding his mind, he didn't even feel bothered that she had seen the memory.

Ben looked to his uncle once more, observing the subtle twitch of his lips and the pool of tears growing at the edge of his lids. He could not help but wonder if more than one mind had been manipulated by the dark that night.

When he finally found the will to speak, it amazed Ben how easily the words rolled off his tongue.

"I forgive you," Ben said.

Luke looked to him softly. For a moment, Ben was filled with remorse for how he had acted since his return. Even after living two lives, it seemed that he still had much to learn. His failure to forgive had stripped him once again of a healthy relationship with his uncle. There had been a time when that truly mattered to him.

"You say that I tried to take my nephew's life. My sister's son," Luke whispered as a tear slipped along his cheek. "You want me to believe that?"

"You're not the only one who wishes that night had gone differently," Ben reminded calmly.

Luke's throat bobbed as he bit back a swell of tears.

"I failed you, Ben."

"Yes." He didn't even try to deny it. "But, I guess, I wasn't always easy to deal with."

"You weren't supposed to be easy to deal with," Luke laughed without humor. "That was why your mother entrusted me to take care of you."

Ben did not reply. He waited for the man to cope with the burden of so much information.

"Does anyone else know?" Luke finally sighed.

"Mom and dad," Ben answered. "Chewie as well."

"What, what do they think of your tale?" The man asked.

Ben knew that he shouldn't laugh, but a few chuckles escaped before he could contain the rest.

"Let's just say you should probably expect one of them to throw a punch," Ben tried not to smirk. Beside him, Rey appeared to share in his struggle as they recalled his father's reactions. He was glad that Chewie had been there to help calm the old man. "Though, I have asked them to refrain."

To his relief, Luke smiled lightly.

"Alright," Luke sighed. "Let's say I believe you. Tell me again exactly what we need to expect when we arrive on Exegol."

* * *

Ben took a deep breath as he stood amongst the same trees that had watched him grow into a man. Behind him in the distance, Luke and his fellow masters were loading supplies into the ships for their journey to Exegol. Several days ago, he had stood in that exact same forest, dreading the fight to come. And yet in that moment, not an ounce of concern remained.

There was a light that could be felt long before he heard Rey's footsteps approaching. The closer she became, the stronger he felt. Ben took a deep breath in reverence of the great powers of their dyad.

"Everything ready?" He asked as she moved beside him.

"Almost. Nearly all the padawans have returned home to their families, those without are eating supper." She replied simply. A moment later she smiled. "We were loading the ships with supplies when Hennix almost dropped a crate on Voe. You should've seen her face."

"She should know by now that he's clumsy," Ben smiled.

Rey began to nod before falling silent.

"I have friends, I grew up with friends." She whispered with a shake of her head. "I have memories from my childhood that I actually cherish."

Ben turned to see her, both wounded and comforted by the glossy sheen in her eyes. A wave of appreciation soared from her mind and into his own.

"Thank you," she met his gaze.

Ben smiled lightly.

"I wasn't going to leave you there," he spoke with confidence.

"Wait," she gasped suddenly. "We have to get D-O!"

"D-O? You mean that old droid?" Ben smirked. "Why?"

"Because he's all alone," she stared him down when he scowled, as if the task's merits should be obvious. "Don't look at me like that. We'll stop on our way back."

"We are about to face the most powerful Sith Lord in the Galaxy, and you're worried about an old D unit," he spoke playfully.

"He has a good heart," she argued.

"It's a machine," he smirked. "It doesn't have a heart."

"Are you saying that you won't go with me?" Rey's brow rose, but her mischievous smile was all too knowing. Ben couldn't help but smirk, knowing that he would not deny her.

"Anything you want, sweetheart."

Rey flinched at the term, before a blush covered her face. Ben was confused as to why he was showered with a mess of unease. Turning back to the girl, he examined her conflicted emotions.

"I'm not used to hearing you say that," she admitted quietly.

Ben looked to her in confusion.

"I call you that all of the time," he reminded.

"I-I know, it's just strange," she spoke quietly. "I can't explain it. I have all these memories, and yet a part of me feels like I woke up to a brand new life."

Ben waited a moment, before clearing his throat in discomfort.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No," she answered quickly. Her face grew red once again. "I think I like it."

For a moment, they stood in silence while Ben mused on her description. He swallowed, uncertain why he felt so uneasy.

Thoughts began to plague him. Thoughts of everything his meddling with time had deprived her from. He had freed her friend, Finn, but what of the others? There had been the pilot that she now barely knew, even the droids she had grown accustom to were nowhere to be seen. How many others had he kept from her?

The emotions lingered until finally he could wait no longer.

"Rey, are you happy?" Ben asked nervously. "This new life, are you happy with it?"

Rey did not lift her frown right away, a sign that caused him to panic when she still said nothing. But then the gentlest of fingers slid along his own. His hand opened on its own accord to accept her grasp. Once her fingers found a home between his, she nodded with a smile.

"It's like this is how it was always meant to be," she answered softly. "Why did you wait so long?"

"Hmm?"

"Our bond. You could've opened it years ago," she asked. "Why didn't you?"

Ben flinched, knowing that he should have expected the question to arise. It was one he asked even himself over the years. How pathetic he felt now that his foolish concerns had deprived them both of their powerful bond.

"I wanted to give you a chance to choose your own path," he answered quietly. Staring at their entwined hands. "I didn't want to assume I had any place in your future."

At that, Rey stepped in front of him to force his gaze upon her. The scowl she wore would be enough to frighten the great Emperor himself.

"After everything that happened, after the way you…" she paused while battling her sorrows. Rey wouldn't say the word aloud, he knew as much. Though the memory of his passing flashed through his mind. Rey also reminded him of the gift she had given just before and then the terrible pain that lingered when he was taken. "I had thought my feelings were clear."

Ben felt his face flush, knowing that his heart was laid bare. He was almost regretful that she could see everything, _feel_ everything. And yet, the notion also offered relief.

"So much had happened," he spoke quietly. "I thought that maybe you were just being… grateful."

"Grateful?" Her brow rose with her smirk. His face only burned hotter with every passing moment.

"I just mean that I wouldn't fault you for…" Ben stumbled over his own tongue. "Wanting someone… something else, and…"

Rey silenced him with a kiss. It was chaste and gentle, but no less as lovely as their others. It was all too short when she pulled away to rest her head against his chest.

"I hope that one day I can help you to see your own value, Ben Solo." She mumbled against his shirt.

Ben swallowed nervously before allowing his arms to wrap around her.

"I think I'm starting to," he answered quietly. Rey's grip tightened and for a moment, they stood in silence; savoring a moment of peace.

"Still worried about my grandfather?" She asked.

"No," he answered confidently.

"What's changed since a few days ago?" She half joked.

"You were right." His chin dropped to rest at the top of her head. "The bond feels stronger than ever. There isn't a scenario where I see us losing."

"Don't get overconfident," she warned. Ben smiled before placing a kiss at the top of her head. It was a feeling that he wasn't sure he could ever adjust to; being allowed, welcomed even, to show such affections freely. Rey nuzzled lightly into the base of his neck and he couldn't help but smile. Strangely grateful that the scavenger hadn't buried all her feral traits.

"I won't," he promised. "But we have an army of Jedi this time and a full fleet at the ready. I almost feel pity for Palpatine."

Rey was silent for some time. When he felt a rush of unease radiating from her mind, he pulled away to meet her gaze. She waited another moment before speaking.

"Ben, what did you see when we first touched?" Rey asked. "That time in the hut, what did you see?"

She was watching him carefully.

"I don't know Rey," he shook his head in discomfort. "I saw many things."

"Please," she whispered while her hands moved to grip his wrists. "Tell me."

Ben sighed, recalling a range of visions. Some had been of darkness, of great powers to overcome the pain he once carried, while others were too beautiful to speak aloud. But then, she spoke for them.

"I saw a family," Rey answered quietly. "Did you see them too?"

Ben flinched as his own memory replayed the image he had long since buried. There was a boy with dark hair, holding the hands of an even younger boy and girl; twins that strolled along a safe path. At the end awaited their mother, standing with a hand grazing her swollen belly ready to birth yet another miracle. The woman smiled with open arms as the three younglings rushed into her arms.

It was the same vision that had driven his desperation to turn her. After all, how else was he to ensure that the beautiful miracle could come to be? At least, that was how it seemed at the time.

Then, something strange happened. A new vision forced its way into his mind. It wasn't until a man opened the door behind them that Ben realized their thoughts were still intertwined. His heart leapt at the sight as he watched himself kneeling to hold his family.

Tears rushed to the surface at the beauty of the image. At the possibility.

"I saw them," he nodded. Ben closed his eyes to combat the rush of emotion warming his face. He had buried the vision long ago, knowing that it could never come to be. Yet now, the very same woman from the vision was there, filling his heart with hope.

"Do you think that's our future?" She dared to ask. Ben swallowed nervously.

"Is that the future you want?" He tried to sound neutral, but the hopeful tone betrayed him. Rey was quiet for some time, before she blessed him with a nod.

"I'd never be alone," she whispered.

"You'll never be alone, even without them." Ben pushed her away gently to meet her gaze. Pouring every ounce of sincerity into his promise. _Even without me._

" _Don't_ ," she bit back a swell of venom. "Don't even think that."

"That's not what I meant," he smiled. Taking her face into his tender grasp. "I just meant that you already have a much larger family than you realize."

"Tell me that you believe we can both make it through this," she ordered gently. "I need to hear you say it."

"I _know_ we will make it through this," he promised.

She leaned forward and he met her halfway. Ignoring the distant beckon from his uncle, he savored their moment a bit longer. Ben broke from her when she failed to contain her smile.

"I could have a family," she whispered in disbelief.

"Sweetheart, Exegol first," he reminded with a chuckle. "We have a war to end."

"And a droid to retrieve," she reminded vehemently.

When Luke beckoned once again, he took her hand as they began walking towards the ships. Smiling as the girl beside him blurted plans for a future; their future.

Ben looked ahead as they neared the gathering, spotting Rey's friend Finn saluting his mother. Beside them, he was surprised to see the pilot, Poe. His body flinched on instinct as the trio turned their attention towards the pair, smiling once their eyes met. Ben couldn't help but sigh in relief, knowing that this peace would have never existed in another world.

Rey's hand tightened at the sight of her friends and he didn't even have to look to know how widely she smiled. The girl raced to her friends, while Ben walked cautiously to his father.

Han smiled lightly, but his uncharacteristic shyness remained. For a moment, Ben regretted sharing everything with his parents. He knew they meant no offence with their cautious glances, but a terrible guilt had plagued them since hearing their son's secrets.

"So, Exegol." He mumbled.

"Is there a question there?" Ben asked. Han merely grumbled in response.

"I didn't expect things to escalate so quickly," the man mused.

"It's been building for some time now, you knew that." Ben shrugged.

"Mmhmm," Han groaned before falling silent. Together they watched Rey fall to her knees as she excitedly greeted the orange and white BB unit at Poe's feet. Several moments passed before he spoke again. "Kid, did all that really happen? Did I…?"

His hand moved to cover his chest where a red saber once pierced him. Ben ducked his head in shame.

"Yes."

"Huh," he nodded simply, as if the fact was a common matter to accept. "I'm sorry kid."

" _You're_ sorry?" Ben gazed at the man in surprise. "It wasn't your hand on the other end of the blade."

"I never should have let you go," Han spoke quietly. "I never liked the idea of sending you off. In the end, we just thought it was what's best for you."

"I know, dad. I know that now," Ben sighed. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry for… you know."

"Hey, in a way I should be proud," Han smirked. "A lot of people have tried and failed to get me."

"Dad," Ben scoffed through a weak smile. "Only you would say something like that."

The man shrugged.

"Looks like it all worked out, kid. That's what matters," he smiled while glancing between his wife and the young Jedi girl beside her. "I like that girl, make sure you keep her."

Ben smiled as his face flared red.

"I will as long as she wants me," he answered.

"Good, because I want grandchildren before I die," Han patted his son's shoulder; leaving before even allowing the stunned boy to recover from his embarrassment.

Ben released a breath, hoping to cool his burning face. He only hoped the red had faded as Rey returned to his side.

"You ready for this?" She asked.

Ben smiled as once again her hand found its way into his own.

"With you, sweetheart, always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends, thank you again for reading and I hope you all have enjoyed the story. Subscribe/follow me if you'd like to see more of my writing. I am also Neeklos on Tumblr, I try to keep story updates and previews there as well. God bless you all!
> 
> PS: I am going to try to write at least one more Reylo short story, which would be my version of how the story would have gone had Ben survived the end of TROS. That, and I do hope to tackle some of the missing moments that many of you have suggested.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet that you were all thinking… you were never getting that epilogue. At long last, I got the inspiration to get this finished. Please enjoy what was originally supposed to be 2000 words that just kept growing!
> 
> I have also reuploaded chapters 1-4, mostly just reproofing and making it flow much nicer. I've added 3000 words, the most significant change would be Chapter 4 where I've flushed out the Snoke ending a bit more and added a cute little scene when Ben first brings Rey to his home. Please enjoy everyone!

The setting sun did very little to warm the pathways deep within the caverns of Illum. A huff of breath was all that could be heard as darkness began to settle over the snowy planet, but a young boy refused to give up as he jogged those cold paths. Desperate to complete his search, the boy's heart had long since begun to race as time began to taunt him. He looked back over his shoulder, terrified that the entrance would be frozen by the time he returned. He only prayed that he wouldn't leave empty handed. Or, he supposed, being locked in an ice cave overnight also wouldn't be very pleasant.

The boy tracked left, then right. Wasting precious moments sprinting into dead ends until his lungs had reached their limit. Young Zade fell to his knees in despair, groaning in aggravation as tears pricked at the edge of his eyes.

"I can't do it," he pouted to no one. Glaring at the endless number of crystals where only one was meant for him. "This is pointless, how am I ever going to find a stupid crystal in this place?"

Zade grabbed a handful of snow to throw against the wall in a failed attempt to squash his aggravation. His master had been far too cryptic when describing what was to be expected. _You'll know when you see it,_ his master had stated simply. Well, there he was, stuck deep in a freezing cavern surrounded by kyber and Zade was no closer to finding his own crystal there then if he'd been off planet. Finally, accepting his failure, he turned towards the exit. Resigning to not spending the night stuck in a frozen cavern.

_What would dad think of him when he returned home empty handed?_ He thought with pain. This had been his chance to prove to his father that he could, _wanted_ to be a Jedi. Even though the words had never been spoken aloud, Zade knew that dad was desperate for him to choose another path, _anything_ other than the ways of the Jedi. He had hoped that when the force helped him to find his crystal, when he returned home with his very own lightsaber forged and ready for battle, maybe things would be different. Maybe then, his father would see that this path was what he truly wanted and not just some childish dream. Maybe then, Zade would be allowed to join Grand Master Skywalker at his thriving academy. Maybe then, his father would be proud.

Zade stopped when a cold breeze slapped his cheek. He stiffened, glancing around the dark cave to see if someone had snuck inside to toy with him. He supposed it was the type of prank that his master would pull, but quickly dismissed the thought. This cave was far too sacred for such games. Zade forced himself to release a deep breath and opened his heart to call the force to him as his master had taught.

"Be with me," he whispered. Over and over.

A minute passed and then another. He nearly led to despair once more when finally, he felt a pull. When he opened his eyes there was a bright glow only a few feet away. Zade gasped, then scanned the area yet again for any signs of some sort of trick. When he ruled himself alone, he reached for the crystal. The moment the kyber fell into his palm an immense peace overcame his heart.

"I-I found it?" he gasped in disbelief. Seconds later, his arms were in the air with an excited victory. "Yes! I found it! I…"

The sound of crackling ice put a pin in his moment. Zade snapped his attention down the path that lead to the exit and the lack of light sent his heart racing into a panic.

_The gateway._

"Time to go," he grunted before breaking into a sprint. He clutched the crystal in his hand as he leaped over a patch of ice, ignoring the sting of cold air filling his tired lungs.

Zade could see the entrance now, where a sheet of ice was forming the moment the sunlight vanished. His heart dropped upon noticing that the icy wall nearly reached the bottom where it would seal him inside the cavern all night; only to be released when the sun rose again in the morning. When the last few inches began to crystalize, Zade shouted. Digging his heals into the snowy path, he leapt with a roar into the cold wall.

He expected to bounce back, to feel embarrassed to even think he could try and leave the sealed entrance. To his amazement, he crashed right through and all around him was the sound of shattered crystals.

"Ow!" he screeched as he fell into the open. Scrambling to his knees Zade looked at the hole he had made and then spun around to face his master. "I thought the cave would be sealed all night?"

Rey stood only a few feet away, standing in the final strands of light.

"True, it won't melt until morning," the woman merely shrugged, "but ice is ice. It can be broken."

Zade narrowed his eyes.

"Mom! I was scared half to death!"'

Rey smiled, trying and failing to mask her amusement.

"I'm sorry, Zayden, your father told me that it had to be this way," she smirked before taking a step closer. Glancing down at her son's hand. "Did you find it?"

Zade flinched, remembering the item in his hand. He unraveled his fingers to gaze upon his crystal with a smile and then a gentle set of hands held his face as Rey kissed his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you," she smiled.

"Mom…" he groaned as she kissed him again. Feigning disgust when she tugged him into her arms. "Don't you think I'm getting too old for this?"

She only held him tighter.

"No."

"But dad rarely hugs grandma," he tried again to plead his case.

"He still hugs me."

"That's different and you know it," Zade rolled his eyes and his mother finally pulled away.

"You're never too old to be loved by a mother," she reminded a bit firmly and her sad smile melted his heart. Zade quickly chastised himself, knowing that the grandparent's he would never get to meet still managed to strike a wound in his mother's heart. He stepped into her arms this time, accepting her hug with far more vigor than even she had given.

"Thank you for coming with me," he spoke into her shoulder.

"You're welcome," she smirked while pulling away; collecting her staff and reaching for their bags before Zayden offered his help. "Although, there was no way in Chaos that your father would have allowed you to come alone."

"I'm surprised he let either of us come," he half-rolled his eyes. "I thought his head was going to explode when you stepped onto the ramp."

"I love your dad very much," she stated, halting just a moment to stare at the young aspiring jedi. " _But_ he does not get to tell me that I can't go with my son to fetch his very first kyber crystal."

"True but mom, Keera?" he reminded. "You did just have a baby."

"She will be just fine without me for a day. However, we should get going. Your father might just tear apart the galaxy if we're late and besides, I nearly froze standing out here waiting for you."

" _You_ nearly froze?" Zade scoffed. Holding out his sleeves to show the crystals that had formed on his jacket.

"Yes," his mother confirmed; playfully unfazed by his own discomfort. "Come on, warm up the engines and I might let you drive."

"Really?!" Zade perked up in excitement.

"As you said, I _did_ just have a baby. This mama needs a nap."

"Deal!" he shouted before racing towards the ship. Rey waddled slowly behind him, silently regretting the long trip to Illum. Her body ached, but even that was not as torturous as the agony in her chest. All day her thoughts drifted to the rest of her family back at home, especially of their newest addition who wasn't even a month old.

On instinct, Rey thought of Ben and the bond they shared before testing its strength. They were miles away, practically a galaxy apart. But, the moment that she began to reach, all her misplaced sorrows were put to rest when her husband's love purred through the bond. He didn't appear, not physically at least, but she could feel his heart beating with hers. Rey smiled as she stepped onto the ramp of her ship, sending one line of grace to her husband.

_We're coming home._

* * *

Thousands of miles away, warmed by a blazing sun above the green planet of Chandrila, Ben Solo closed his eyes to hear his wife's message. The very presence of Rey's mind brushing along his own, soothed the constant worry that had plagued him the moment she'd left that same morning.

_I await impatiently, my love._ He whispered through the bond.

Ben smirked when he was certain that he could feel her eyes rolling. Even years of marriage had not warmed her to his poetry, yet he tested the limits with every chance he got. Showering his wife with sweet nothings that more often than not had her blushed and cackling instead of cooing. But no matter how much she tried to deny it their bond failed to shield him from the truth. She loved his lovesick ramblings of adoration, as strongly as he loved her. And Ben decided long ago that he was obliged to give her anything that she wanted.

"Yahoo!"

An excited yelp snapped him from the peace and quiet and Ben barely lifted his arms in time to block the splash of his son pouncing into the water beside him. He couldn't help but smirk as he watched the spot where the boy had disappeared. Smiling when he surfaced a moment later.

"Did you see that daddy?! I jumped a _ga-gillion_ miles high!" Maro threw his tiny arms to the air to emphasize his _victory_.

Ben merely chuckled.

"I saw. Don't swim too far," he reminded sternly when the boy began paddling away.

"I won't papa!"

Ben turned back towards the dock when a second splash never came, and there standing anxiously at the end of the dock was the boy's terrified twin sister.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Is it cold, papa?" the little girl asked. Ben could not help but smile at his daughter's immense similarities to her mother.

"A little, but you get used to it," he answered honestly. She played with her fingers while glancing anxiously at the deep waters below. Ben sighed before taking a few slow steps through the water until he reached the edge of the dock. Lifting his arms towards the girl in offering. "Come here, I'll help…"

"No!" the girl recoiled in terror.

"Lina," Ben groaned, his patience thinning. _Another failed attempt,_ he thought.

"Daddy I don't wanna!"

"You said you wanted to only a few minutes ago," he reminded.

"I changed my mind!" She shook her head fiercely, moving to grasp the edge of a post as if her life depended on it.

"I'll help you, sweetheart," he tried once again to pry her from the post but stopped instantly when his daughter began to sob. It was always the cries that broke him. Ben's irritation cooled in an instant, with his heart falling deeper into the pit in his stomach with every sob. "What are you afraid of, little one?"

"It's scary!" she pouted, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

"I know, but have I ever let you get hurt before?"

Lina sniffled, wiping her eyes with the backs of her tiny hands before shaking her head a moment later.

"I won't make you do it," he said while reaching to run a gentle stroke of his finger through her thick brown hair. "But, if you still want to try, I promise that I won't let you fall."

She wiped at her face again before glancing over his shoulder at her twin brother who was shouting excitedly as he paddled through the lake. Ben could see the longing there in her eyes, hidden beneath the terror.

"You promise you won't let go?" she sniffled again, taking a step towards her father.

"I promise," he smiled. Ben pressed himself flush against the edge of the dock, holding his arms in one final offer. This time, Lina stepped into him and clung tightly to his shoulders when he pulled away from the dock.

"Daddy!" she cried as he sunk into deeper waters. Ben tightened his hold to comfort her.

"It's okay. I'm going to lower you…"

Lina crawled further up his shoulder the moment he began to step into deeper waters, gasping and panting the entire time. His heart longed to return to the dock, to refuse to allow his first daughter to ever feel fear. His logic, however, forced him to encourage her onwards.

"I'm scared," she sobbed. Ben twisted his neck to place a kiss at her head, running his large fingers through her hair.

"But I made you a promise, you have no reason to be frightened. Hold on to my neck," he commanded. Lina did as she was told and practically choked him with her small yet mighty hold. Ben took another step, tightening his arms when the water came up to both of their shoulders, cursing himself with every tortured gasp that escaped her lips, and then his satisfaction of reaching the sand bar.

Ben began lowering his daughter.

"Daddy!" she shrieked the moment her feet entered the water.

"It's okay, you can touch here, see?"

Lina practically hyperventilated for a few moments before realizing that her own feet were buried in the sand. She glanced down into the waist deep water, smiling only another minute later.

"Did I do it, papa? Did I swim?" she asked excitedly.

"Not quite, kiddo. Here," he explained as he kneeled into the cold sand beneath the shallow section of the lake, holding his hands just beneath the surface as a guard. "Lay on my hands."

Lina stared for a moment before resigning her lovely little heart to trusting her father. She clumsily leaned into his hands, gripping them tightly as he held her near the surface.

"That's right, now try paddling."

"Like this, Lina!" Maro shouted from beside them, exaggerating his strokes to demonstrate to his sister. Ben smiled as the girl made her first attempt, moving too quickly at first before finally relaxing when she realized that she was in no danger.

"That's it, sweetheart," Ben encouraged when she tried again.

Lina slapped and grasped at the water as he moved with her. He would have been more than happy to end there, but when he tried suggesting that maybe they should take a break it was Lina who protested. A few moments later, she was pushing his hands away.

"Let me try, papa!" she insisted.

"You sure?" he smiled. Skeptical of her sudden bravery but Lina only pushed harder.

"Yes daddy! Want to try," she mumbled as she began paddling on her own. Ben stayed close, waiting nervously for her to dip below the water. Yet, the moment never came. "Daddy I'm swimming!"

Ben smiled.

"I see, you're doing great, sweetheart."

His daughter beamed at being complimented, before becoming distracted by her brother once more. Together the twins began playing in the shallow water. Ben watched, uncertain if his pride for his daughter's achievement outweighed the pain of seeing her grow so quickly.

He thought of Zade, his first born. How it seemed like only yesterday he had been in these same waters, no bigger than either of his twin siblings as he too learned to swim for the first time. Now, that same boy was off world, determined to race into his life as a Jedi and leave his family behind. Ben's heart lurched at the very thought. _What if all of them go on to become Jedi?_ He thought. _What if all of them leave me?_

"Eww!" Lina's disgusted shriek tore him once again from his own thoughts and he looked just in time to see his son attempting to put a fish in his mouth.

"Maro, out! Spit it out!" Ben growled as he hurried over to his son, sighing his aggravation away when his twins giggled. _Kids,_ he thought in exasperation _._ "Alright you little gungans, let's get going."

"Aww," both twins groaned in unison.

"Come on, you're both starting to prune," Ben insisted before taking both kids and hoisting them up to sit on his shoulder.

"Will mama be home?" Maro asked.

"Not until tonight," he answered. Receiving another set of disappointed pouts.

"Can we stay up late?"

"Perhaps, if you behave and eat all your supper," he stated before placing them both on solid ground.

Ben collected their towels before following the little terrors he helped create as they raced up the hill to their cozy home. His knees argued with every step, making it even more difficult to deny the unfortunate fact that he was getting old. Only a week ago Rey had spotted his very first grey hair and if his own father was any indication of his fate, there would be plenty more to come.

As if the old man could sense the direction of his thoughts, Han stepped onto the front porch to greet them.

"There's my favorite set of twins!" he smirked as the kids sprinted to him. The velocity of their collision nearly sent the old man to the ground. "Oof! You two are going to be the death of me, I just know it."

"Sorry grandpa!" The twins apologized but their giggles betrayed them.

"Sure you are," he grumbled as the two hurried inside where the scent of freshly baked rolls lured them to the kitchen. Han couldn't hide his smile as he smirked to his son. "How many of these little terrors do you two plan on having?"

Ben tossed the load in his arms aside, surprised to find that he no longer blushed at his father's teasing. Ben stood straight as he looked through the window to his home. Inside, the twins surrounded their grandmother who was gleefully holding her youngest granddaughter.

"Rey doesn't want to feel alone ever again," he finally stated.

"You don't need an army of children for that, kid," Han chuckled.

Ben only smirked.

"I will give her whatever she wants."

"There's a word for that, you know." Han rose his brow. Ben scoffed without missing a beat.

"If you think I'm whipped, just know that I learned from watching you."

By the time he disappeared into the house, his father was mumbling some choice words behind his back and Ben couldn't help but smile. However, his lips quickly curved down as he began to follow the wails of a baby throughout the halls. When he finally found his mother, she was desperately bouncing his newborn in her arms whilst trying to hush the infant.

"I tried giving her another bottle, but she refuses to drink," Leia said worriedly.

Ben slowly made his way across the room, grumbling the entire way.

"She wants Rey," Ben sighed before taking his daughter into his own arms. To his amazement, Keera's cries began to soften at the sight of her father before disappearing entirely another moment later.

"Or she just wants you," Leia replied; placing the bottle in his palm. Leia ruffled his hair before leaving him to feed his child. Ben sat in the chair that Rey normally nursed in, sighing in relief when the little girl began to suckle.

"Your mother will be home soon," he promised. Glancing out of the window into the sky. "Very soon."

* * *

Hours later, long after the sun disappeared beneath the horizon, Ben stepped out into the lawn the moment he could sense Rey entering the atmosphere. The ship's lights were easy to spot in the contrast of the dark sky and he came to a halt when reaching the edge of their landing pad. Ben wasn't even concerned by the fierce burst of wind that would have sent a smaller being flying, and instead stood patiently as the ship neared its destination. The ground vibrated from a sloppy landing, followed by a loud hiss when the ship finished docking. A final creak sounded as the ramp began to lower and seconds later his son emerged wide-eyed with one of the largest smiles Ben had ever seen.

"I take it you found it then?" Ben smirked.

Zade nodded before digging into his pocket and raising his hand to show the sacred crystal. Ben forced a smile at the familiar sight while internally dreading the next steps. There was no denying it now that Zayden's interest was growing past infatuation. It took every ounce of willpower to sift the venom from his voice as he spoke.

"Well done, kid."

Zade frowned for a moment, before wearing what Ben could only conceive as a fake smile.

"I'm one step closer dad," he spoke; his voice filled with hope. "Then I can be a Jedi, just like you and mom!"

Against his better judgement, Ben scoffed.

"I am not a Jedi. I left that life behind a long time ago."

"After you and mom defeated the emperor, yeah I know," Zayden sighed. "You already told me like a hundred times."

_Then why state otherwise?_ Ben would have asked had it been anyone other than his own son making such claims. Zade tucked the crystal back into his pocket before hiding his eyes to the ground. Ben was ready to ask what the matter was before a voice sent his heart in a frenzy.

"Your father only left the academy because I was starting to win every single duel," Rey joked.

Ben's heart lurched, acting as if the single day had lasted a lifetime.

"I left to marry you, my love," he countered playfully. " _One_ of us had to watch the children."

"Is that why you needed me to stay home when the twins were born?" Rey's brow rose with her retort.

"It's not my fault we became outnumbered."

Rey very nearly choked through a stifled laugh. "It is _entirely_ your fault."

Ben blinked patiently.

"Entirely?"

"I'd love to stay and listen to… _this,_ but… actually no, no I don't," Zade rolled his eyes before reaching for the bag his mother was carrying.

The moment Rey was freed of her baggage she turned towards her husband. Ben couldn't count the steps before she was already in his arms with her lips molded against his own. His heart fluttered, aggravated by the distance they had willingly put between them no matter how necessary it might have been. However, how relieved he was to have her home again.

"Oh come on, can't you wait until I'm in the house!" Zade blurted as he rushed to the front door.

Together they smiled against one another while listening to their son's bickering as he hurried into the house. The moment they were freed from distractions, Rey pressed deeper into their kiss while Ben anchored a large hand at the back of her neck; holding her close when she parted for breath.

"Next time, we go together," he stated firmly. Kissing the side of her mouth when she smiled and continuing a gentle trail along her cheek.

"We already talked about this; I didn't want our baby on an ice planet."

Ben traced her skin with his lips as she explained what he already knew. Reveling at her sharp inhale as he placed light kisses at her neck.

"She would have never left my arms," he argued into the crook of her neck.

"Ben," she groaned through a stifled chuckle. "This is how we ended up outnumbered."

He had begun to laugh when she tilted his chin towards her for a proper kiss. Ben was more than happy to accept, but practically forced his displeasure through their bond.

_We're never parting again._

Rey pulled away with a smirk.

"Stop being dramatic. You should be proud of Zayden, he found his crystal."

Ben groaned before forcing himself to ask.

"How did it go?"

"He looked like he wanted to strangle me when I told him about the door," she sighed, bringing her arms to encircle his neck as his forehead came to rest upon hers.

"It's necessary," he promised. "Without overcoming fear, they can't find their crystals. He'd still be there without a sense of urgency."

"I don't want him to be afraid," she whispered softly. "I don't want any of our children to ever be afraid."

He kissed her again.

"No one can avoid it forever," he mumbled against her lips. Rey parted with a smile before flashing a stern stare.

"You could have at least pretended to be excited for him," she chastised.

"I am excited," he lied. Rey merely narrowed her brow when his tone betrayed his words.

"Ben, he can tell you don't want him to do this," she spoke seriously. "He thinks your disappointed in him."

Ben twitched.

" _That_ is not true," he grimaced. Rey silenced him with a gentle finger tracing his lips.

"I know that, but does he?" she challenged.

Ben opened his mouth to argue. _Of course!_ Ben started to form the words before beginning to ponder. _Didn't he?_ He let his head fall forward until he was resting at her shoulder. A moment later he could feel her hands running through his hair.

"I'll talk to him," he finally sighed, and Rey rewarded him with a kiss to his temple.

"Good, now, I want to see my baby."

"I just got her to sleep," he groaned but not without a smile, knowing that she wouldn't dare be stopped by such a minor detail. As expected, she merely glared before preparing to stride into the house as quickly as her body, still wounded from birth, would allow. Gripping his hand to drag him behind her. Ben chuckled at her urgency and the moment they stepped foot inside the house, they were greeted by loud screeches.

"Mama!" Both Lina and Maro raced into her arms.

"My babies!" Rey sighed through her joy as she bent down to collect the two younglings. Ben held a cautious hand at her back as she lifted them into her arms, biting his tongue to refrain from reminding her that she _should_ be taking it easy. He remembered nearly tearing his hair out during their first pregnancy, when his strong-willed wife failed to accept the tole that growing a baby would take on her body. After three pregnancies, it was a wonder how he had any hair left.

"Mama, I _swimmed_ today!" their daughter exclaimed.

"You did?!" Rey smiled, kissing both her cheeks before moving to her brother. Both giggled in delight as their mother showered them in kisses and beautiful words, until Han stepped into the room with their youngest screaming her little lungs out.

"I told you kids to keep it down," he stated grumpily. "You went and woke the baby."

"Sorry grandpa," they stated in unison as they were placed back on their own feet.

"It's alright Han, I'll take her," Rey smiled. The relief she felt once little Keera was back in her arms at last was strong enough for Ben to experience through the bond. The crying ceased almost immediately as Keera warmed to her mother's arms. Rey hushed the remaining sobs with tender kisses and whispered coos.

"You've got the touch, kid, I'll give you that," Han said. Ben wanted to smirk at his father's expression, knowing that the man felt almost betrayal that he had been unable to sooth his granddaughter.

"Alright, time for bed," Ben told the twins only to be met with scowls. "None of that, we had a deal. You could stay up until your mother got home."

"But daddy…"

"No," he stated, pointing a firm finger in the direction of their bedroom. "Bed. Now."

The twins grumbled, but begrudgingly obeyed their father. He followed behind them, ensuring that both found their way into their beds before leaving them with a final kiss. Ben turned out the light and stepped back into the hall. As he reached the kitchen he could hear his mother speaking to his son.

"It was so cold grandma, but it was like the force told me where to find it!"

He heard his son exclaim.

"Everything is as the force wills it," Leia assured proudly. "You did well, Zayden. Luke would be proud."

"Really?"

Ben's heart fell. That voice, the _desperation_ for reassurance pierced Ben like a charged blaster. _Rey had been right_ , he thought. After years of promising to be careful and to avoid putting the same pressures that had been placed upon him as a young boy, Ben realized he had failed his son.

"I know I'm older than the others, but do you think Master Luke would still let me enter the academy next year?"

Ben flinched. And just like that, his guilt evaporated in the heat of his fury.

"What are you talking about?" He stepped into the room and Zayden's skin turned pale.

"Dad! I-I was just, I didn't mean…" Zade stuttered through several failed sentences. Ben crossed his arms, waiting for him to produce something coherent. "I just thought that maybe, now that I have my crystal it might be a good time to…"

"No."

"B-but dad…"

"I said no," Ben growled again.

"Ben, he is getting older. You should consider…" Leia tried.

" _My_ son is _not_ going to live at the academy, he is staying with his family." His mother flinched at the underlying accusation but recovered quickly to glare at her son.

"Ben, you cannot punish your children for our faults," she stated in a low voice. Ben refused to budge.

"This is not punishment. When Zayden's of age, he is free to make his own choices," he tightened his expression.

"But I'll be too old then! Dad, I'm already behind the other students…"

"I already told you _no_ ," he growled. Feeling his impatience growing.

"I know that you think you know what's best for your son, but so did we," Leia scolded; only fanning his temper further. "Imagine if I had spoken to you _before_ sending you away."

"I'm not arguing with you mother," Ben stated firmly, ending the discussion. "He is not going."

"You're being unreasonable."

Ben couldn't remember exactly when his voice had risen above a normal volume. But he could feel his control waning as he turned to shout.

"Whether I'm being unreasonable or not is none of your concern! He is my son and my word is final!"

Zade flinched at the risen tone. Leia merely looked on; eyes filled with disappointment. For a fraction of a second Ben felt sorry for his tone before recalling what was on the line. _I don't care,_ Ben thought finally, _no one is taking my son away from me._

"Ben," Rey's voice crept softly from behind. As his son and mother received the full fury of his glare, a small bundle of warmth was pressed into his chest. "Hold your daughter."

His wife's plea slowly cooled the fire in his heart. It wasn't until Keera cooed when he finally turned his attention to his youngest.

"Remember your promise," Rey whispered while coaxing his hands to unclench. When he relented at last, she forced their baby into his arms. Ben released a breath as his fury waned, taking her fully into his arms to surround her with his warmth.

_I promise that I'll never hurt you._

The words he had spoken to each of his children rang in the back of his mind. Seeing the buildup of tears in his son's eyes was proof enough that he had failed. And then, shame began to consume him.

"Tell your son that you love him," Rey ordered, somehow both gentle and firm at the same time. "And Zade tell your father the same."

"I can't mom," their son surprised them both with venom in his voice. Before Zayden disappeared from the room, he landed a blow that Ben wasn't sure he'd ever recover from. "You taught me to never lie."

* * *

Rey closed the door softly after lying the twins to rest in their beds after having both woken up at hearing Ben's shouts. She quickly fetched a spare blanket for their guests even after Leia insisted that she knew where everything was. Rey thought about entering Zayden's room once more but resolved to knowing that it wasn't her presencethat he needed. With a sigh, Rey made her way to their bedroom. Trying to not break down when hearing the muffled sniffles that snuck through the walls of her firstborn's room.

_He's still crying_ , she thought with pain. If there had not been an equal sense of dread emanating from her own room, Rey knew she would be throttling Ben until he moved his stubborn rear to speak calmly with his son. However, before she even opened the door to their room, Ben's broken heart bled through the bond. Rey stepped inside to find her husband seated at the edge of their bed. In his arms Keera slept; unaware of just how desperately her father was clinging to her.

_Please love me._ She could hear Ben thinking. _Love me before I fail you too._

Rey wanted to sigh. All thoughts of wondering if Ben's damaged past had ceased to be a problem any longer vanished in that very instant.

"We've talked about Zayden wanting to become a Jedi," Rey started while leaning against the door frame.

Ben remained silent and focused on his daughter. Holding her as if she were an anchor and he would drift off into oblivion if she were to leave his arms. When he didn't respond Rey continued.

"We both knew that he would want to enter the academy someday," she reminded. "We agreed that we should support whatever path he chose."

"We also agreed that we would never send any of our children away," he snapped quietly. " _Ever._ "

"We wouldn't be sending him away," she pointed patiently. Walking slowly to take a seat beside him. Rey sighed deeply before resting her head against his shoulder. "I know why you're afraid, but this is nothing like what you went through."

Bitterness filled he and it took a moment for Rey to realize that it wasn't her own emotions she had been feeling.

"You're right, it's not," he replied. Stroking a gentle thumb along Keera's cheek. "He _wants_ to leave us."

"Your parents have made it clear how sorry they are for sending you away."

"That has nothing to do…"

"You are letting your own fears push him away," she interrupted sternly. Rey then hesitated, knowing she was about to dread dangerous ground. "Continue this path and you are no different from them."

She suffered the sorrow that accompanied his intake of breath and then the glare that followed. Rey however, stood her ground.

"You need to talk to him. _Calmly_ this time."

"He's not going, Rey. Not until he's older," Ben stated. His dark eyes filled with desperation as he pleaded for her to side with him.

"I don't want to lose him either," she stated just as firmly. "But holding him too tightly will only push him further away. He _wants_ this."

"He can go when he's of age," he mumbled again.

_Stubborn man,_ Rey thought with a sigh. _Just like his son._

"You hurt him tonight," she reminded. "Did you forget about that promise?"

She hated using his own words against him, especially when his heart was pierced with the pain that followed. However, she took a deep breath and prepared to bear it with him. Afterall, they had made their own promises to each other long ago. Promises to pummel one another senselessly if either began to trickle to the dark. Rey brought her arms around him, taking care not to disturb the sleeping infant in his arms.

"I didn't mean to," he finally whispered.

"I know you didn't," she mumbled into his shoulder. "He didn't mean to hurt you either. He loves you."

Ben's scoff broke her heart.

"I think he made it clear that he feels otherwise."

"He was angry, same as you. Go talk to him and you'll see."

"It's late," Ben shook his head with a sigh. "I'll go to him in the morning."

Rey groaned. Debating the outcome of taking her husband by the arm and dragging him into their son's room. Instead, she sat up and reached to take Keera into her arms.

"You're not just prolonging your own suffering by waiting until morning," she reminded as she rose from the bed. Moving to take a seat only a few feet away where she had nursed every one of her children just before bed. She watched Ben twist his neck to stare at the door, his eyes widening with thought as he pondered over her words. However, to Rey's dismay he merely laid back into the bed, his head slumping against the pillow with a sigh.

"In the morning."

* * *

_Ben watched the rise and fall of Rey's chest as she finally managed to sleep. How many hours had the labor lasted? Ben had lost count in the chaos that ensued overnight. It felt like days ago when he had been startled awake by the firm pinch of Rey's petrified grasp. Then, it was a miracle that Ben managed to form even the simplest of words when he contacted his mother to inform her that the time had come. It all seemed like a long and terrifying nightmare when he stood helplessly beside his exhausted wife as she was coaxed to keep pushing. Every pang from each contraction, every sharp pain in her back, and every ounce of exhaustion and torture soured through the bond to show Ben only a fraction of what his wife was enduring. He had never felt so lost when he could do nothing but endure helplessly beside her. And then, in a fraction of a second, it had all been worth it._

_The wail of their newborn silenced the room. Rey's screams, Leia's encouragements, and Ben's worried mutters all vanished as they watched the little one squirm in his grandmother's hands._

_Rey's baby. Ben's son._

_It was all a dream. Ben was certain of it. What else could possibly explain the sight of their creation now resting in his own arms? Him, a father? It had been baffling enough that Rey had been so eager to marry him and yet, there he was in the small bedroom of their cozy home. A few feet away his wife was sleeping off the exhaustion of childbirth while Ben watched over their new family._

_His heart, filled with a level of fullness he had never experienced, forced him to his feet before the emotions had him sobbing in a pathetic display on the ground. Ben clutched his child as he stepped outside of the house, breathing in the fresh air as he took a seat on the old sofa that sat on their porch. He carefully turned the little one so that he was lying in the crook of his lap, allowing Ben to look properly at his son._

_Zayden. A name chosen for no other reason than because they desired it. Not a grand name of some former warrior, nor a hero's heir that would be filled with expectation. Just little Zayden Solo, son of two parents who had already loved him since the moment he'd begun to stir in the womb._

_Sometime during his daydreaming, a tiny hand captured his finger. To his amazement, and absolute terror, the baby's eyes were open and fixated upon him._

_Ben knew he probably looked crazy sitting there, staring in fright at the fragile human in his lap. 'What does one say to a baby?' he wondered as Zayden squirmed, testing new movements with his limbs._

" _Hey," he said simply. Internally scolding himself for sounding so stupid. How could he do this? Be a good father when he couldn't even form a proper sentence around his son?_

_And then, as if the force itself existed only to fuel his insecurities, the baby's nose scrunched up while his mouth fell open. A terrible wail sounding off only a second later._

" _N-no no no, it's okay! Your mother's trying to sleep, shh," he tried to hush while his heart began to beat uncontrollably. Ben brought little Zade up to rest at his shoulder, mimicking the way that Leia had placed him on Rey's chest for the first time. He tried patting the infant's back, cooing sweet nothings into his tiny ear until finally the cries began to lessen. Ben kissed him as the last bits of cries faded entirely; carefully as to not allow the harshness of his scruff to scrape against the sensitive skin._

_My son, he thought with emotion, my beautiful innocent son. Free from pain and suffering. Free from the dark._

_Ben choked on a wave of conflict. A great terror mixing with the overwhelming love he felt for his newborn. How long would his freedom from evil last? Did his own father have the same fears that were coursing through his mind now?_

_No, Ben quickly decided, these thoughts would not tarnish the beauty of his family._

" _I promise," he whispered into the tip of Zayden's head, "I'll never let anything hurt you. You'll never be tempted by the dark because you'll always know that your family wants you. I'll make you feel loved, so loved."_

_Ben's voice caught on another sob. Whispering it over and over._

" _I promise."_

Ben woke for the third time that night, this time to a distant clatter. His face was wet with tears as the memory tormented his dreams. _You failed,_ Ben reminded himself, _you failed your son._ For two rooms down was that same boy grown into the shell of a young man, sleeping off the memory of his father's scolding while his tender heart ebbed of pain that Ben had put him through.

He would have likely broken into tears if it weren't for the weight atop his chest where Lina was curled in on herself to fit the whole of her body on his broad form. Beside him was Maro resting on his arm. When no one else's sleep was disturbed, Ben half-wondered if he had imagined the sound. Inhaling deeply, he tried to relieve his lungs from the pressure of his daughter's elbow digging into his chest, curling an arm around her to hold her close.

It no longer surprised him to wake with additions in their bed. More often than not using his large body for their own personal mattress. Allowing their children to share their bed had been a topic of strain shortly after Zade was born. Rey, who could never seem to rid the memory of those lonely desert nights, had been appalled by the very idea that their baby would sleep anywhere else besides their loving arms. Ben had been patient at first, thinking the phase would pass. However, when days turned to months when his wife would sneak their infant in between them long after Ben had fallen asleep, aggravation began to wear at him. The one and only night he had snapped at her, angrily arguing that their coddling would somehow damage their firstborn son, Rey had finally relented. Ben remembered arrogantly going to bed feeling victorious that night. A victory that was very short lived.

Visions had plagued him the very moment he fell to sleep. Nightmares of a horrific voice taunting their son, images of Zayden kneeling in a dark corner drowning in his own tears as his parents murmured about the monster they had bred, of him crying in agony as his parents left him behind, and finally of an image of that same child grown into a man. His expression dark, desperate and pleading as Ben stepped onto the narrow bridge that mirrored his own father's walk. The last image that the cruel dream had shown was a blade of red piercing Ben's chest and the pain in Zayden's eyes as he realized what he had done. The moment Ben awoke from the torture, he raced to retrieve his son and they never fought over the issue again.

However, children clambering over him was far from the reason for his restless sleep that night. Zade's final words were its own torture, piercing him time and time again. The memory broke his heart and every time he was reminded of his greatest fear coming true. His son didn't love him. If Zayden couldn't bring himself to love the monster that was his father, how could the rest of his family?

Beside him, Rey shifted in her sleep. Ben forced himself to control his emotions that were no doubt disturbing her blissful dreams. He tried to think of happier times, back when Zade was first born. Long before his inevitable interest grew in his mother's involvement in the Jedi Academy.

It would have been so much simpler had he taken another path, _any_ other path. Luke already gloated about the possibilities that would come from the children of a dyad. Han and Leia both praised Zade's clear raw talent and what his skill could amount to in the future. Ben, it seemed, was the only one to fear a more devastating possibility. What if his son couldn't live up to the pressure? What if the same fears that Ben himself had fallen to once before plagued the boy when no one was looking? What if in opening himself to the force a sinister being was whispering lies into his ear? What if he fell so far to the darkness and its lies that neither he nor Rey could help him find his way back?

Ben forced a deep breath as his emotions began to rise again. And then, another clatter sounded a few rooms down and this time Ben was certain he didn't imagine it. Curling slowly to his side, he carefully laid Lina beside her mother and siblings. Moving with caution Ben crawled over his family in an attempt to leave them undisturbed. Sneaking around the creaky floorboard that he promised to fix months ago and slowly closing the door behind him.

Ben walked through the dark hallways of their home until he found the streak of light pooling from underneath their firstborn's door. He hesitated with a hand on the knob, listening to the sound of tinkering until there was a gasp of pain at the other side; followed by a curse. Ben pushed the door open to find his son holding a bleeding palm.

"Hey kid," Ben greeted. Zade nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Dad! What are you doing up?!" he spoke frantically as he scrambled to hide the mess of scrap beneath a rag. Bits of metal, scrap leather, and just a touch of his new kyber crystal peaked out beneath the coverings. Ben's heart dipped at what he saw but moved to meet the boy's wide gaze.

"What happened to your hand?" Ben asked, focusing on the line of red that grew messier by the second. Zade quickly covered it with a dirty cowl, his expression twisting as if having only just recalling their latest encounter.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he groaned.

Ben's lips tightened into a thin line. Frustrated by the notion that he had no right to be angry with his son for lying about something so trivial. _You did this,_ he reminded himself. Casting aside his stubborn musings, Ben stepped into the room and slowly made his way around the mess.

"Your mother said you did great today," he tried, but Zade merely scoffed.

"I barely made it out in time," he mumbled. "Luke said that mom found it within a few hours. You even less."

Ben blinked.

"You think it's a competition?" His question was met with a glare.

"Spare me the pat on the back, dad. You and I both know that you aren't impressed."

Ben tensed, biting his tongue as every emotion pounded against his chest. Sorrow, disgust, anger. Everything. Failing to decipher how his son had managed to translate something so poorly, but even more so towards himself for missing it. _How many other times had Zayden gone to bed with tears in his eyes while he scooted off to bed without thought?_

Hiding his gaze into a nearby shelf, Ben swallowed to contain a sob. He picked up a nearby frame and took solace in the view it offered. A younger Ben, free of those grey hairs that Rey liked to point out, smiling widely with a little Zayden seated upon his shoulder. Laughing at how high off the ground he was. Ben couldn't help but smile at the memory before his heart with pierced with longing for those simpler times. After a long silence, he finally sighed.

"You think I don't see it, but you're wrong," Ben mused aloud, placing the picture back on the shelf before running a hand along the clutter nearby. "I see your books, Jedi texts. I see the crinkles in the bindings that tell me you read them." He paused to pick up a scrap of paper, filled to the brim with writings of Jedi discoveries. "I see you scribbling away underneath your favorite tree near the lake. And the dedication you put into your training."

He returned the paper before turning to the middle of the room where the boy sat. Moving slowly and cautiously until he was seated just across from his son. Ben reached, knowing that he might be denied, but breathed a sigh of relief when Zade surrendered his arm. He pulled the dirty wrappings from the boy's bleeding palm before placing his own hand above the wound. Opening himself to the force for what felt like the first time in ages he welcomed its power to flow through him and into his son. It only took a matter of seconds for the skin to heal and Ben could tell that even Zayden was impressed. He sat quietly, enjoying a moment of silence before meeting his son's eyes.

"And I see that I hurt you tonight."

Zade winces at the bluntness but makes no move to retreat.

"I'm sorry, Zayden," Ben stated.

There is a hint of elation before Zade's expression turns dark and then he is ripping his arm from Ben's grasp.

"You're always sorry, dad. It never changes anything," he mumbled before hiding his eyes to the floor.

Ben's heart fell again. The question once again fresh in his mind. _How many times had he been hurt?_

"Why do you want to join the Academy?" Ben finally asked.

"I'm way behind the other students," Zade grumbled into his knees. " _Way_ behind. I know it's not her fault, but mom barely has time to work with me anymore. I'm almost fifteen and I can't even build a lightsaber!"

He pushed away the rag that was hiding the mess of materials scattered on the floor and Ben sighed.

"It takes more than a day to assemble a light saber," he explained. Earning a dark glare from his son.

" _You_ did," he accused. "Mom told me. When you were ten years old, you only took an hour in that stupid cave and assembled it on the ride home. Why can't I? What's wrong with me?"

Ben swallowed a lump building in his throat. Knowing that he could never explain the voice that had been inside his head, urging him on in his youth before he had realized the sinister nature behind it. And then of course there was the matter that he had lived the moment twice.

"You're stressed, nothing more," Ben assured.

Zade scoffed in disbelief. His voice was lined with sarcasm as he spoke, "you weren't?"

Ben's mouth opened then clamped shut. _Yes_ , he thought, _he had been._ But for different reasons.

"What if…" Ben paused, calculating the risks of making his offer. However, it didn't take very long to come to the simple conclusion. He wanted Zade to be happy, he wanted his son to be home. There was only one way to allow for both. One way that made Ben sick to his stomach. "What if I taught you?"

Ben could hear his own displeasure in the tone. Returning to the life of a Jedi, opening himself to the force once again. It was something he had vehemently promised he'd never do again after defeating Palpatine with both Rey and Luke at his side. The moment he offered a ring to Rey, he became fully invested into his family and waned nothing to do with the powers that had ruined his life once before. Never wanting to be known as the mighty Ben Solo, son of Han and Leia, nephew of Luke Skywalker, namesake of the great Ben Kenobi. Instead, he eagerly embraced the life he and Rey had made. Just Ben, a flawed but loving husband and father, living a humble life with his family. How, Ben wondered, had his son desired something that he had worked so hard to bury?

Given the expression Zayden wore, Ben could only assume that the boy realized how foolish of an idea it was.

"You don't want to do that," Zade stated plainly; obviously. "I know that you don't."

"I'd do it for you," Ben affirmed. "I _want_ you to be happy."

His son narrowed his gaze, opening his mouth to speak before clamping it shut a second later. Ben watched him rethink his choice of words before finally Zade sighed. Straightening his posture, the boy met his father with renewed confidence.

"I want to be a Jedi. Dad, I _can't_ do that here."

Ben released a deep breath, trying to push out every ounce of frustration that his son's desires continued to fuel. He looked away, avoiding Zade's gaze as he gathered the reins of his emotions. A minute of silence passed where they sat there, one fuming while the other sat anxiously; waiting to hear his father's final plea. All the while, Rey's warning continued to buzz in the back of his mind.

_Continue this path and you are no different than them._

Ben released a groan while pinching the bridge of his nose. When he finally met his son's eyes again, it was with a glare.

"You _will_ holo home _every_ day."

Zade blinked, then flinched. Mouth dropping in both confusion and shock. "What?"

"You will come home every other weekend _minimum_ to spend time with your family. I don't want to hear any bickering when we pick you up. And… pay attention," Ben groaned as his son began shaking with delight. Rising to his feet when he couldn't contain his excitement any longer. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes! I mean, yes," he lowered his voice when he realized he had shouted, still shaking from his father's compliance.

"What did I say?" Ben challenged.

"I-I'll holo daily, come home every other weekend without complaining, wash the dishes, shine Dee-Oh, and fold the laundry…"

"I didn't say… Well since you're offering," Ben smirked. Not a second later he was being tackled. Even with all his strength Ben barely managed to catch himself before the force of Zade's hug could put them both on the floor. When he recovered, he welcomed the relief of a thousand suns being lifted from his shoulders and embraced his son.

"I promise dad, I won't let you down," Zade choked through a sob. "I'll make you proud."

Ben tightened his arms around him while his brow scrunched. Scowling into his shoulder as he whispered.

"I'm already proud of you kid."

* * *

Rey woke to a dark room. A creak in the floor was all it took for Keera to flinch beside her and Rey moved a hand to stroke the baby's hair. When the infant returned to sleep, Rey glared at the shadowy figure staring down at the bed.

_I asked you to fix that board,_ she complained through the bond. Ben merely smirked, calculating his chances of moving the two twins sprawled about in his spot without disturbing their sleep

"Where were you?" she asked softly as he slid an arm underneath to haul them both up and onto his chest as he crawled back into bed. Maro groaned for a minute before adjusting himself to lie at his father's side, while Lina took to nesting atop his chest.

"Talking to Zade," he answered quietly; tightening an arm around both children.

Rey merely groaned.

"A few hours ago was too late to talk, but four in the morning is perfectly acceptable?" she complained tiredly. Hearing his smirk before his lips were at her forehead.

"I told him he could go," he whispered against her skin and Rey's eyes snapped opened as he laid back down.

"What?"

"You were right. I've only been pushing him away," he said simply. "He belongs at the Academy."

Rey blinked. Her eyes just as tired as her mind. She supposed that might be a good thing, less she move to strangle her husband for not coming to that same conclusion a few hours ago. Suppressing a groan, Rey laid her head back down and tightened her arm around their daughter.

"How'd he finally get to you?" she murmured above the baby's forehead. "He cried didn't he?"

"I do not give them what they want just because they cry," Ben muttered.

"Sure you don't," Rey merely smirked at his lie. "Like the time you wanted to throw out Dee-Oh for being too old when his battery fried, but instead you spent every waking minute finding a replacement while Lina begged you to fix him?"

"I merely liked the challenge of fixing that old droid," Ben denied. "Besides, he makes for a good babysitter."

Rey chuckled. Knowing full well that all of their children had him wrapped around their fingers.

"When should we let him go?" Rey asked. Her question lingered in the silence of the room and she could swear she felt him tense, as if he had not yet fully grasped the concept that their son would in fact be leaving.

"How are you so comfortable with this?" he whispered sadly. "My heart breaks every time I think of it."

"I saw this coming years ago, love. I've had more time to mourn," she explained softly while reached to find his hand in the dark. Ben accepted, holding her as a lifeline. "Besides, it will give us a reason to visit the academy more often. I miss Voe, and Finn has been begging for us to come see the new troopers. He's changed so many lives. It's time we let Zayden to the same."

Ben released a deep sigh before there was silence. When a few moments passed she wondered if he had fallen asleep. And then, she felt the gentle graze of his lips tracing her mouth. Rey lifted herself to receive his kiss, taking care not to harm the sleeping baby resting at her breast. Ben parted too quickly, but Rey supposed that he could not be blamed given his awkward posture to avoid disturbing the twins cuddling against him. Instead, Rey smiled. Knowing that it was her fault for insisting that their family share a bed. And then, the door to their room opened once more.

Rey lifted her head in alarm to see who had entered, but relaxed when recognizing Zayden's figure walking to the edge of the bed. Ben was the first to ask.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Zade shrugged in the dark. Then, to both of their surprise, began lifted the covers next to Ben.

"What are you doing?" Ben asked in surprise.

"Dad, scooch over," he merely replied. Rey bit her tongue to refrain from laughing as their eldest son forced himself into their bed. Resting his head against Ben's free shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Goodnight mom and dad."

Ben tried to glare, groaning through the bond. _This is your fault._

Rey merely chuckled.

_We're going to be just fine._

Ben's peace flowed through the bond.

_Yes, we are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go everyone! I hope you enjoyed what is probably the end of my reylo writing. If you haven't seen, I have a few other smaller stories written in a series. Feel free to check those out if you are interested. The series begins with A Night at the Solo Household. Thank you so much to everyone taking the time to read/comment/kudos. I appreciate you all and God bless!

**Author's Note:**

> I always encourage constructive criticism and greatly appreciate notes pointing out spelling/grammar errors. I am slightly dyslexic so it is difficult for me to catch everything.


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